Miss Congeniality (2000) - Quotes

Strength in Style: Agent in a Dress

Taglines: Never Mess With An Agent In A Dress.

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Swimsuit Competition and a Killer to Catch

Taglines: She's Got A Killer To Catch... Right After The Swimsuit Competition.

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Unleashed: Embracing Authenticity in Undercover Work

Taglines: Unpolished. Unkempt. Unleashed. Undercover.

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Texas Culture and Gun Ownership Perspectives

Gracie: He had a gun.

Kathy: Of course he had a gun. This is Texas. Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!

Stan: I don't have a gun. My ancestors were Quakers.

Kathy: Stan, please!

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Unexpected Fashion Choices in a Serious Situation

Vic: What, no armored car?

Gracie: That would be in my other dress.

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Humor in Unconventional Communication

Eric: Is this you not arguing? Cause you suck at it.

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A Memory of Stolen Red Underwear

Cheryl: Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me. She said they were Satan's panties.

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Embracing Change and New Perspectives

Eric: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.

Gracie: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.

Eric: Funny, so am I.

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Unexpected Humor Amidst Chaos

Stan: [as he is being commented by interviewers] I was right in the middle of my song...and then, there was this BIG explosion!

Kathy: [unamused; Frank smiles] You people got nothing on me. This is ridiculous.

Eric: [to Kathy] Don't worry, Miss Morningside. Where you're going, they'd love to meet a former beauty queen.

Gracie: [Gracie takes Kathy to a police car, but Kathy stops and turns to her] Yeah, and when he says "meet", he means M-E-A-T.

Kathy: [calmly] Sweetheart, you don't understand. All I'm guilty of is trying to make the world a more beautiful place! Look at yourself. Why, Dennis Rodman looked better in a dress, but now you're a lady. I did that.

Gracie: [she tries to put Kathy in the back of the car, but she gets up] No, Vic did that and a team of highly federal manicurists and people who make you...you know, like...beautiful. You know what? You're under arrest. Get in the car.

Kathy: [growing angry] No, you think you saved something tonight, but all you did was to destroy the dream of young women all over this country.

Gracie: What, you think their dream is to get blown up? Y'know, you got a really good shot at that insanity plea.

Kathy: [as Gracie places her in the car] Yeah? Well, I earned it, honey! 25 years of bitching beauty queens and what do I get?! FIRED! They STEAL my life, they steal my beauty pageant!

Gracie: Hey, hey! It is not a beauty pageant. It is a scholarship program.

Kathy: Yeah, yeah.

Gracie: Yes.

Gracie: [laughs and snorts; to Eric] Enjoy your run in the the Miss San Antonio Women's Correctional Facility Pageant. Huh? Huh? Get it? "The Women's Correctional Facility"?

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Confronting Communication in Relationships

Eric: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?

Gracie: You want me to beat it out of her?

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Hair as a Statement in Conversation

Vic: Your hair should make a statement.

Gracie: As long as it doesn't say Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'!

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Humor in a Competitive Exchange

Vic: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.

Gracie: I would so love to hurt you right now.

Vic: As long as you smile. Now...why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?

Gracie: Because it's too hard to fit "Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" on a license plate?

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Interview Importance in Pageant Scoring

Vic: The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It accounts for 30% of your total score.

Gracie: Yeah? And what's the other 70%? Cleavage?

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Confidence in Unconventional Walking Styles

Vic: [teaches Gracie how to glide] See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty?

Gracie: It takes a very secure man to walk like that.

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Adopting a Pageant Identity and Its Consequences

Eric: All right, here are your new IDs. For pageant identity.

Gracie: Gracie Lou Freebush?

Eric: Yeah, remember, you like that name.

Gracie: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped 10 points.

Reflecting on Unfulfilled Parental Aspirations

Victor "Vic" Melling: [to Gracie] If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.