17 quotes
Breakfast Order Before Lunch
Waiter
Would you like to have anything before lunch?
Chico
Yes, breakfast.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Emergency Care in a Crisis Situation
Woman Passenger
Where's the Doctor? A doctor! I want a doctor!
Chico
Sit. Stay calm. We take care of you. Oh, she's got a chill. Cover her up.
Chico
No, no, no, no. Get up. Get up. Take her pulse. Take her pulse.
Chico
No purse! Put it back. Pulse. I think you best take a temperature. That's good. Alright, we take care of you, lady. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Woman Passenger
Oh, you fools! I'm not the patient!
Chico
Well, we're not the doctor
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Marx Brothers' Latest Comedy Adventure
Taglines
The Four Marx Brothers in their newest, funniest laugh-lark.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Groucho Defends His Housewife Friends
Middle-aged woman
I'm not happy with my husband. He should have married some little housewife.
Groucho
Madam, I resent that. Some of my best friends are housewives!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Foolishness in a Hayloft Encounter
Groucho
Hey, have you got a girl up in that hayloft?
Hoodlum
NO!
Groucho
Then you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.
Hoodlum
Beat it, I say!
Groucho
Pardon me, what did you say?
Hoodlum
I said "BEAT IT!
Groucho
He said "Beat It". Gee, I wish I'd said that. Everybody's repeating it around the club.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Starting Your Studies
Groucho
With a little study you'll go a long way. And I wish you'd start now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nail Trim Conversation Between Chico and Manicurist
Manicurist
Would you like your nails trimmed long?
Chico
Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothing to do. Believe me, you some nice gal. You got It'.
[Pause]
Manicurist
Why, thank you!
Chico
And you can KEEP it'.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Divorce Negotiations with Comedic Twists
Groucho
Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce, and so will my wife. Now, the first thing to do is to arrange for a settlement. You take the children, your husband takes the house, Junior burns down the house, you take the insurance, and I take you.
Lucille
But I haven't any children.
Groucho
That's just the trouble with this country. You haven't any children, and as for me, I'm going back in the closet where men are empty overcoats.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding in Fare Exchange
Cab Driver at Barn
That'll be $1.10.
Groucho
Here's a dollar, keep the change.
Cab Driver at Barn
But I said a dollar "ten"!
Groucho
All right, give me the dollar, I'll keep the change.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Realizations in Caregiving
Groucho
I don't know. When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me.
Chico
Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?
Groucho
You bet she could. But I found that out too late!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Intent of a Bribe
Groucho
Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Outcomes in a Quirky Exchange
Alky Briggs
Didn't I give you a couple of gats?
Groucho
I'm sorry, we had to drown the gats. But we saved you a little black gitten.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mutual Praise Among Friends
Chico
We're great, huh?
Joe Helton
You're great.
Chico
My partner?
Joe Helton
He's great.
Chico
My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curious Inquiries About Personal Life
Groucho
Is it true you're getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight? Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth? Is it true you used to dance in a flea circus?
[Posing as a reporter]
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Announcement of Buffet Supper and Performance
Groucho
Ladies and Gentlemen, I wish to announce that a buffet supper will be served in the next room in five minutes. In order to get you into that room quickly, Mrs.Smallhausen will sing a soprano solo in THIS room!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frenzied Foursome in Merriest Madness
Taglines
You roared at them in ]. You laughed your heard off at ]. Now see the famous frenzied foursome in their merriest, maddest farce Monkey Business. The whole family will enjoy it.
[[The Cocoanuts; [Animal Crackers]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing Fear with Humor
Groucho
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars? Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.