13 quotes
Invitation to a Wedding Celebration
Arlo Pear
Monica, our daughter's getting married. You want to come?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Comedy Filled with Laughter
Taglines
The movie that packs lots of laughs.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Chance Encounter Between Neighbors
Cornell
Well, choke my chicken! Your name's Pear, right? You lived next door to Frank, am I right?
Arlo
Yeah.
Cornell
Small world, ain't it?
Arlo
Too small.
Cornell
Frank says you're a real asshole and if you fuck me, I'll kill you. You understand?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Refusing to Move to Idaho
Casey
I'm not moving to Idaho. No fucking way.
Arlo
Hey, that's a quarter in the swear jar, young lady.
Casey
Okay, there's no goddamn way I'm goddamn moving to any goddamn son of a goddamn bitch, shit-eating goddamn Ida-goddamn motherfucking shitty-ho.
[''being putting money into the swear jar as she speaks'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Holiday Plans and Reluctance to Visit
Arlo
Maybe we'll send you a plane ticket and you can visit us at Christmas.
Frank
Good, but I won't.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Home Decor and Personal Expectations
Realtor
You may want to decorate this house differently.
Arlo
Oh, yes. We'd get bigger penises.
[''looking at a nude statue'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mistaken Gesture Leads to Frustration
Arlo Pear
The wrong finger! I gave him the wrong goddamn finger!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Plans After Job Loss
Reporter
Now that your job's been eliminated, sir, what are your future plans?
Arlo
I just sharpened my pencil!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Silence on the New Jersey Turnpike
Taglines
On the New Jersey Turnpike, no one can hear you scream.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dispute Over a Shared Weed Whacker
Arlo
Frank, remember two years I loaned you my weed whacker? Well, since we're moving, I've come to ask for it back.
Frank
No.
Arlo
It's *our* weed whacker, Frank. The whole family went down to Sears together. So, I've come to ask you to give it back.
Frank
No.
Arlo
Frank, I loaned it to you two years ago to cut your weeds. You haven't cut shit with the weed whacker! What did you do with it? Keep the weed whacker, Frank! Be happy with it because you have to friends! Nobody wants to talk to you!
Perry
Frank, that you?
Frank
Edwards, Perry! Well, choke my chicken!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Presence of Unwanted Company
Arlo Pear
Casey, where did you find this man? Is there an asshole convention in town?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Frustrated Request for a Proper Mower
Cornell
What the fuck are you doing?
Arlo
I want you to take this big red motherfucker and put it back in your garage. You understand, you son of a bitch? And go to the store and get a human-sized mower!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Money and Accountability
Arlo
I don't want your money, I want those assholes!
People on Back of Truck
Oh, *those* assholes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.