Mr. Deeds (2002) - Quotes

Unexpected Tasks and Deceptions Among Friends

Cedar: Excuse me. Is Mr. Deeds around?

Jan: No, I'm sorry. He's out making deliveries. The regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look too sick to me, Murph.

Murph: [to Cedar and Cecil] Oh! I forgot I was fakin sick today. You two tricked me into comin here.

Jan: Murph, put on an apron and gimme a hand.

Murph: [sets to work] You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche!

Cecil: Is Mrs. Deeds around?

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Confusion Over Longfellow Deeds' Name

Cedar: We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds.

Murph: Wow! Is that Deeds first name?

Cecil: Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds's first name.

Murph: Well, I don't know Deeds's first name. Maybe it's Greg.

Cecil: Maybe it's Longfellow.

Murph: Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?

Cedar: No! Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives.

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Unexpected Revelations in Casual Conversation

Mac: Are you gonna see him again tonight?

Mac: That's priceless! You, a virgin!

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Rhyming Challenges in Conversation

Deeds: I couldn't think of anything else that rhymes with schlub. Rub and tub didn't work.

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A Humorous Exchange About Responsibility

Jan: Where were you kickin'? I ain't got no balls, dummy!

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A Reflection on Preston Blake's Legacy

Deeds: [impressed] This guy could make a fortune writing greeting cards.

Rev. Sharpton: Yes, we remember Preston Blake.

Funeral attendants: Amen.

Deeds: Amen!

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A Cat Rescue Mission Unfolds

Coretta: I'm not leaving without me kitties.

Deeds: How many cats do you have?

Coretta: 7.

Deeds: Holy shit. Lets get cracking. I apologize for the language.

Coretta: Apology accepted.

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Requests for Leaf Maintenance in a Conversation

Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake?

Blake: You can call me Preston.

Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Preston?

Blake: Yes. Yes! YES!

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Understanding Anger and Defending Oneself

McEnroe: I like the way you beat up those guys who were making fun of you. It was pretty cool.

Deeds: Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up, Johnny Mac.

McEnroe: That I do.

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Unconventional Pizza Toppings and Friendship

Deeds: Crazy Eyes.

Crazy Eyes: Hey, Deeds.

Deeds: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.

Crazy Eyes: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.

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Unusual Reasons for Incarceration Explained

Deeds: What are you in for?

Crazy Eyes: Eh, I'm doin an overnighter for bitin the mailman.

Crazy Eyes: He was tryin to cast some spell on me like a wizard or somethin'.

Deeds: You sure about that?

Crazy Eyes: I don't know, maybe he was just wavin'.

Crazy Eyes: Who're your friends?

Deeds: This is Chuck and Cecil, they're visiting from New York.

Crazy Eyes: I don't like em.

Deeds: Okay, then.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Unexpected Diagnosis and Its Implications

Cedar: Congratulations, you have a spastic colon.

Cecil: That would explain a lot.

Foot's Hideousness Becomes a Lasting Memory

Emilio: The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever.

Deeds: Oh, yeah. I've heard that before.

Unexpected Encounter with a Sneaky Character

Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there...

Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.

Friendship Over Wealth in Mr. Deeds

Emilio: How can I thank you?

Deeds: All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man.

Emilio: Deeds! How about a billion dollars?

Deeds: All right.

Emilio: Done.

Ownership and Team Loyalty in Football Discussion

Deeds: You guys football fans? I think the Pats could take the conference this year. I mean, the Dolphins are overrated and the Jets are choke artists.

Pilot: I wouldn't say that, Mr. Deeds.

Deeds: Just Deeds. Why's that, though?

Pilot: You own the Jets, Deeds.

Deeds: I do?! Whoa! That sucks. Jeez. I hope they don't play the Pats in the playoffs, or I'll have to kill myself.

Complimentary Exchange Between Deeds and Sharpton

Deeds: You climbed mountains and built skyscrapers.

Reverend Sharpton: Nice rhyme, nice rhyme.

Observations on a Mugging Incident

Mr. Deeds: Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear.