26 quotes
Unspoken Gifts in Simple Conversations
Cindy Jo Bumpers
I wish I'd known it was your birthday, I would have gotten you something.
Larry Joseph Burrows
Well, Cindy Jo, you've already given me more than you could possibly know. Really.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Life's Possibilities
Larry Joseph Burrows
Maybe it was because it was my birthday. Maybe it was seeing Cindy Jo. I don't know. But all morning I'd been thinking about what it would have been like if my life had turned out differently.
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Perceptions of Popularity and Acceptance
Mike the Bartender
You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry.
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Exploring Feelings of Missing Out
Larry Joseph Burrows
Sometimes I get the distinct feeling I'm missing out on something.
Harry Burrows
Well, what she's got - and she's got plenty you don't need.
Larry Joseph Burrows
You sure?
Harry Burrows
Not absolutely. But if I ever tried to find out, your mother would kill me.
[pause]
Larry Joseph Burrows
You're the dad every kid dreams of, you know that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Whimsical Journey of Fate and Comedy
Taglines
A totally magical comedy!
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The Cost of Desire and Sacrifice
Taglines
Would you give up everything you have... for everything you've ever wanted? Then meet...
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Embracing Change and Uncertainty
Larry Joseph Burrows
Is there anything else that's gonna come as a shock?
Mike the Bartender
It all will, to some degree.
Larry Joseph Burrows
To what degree?
Mike the Bartender
You'll see. Things have changed, Larry. You have to take the bad with the good. You didn't think everything was gonna be perfect, did you?
Larry Joseph Burrows
Well, I... I... I suppose not.
Mike the Bartender
This is your life, Larry. Learn to enjoy what you've got.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on an Ordinary Life
Larry Joseph Burrows
35 years old, and my life is shit.
Mike the Bartender
Can't be all that bad.
Larry Joseph Burrows
It's not that it's bad, you know, it's just that it's ordinary.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awkward Moments with Freeze-Dried Coffee
Larry Joseph Burrows
Why is it every time you have a mouthful of freeze-dried coffee, your boss walks in on you?
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The Impact of Small Choices on Destiny
Larry Joseph Burrows
How can my life change so much just because I hit one stinking baseball?
Mike the Bartender
Well, you see Larry, one's destiny is a very complicated thing. Every incident in a person's life affects everything else that follows it. Instead of missing the baseball, however, you hit it. Then you became a hero, married the prom queen, and so on, and so forth, until you find yourself exactly where you are. So you see, hitting that baseball has spun your life off in an entirely new direction.
Larry Joseph Burrows
Are you an angel or something?
Mike the Bartender
Not exactly, no.
Larry Joseph Burrows
Then what are you?
Mike the Bartender
Have you ever been faced with a decision, and you weren't sure what to do?
Larry Joseph Burrows
Yeah, sure, plenty of times.
Mike the Bartender
And then something inside you made you choose one direction over another?
Larry Joseph Burrows
Yeah. So?
Mike the Bartender
So that's me. I make the suggestions, and you make the choices. That's how destiny works, Larry - very subtly. Welcome to your new life, Larry. I hope you like it.
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Taking Control of One's Destiny
Mike the Bartender
Congratulations, Larry. It's a brave man who takes control of his own destiny.
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A Conversation About Baseball and Towing
Ellen Jane Burrows
Oh, honey, were you thinking about that silly baseball game again?
Jackie
When I played for the Bears, they used to call me "Cement Head". But you can call me Jackie.
Duncan the Tow Truck Driver
Somebody here call for a tow truck?
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Advice Amidst Disappointment and Doubt
Mike the Bartender
Saw the game, kid. Tough break.
Young Larry Burrows
You said it, mister. I blew it good.
Mike the Bartender
Don't worry too much about it. Remember, you've got your whole life to look forward to. Things will work out just fine. Trust me.
Young Larry Burrows
Old fart. What the hell does he know?
[walking away]
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Gratitude for Life's Journey and Celebrations
Larry Joseph Burrows
Thanks. Thanks for everything. The good and the bad. Boy, you sure do know how to make a point. Oh, and listen, Mike - whatever you've got planned for the rest of my life? It's perfect.
Mike the Bartender
Happy birthday, Larry.
[toasts]
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Unexpected Interruptions in the Workplace
Larry Joseph Burrows
Why is it every time you break into your boss's office, he always walks in on you?
[voice-over]
Niles Pender
Lose something, Burrows?
Larry Joseph Burrows
Something tells me I have.
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The Importance of Memory in Life Choices
Larry Joseph Burrows
How well do you remember ]?
[[w:1970|1970]
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Unrecognized Value in a Perfect Life
Ellen Jane Burrows
Larry, if we had such a great life together, why'd you want it changed?
Larry Joseph Burrows
(pause) I guess... I just didn't know what I had.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connection to the Desk
Larry Joseph Burrows
How about that! The desk is wired to my ass!
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Reflections on Destiny and Life's Choices
Larry Joseph Burrows
Destiny's a pretty big concept, when you think about it. Where you are in life, how you got there, what would have happened if one thing or another had been different. To be honest, I never gave it much thought, myself, until today, ], my 35th birthday, and without a doubt, the strangest day of my life. Do you remember the old story that starts, "This guy goes into a bar"? Well, I'm the guy, and here's the story.
[[w:June 14|June 14th]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wishes Granted and Their Consequences
Taglines
Larry Burrows wished for it all... until all that he wished for came true!
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Contentment Versus the Desire for Excitement
Clip Metzler, Larry's Best Friend
Well, you know what your problem is? Nothing's ever good enough for you. Way I see it, you've got the perfect life. You've got a wonderful home, a terrific wife, a good job, and the best friend money can buy. What else could a guy want?
Larry Joseph Burrows
A little excitement would be nice.
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Taking Responsibility for One's Destiny
Mike the Bartender
Your destiny has been changed, Larry, by request, I might add. And you must take responsibility for the circumstances of your new life. They are, after all, of your own making.
Larry Joseph Burrows
Well, if I made em, I can unmake em!
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Unexpected Distractions in Life's Moments
Larry Joseph Burrows
Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head, a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?
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The Paradox of Success and Failure
Larry Joseph Burrows
Why is it when you do something terrific, nine times out of 10 you're all alone, but when you screw up really big, the whole world is watching?
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Life Changes at the Bar
Larry Joseph Burrows
So, Mike, do you do this a lot, I mean, you know, change peoples lives and stuff?
Mike the Bartender
I've been known to make a few adjustments now and again.
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A Conversation on Fate and Regret
Ellen Jane Burrows
I was wrong about you. I think you're a wonderful man. I wish it could've been different between us. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Sorry.
Larry Joseph Burrows
Wait a minute, that's bullshit! It was meant to be!
[long pause as Ellen walks away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.