Muppet Treasure Island (1996) - Quotes

Jim Hawkins: Silver!

Long John Silver: I suppose you'll be blowing the whistle on me now, won't you, Jim?

Jim Hawkins: [raising his whistle] I suppose I will. You have to return to Bristol to stand trial.

Long John Silver: [aims his pistol at him; Jim does not drop his whistle. After a long pause, he lowers his pistol; changing his heart] Oh, I'm sorry, Jim. I got a terrible fear of hanging. We're shipmates, aren't we, Jim? Gentlemen of fortune, together. Give us one more chance? Oh, hell, Jim. I could never harm you. You're honest and brave and true. You didn't learn that from me.

Jim Hawkins: I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver. Now take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again, ever.

Long John Silver: [begins to row away, but stops; throws Jim back his compass and rows off] Oh, Jim? Tis a shame, really. We'd have made a great team, Jim.

Long John Silver: Excuse me?

Benjammina Gunn: [also appears] Going somewhere, John-John?

Long John Silver: Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.

Benjamina Gunn: Of all the backwater, no-class piles of sand in the ocean, you had to wash up on mine!

Captain Smollett: Benjamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

Benjamina Gunn: Sorry? No, no; "Sorry" doesn't cut it. You left me standing at the altar!

Captain Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.

Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet! My mother came all the way from France. I was wearing her white lace dress. The cake was filled with lemon custard!

Captain Smollett: Benjamina, fate has brought us together again. Well, actually, buried treasure and pirates brought us together--

Benjamina Gunn: Don't you start with me about pirates! After you jilted me, I took up with this Bernie Flint. The man was totally co-dependent.

Captain Smollett: You and Captain Flint?

Benjamina Gunn: [sobs] Well, he was a pirate, I was a lady, you know the story. Smollett? He marooned me! Me! Oh, what have I done?!

Captain Smollett: Oh, this it all my fault! What have I done to you?

Rizzo: Terrific. Captured by crazed wild pigs and sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar.

Gonzo: Are we lucky or what?

Trelawney: Probably not lucky. I'm starting to worry about those storm clouds!

Benjamina Gunn: [Rizzo whimpers before screaming and grabbing Miss Piggy's hand heading to the Crow's Nest] Next time, Kermie and I are going to find that below deck instead of that drenching Crow's Nest. Hey! Let go you no good big beluga!

Captain Smollett: Here's the plan. Once the pirates are ashore, we take the Hispaniola back to Bristol, and leave them stranded on Treasure Island.

Doctor: Excellent plan.

Rizzo: Except for one thing: the pirates have Jim!

Mr. Arrow: [reads from list] Roll call! Long John Silver?

Long John Silver: Aye aye, sir!

Mr. Arrow: Short Stack Stevens?

Short Stack Stevens: Aye!

Mr. Arrow: One-Eyed Jack?

One-Eyed Jack: Aye.

Mr. Arrow: Black Eye Pete?

Black Eye Pete: Yeah.

Mr. Arrow: Walleyed Pike?

Walleyed Pike: Aye.

Mr. Arrow: Polly Lobster?

Polly Lobster: (Squawks and whistles)

Mr. Arrow: Mad Monty?

Mad Monty: Aye.

Mr. Arrow: Sweetums?

Sweetums: [from behind them] AYE.

Mr. Arrow: ...Old Tom?

Old Tom: Aye aye.

Mr. Arrow: Real Old Tom?

Real Old Tom: Aye!

Mr. Arrow: Dead Tom?

Dead Tom: Aye aye!!

Gonzo: Cool.

Mr. Arrow: Clueless Morgan?

Clueless Morgan: Huh?

Mr. Arrow: [no response; leans to the side and sees a headless puppet saluting in acknowledgment] Headless Bill? Headless Bill? Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-Baby-Eating O'Brien?

O'Brien: [in her deep voice] Aye.

Mr. Arrow: [stands in aghast momentarily before reading off the final name] Angel Marie?

Angel Marie: [in his deep voice] Aye, aye.

Captain Smollett: Hmm...hmm...Gentlemen, may I see you in my cabin? Immediately?

Captain Smollett: [Later, in his cabin; whimpers with a pant. Jim, Rizzo, Gonzo, the rest of The Muppets, and officers point at Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger] Who hired this crew?! This is without a doubt, the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains, and scoundrels I have ever seen! So, who hired em?! Your finger hired the crew?

Captain Smollett: [stunned] A cook, and a guy who lives in a bear's finger?

Captain Smollett: I'm starting to worry about this voyage.

Billy Bones: (last words) Aye! But also... beware of running with scissors or any other pointy objects, it's all good fun until somebody loses an EYYYYYEEE!!

Billy Bones: The Black Spot's a pirate's death sentence! They'll be coming to kill me... TONIGHT!!

Billy Bones: THE BLACK SPOT!!

Billy Bones: Enough with this singing! Rum! I need rum, lads! I've got a horrors! Give me rum! Rum til I float!

Billy Bones: Oh, aye. Fifteen men went ashore that day...and only Flint, his own self, returned. Oh, aye, and then old Flinty...up and died afore they could get back to that cursed island, and dig up the treasure. No one knows to this day who has old Flint's map. Now, isn't that a story worth the hearing?

Billy Bones: I was Flint's first mate that voyage...three days east of Tortola in the Caribie, Flint knew an island. That's where we buried the treasure. Gold and blood; they were Flint's trademarks. He'd leave both behind him, that day.