18 quotes
A Confession of Love and Regret
Julianne
I'll make this quick, or I'm gonna have this massive coronary, then you'll never hear it, and you have to. This is, by far, the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life. Uh, so dumb, in fact, that, uh, I can't... Ohh, but I'm gonna.
Michael
What's wrong?
Julianne
Michael, I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it. And, well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time, but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me, marry me, let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it?
[kisses him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love and Self-Reflection Amidst Regret
Julianne
I have done nothing but under-handed, despicable, not even terribly imaginative things since I got here. But I was... Michael, I was just trying to... to win you. To win you back. But that doesn't excuse any of it. I'm... pond scum. Well, lower actually, I'm like the fungus the feeds on pond scum.
Michael
Lower. The pus that infects the mucus, that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum... On the other hand, thank you. For loving me that much, that way, it's pretty flattering.
Julianne
Except it makes me fungus.
Michael
Well, that part I knew.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing the Consequences of Love and Choice
George
Look, tell him you love him, bite the bullet.
Julianne
George. What will he do?
George
He'll choose Kim, you'll stand beside her at the wedding, kiss him goodbye, and go home. That's what you came here to do, so do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Rediscovering Friendship Through Dance
Michael
You can't dance. When did you learn how to dance?
Julianne
I've got moves you've never seen.
Michael
You're an imposter. What did you do with my best friend?
Julianne
I'm still your best friend, you just haven't seen me for a while.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of a Special Song
Michael
We don't even have a song, Kim and I. We don't have a song. Do you think that's bad sign? "Someday, when I'm awfully low, and the world is cold, I'll will feel a glow, just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight." Is your dance card filled?
[sings]
Julianne
Well, I'd have to check, I keep it on powerbook these days.
Michael
Is that right?
[they dance as he sings]
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Unexpected Encounters and Changing Perspectives
Michael
You want me to turn around or something?
Julianne
Yes. Uh, not the person I was expecting.
Michael
I've seen you a lot more naked than that.
Julianne
Well, things are... different now.
Michael
Yeah, guess so... Um, you look really good... without your clothes on.
Julianne
George, she's toast!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Love and Relationships
Kimmy
I can tell you this now, but I was very worried about you.
Julianne
About me?
Kimmy
Yeah, I mean, all those stories that Michael told me were hilarious. But, I mean, all those broken relationships, all those men, it must have hurt going through so many guys and never finding the right one.
George
Hurt? She couldn't sit down for seven years, until she met teensy-weensy little me.
Kimmy
And all the while, the man of your dreams was right in front of you.
[Julianne stares at Michael]
George
She's talking about me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Love and Friendship at a Wedding
Scott
We raise our glasses and wish Mike and Kim our every happiness, for a long and happy life together. Filled with... happiness. Well, I guess that's it. Now let's hear from the maid of honor, the lovely Julianne.
[everyone claps]
Julianne
I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend... has won the best woman. I didn't get you a gift, however, this is on loan until you two find your song.
[the band starts to play "The Way You Look Tonight"]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Prioritizing Plans Over Personal Connections
George
Listen, Jules, why don't we just stop and have a drink, and you take a later flight.
Julianne
No, no, no. I'm a busy girl. I've got exactly four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fella, and I haven't one clue how to do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Maid of Honor Request
Kimmy
Right off, I have this monstrous favor to ask you.
Julianne
Excuse me?
Kimmy
My best friend Angelique shattered her pelvis line-dancing in Abeline over Spring Break. Be my maid of honor.
Julianne
What? Um, shouldn't you, uh, vote a bridesmaid, or, uh, someone you've known at least 45 minutes?
Kimmy
My bridemaids are my only two female relatives under the age of 40, debutante sisters from Nashville, who are basically vengeful sluts. Oh, my exit! So this means I have four days to make you my new best friend. It's time for you to force yourself to get personal!
[swerves car across road]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desires and Doubts in Relationships
Julianne
Well, he's sort of wondering why you haven't told your parents that the wedding's off.
Kimmy
Well, I'm still hoping for a miracle, I suppose. I mean, how could he think that my father and I would do such a thing?
Julianne
Only a minor insight, you understand. Maybe Michael couldn't commit to this marriage so he created a delusion, produced an unconscious, psychosomatic manifestation of... I'm better with food. Okay, you're Michael, you're in a fancy french restaurant, you order... creme brulee for dessert, it's beautiful, it's sweet, it's irritatingly perfect. Suddenly, Michael realizes he doesn't want creme brulee, he wants something else.
Kimmy
What does he want?
Julianne
Jello.
Kimmy
Jello?! Why does he want jello?
Julianne
Because he's comfortable with jello, jello makes him... comfortable. I realize, compared to creme brulee it's... jello, but maybe that's what he needs.
Kimmy
I could be jello.
Julianne
No! Creme brulee can never be jello, you could never be jello.
Kimmy
I have to be jello.
Julianne
You're never gonna be jello. Now you have to come clean with your parents, because if you're waiting for that "Do you take this man" part, it's considered poor form.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bridesmaids Discuss Rivalry and Expectations
Amanda
Oh, my God, it's the bride, and the woman she'll never live up to.
Julianne
I'm Julianne Potter.
Amanda
We'd be the vengeful sluts.
Samantha
You can just call us eager.
Amanda
Hey, have you sized up the groomsmen, Jules? As Maid of Honor, you get first pick.
Samantha
Don't pick the short, hairy, fat one. He's mine!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Change in Plans and Emotions
George
Hey gorgeous, having a good time?
[on phone]
Julianne
Not particularly. But, I did what I came to do.
[on phone]
George
What, you split them up?
[on phone]
Julianne
No, I said goodbye.
[on phone]
George
Good girl. I'm proud of you. I'd be prouder still if you were dancing.
[on phone]
Julianne
I have big plans for dancing, just give me 30, 35 years.
[on phone]
George
Oh, the misery, the exquisite tragedy, the Susan Haywood of it all. I can just picture you there, sitting alone at your table in your lavender gown.
[on phone]
Julianne
Did I tell you my gown was lavender?
[on phone]
George
Hair swept up, haven't touched your cake, probably drumming your fingernails on the white linen tablecloth. The way you do when you're really feeling down. Perhaps even looking at those fingernails and thinking, God, I should have stopped in all my evil plotting to have that manicure', it's too late now.
[on phone; she stop drumming her fingers and looks at her hand]
Julianne
George... I didn't tell you my dress was lavender.
[on phone]
George
Has God heard your little prayer? Will Cinderella dance again? And then... suddenly, the crowds part. And there he is, sleek, stylish, radiant with charisma. Bizarrely, he's on the telephone. But then, so are you. And he comes towards you... the moves of a jungle cat. And although you, quite correctly, sense that he is... gay, like most devastating handsome single men of his age are, you think, what the hell, life goes on. Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but, by God, there'll be dancing.
[on phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation in Love and Competition
Julianne
He adored me for nine goddamn years. Me!
George
I can see why.
Julianne
She has known him for what, like, five seconds? Okay? Plus, she's got billions of dollars, plus, she's apparently perfect. Okay? So, don't go feeling all-all sorry for Miss Pre-teen Illinois... I can't lose him George. I'm gonna bring him back.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pre-Conjugal Visit Tensions Rise
Julianne
Underplay.
George
Okay. Hey! I'm Jools fiancee, George. Just in town for a quick pre-conjugal visit, if you catch my drift.
[shouts]
Julianne
You're gonna humiliate me, aren't you?
George
Only if I can.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Clarity Through Jealousy in Relationships
Julianne
In the beginning it was mostly this prior claim, he belonged to me. But now, when I'm with him, he's just so wonderful. How come I never knew that when I could have had him?
George
It's amazing, the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Friendship and Heartbreak
George
Who called? The man of the moment?
Julianne Potter
No, the opposite, my Michael. Michael O'Neal. Sounds desperate to talk to me.
George
Oh, the wandering sports writer. Remind me about that one.
Julianne
Sophomore year at Brown, we had this one hot month. But, of course, you know me, I got restless. So, I get up the nerve to break his heart and he gives me this look, and then he says, "the thing that makes me wanna cry is, I'm losing the best friend I ever had." And at that moment, I knew, I felt the same way. So, I cried, for maybe the third time in my life, kissed him and we've been best friends ever since. We've seen each other through everything, losing jobs, losing parents, losing lovers. We've travelled all over. The best times of my life, drinking and talking, even if it's just over the phone.
George
God. This is so moving. Kindred spirits, eh?
Julianne
He's nothing like me, he's like you actually, only straight... I remember this one night in Tucson, like, six years ago, where he takes a razor out of this tiny little dop kit, cut's his finger, takes my hand, does the same to me.
George
I'm gonna be sick.
Julianne
He says "swear, if we're 28, if we've never married, we'll marry each other". We never talked about it again. I don't know what made me think of that.
George
You're about to be 28 in three weeks, right? How old's he?
Julianne
You think?
George
Desperate, to talk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Truth and Love
Julianne
It is not going well! This is what comes of telling the truth! Or even part of it. You know, getting what you deserve isn't fair!
[on phone]
George
Where are you?
[on phone]
Julianne
I have stolen a bread van and I am chasing Michael down Michigan Avenue. George, this is all your fault! I-I-I told him the truth, I said that I loved him and I kissed him and this is what's happened.
[on phone]
George
Jules, a question. When you kissed Michael, did he kiss you back?
[on phone]
Julianne
What do you mean? We were lip-to-lip!
[on phone]
George
I mean, was there anything on the other side of that kiss that leads you to believe that this chase will end happily?
[on phone]
Julianne
That's beside the point, we were interrupted.
[on phone]
George
Who interrupted you?
[on phone]
Julianne
Kimmy! She ruined everything, and Michael started chasing her before he could answer me!
[on phone]
George
Michael's chasing Kimmy?
[on phone]
Julianne
Yes!
[on phone]
George
You're chasing Michael?
[on phone]
Julianne
Yes!
[on phone]
George
Who's chasing you? Nobody. Get it! There's your answer. Kimmy.
[on phone]
Julianne
No!
[on phone]
George
Yes. Jules, you are not the one! Now, for God's sake, the wedding is at 6pm, you have a small, but distinct, window of opportunity to do the right thing.
[on phone; hangs up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.