A Small Town's Potential Unveiled
Taglines:
A Small Town on the Outskirts of Greatness.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Father's Demand for Privacy
Walter:
Hi, what's wrong.
Joanne:
Uh, Walter, get out. This is private.
Walter:
I'm entitled to know what's going on under this roof. After all, I am the father of this child...
Joanne:
Walter, if you don't leave, I *swear* I'll tell you.
Walter: [''pause'']
Right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coaching vs. Playing: A Common Perspective
Donna:
Every ex-player turned coach says that they prefer coaching over playing. Why would they all say that?
John:
Because they can't play.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Excitement Over a Zamboni Announcement
Scott:
And we're getting a Zamboni, Donna.
Donna:
A Zamboni? Wow, I'm getting wet just thinking about it.
Scott:
Jesus Christ!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Change in Donna's Mood
Donna:
John?
John:
You've been smiling a lot lately.
Donna: [''smiling, still puzzled'']
Excuse me?
John:
Ever since he came back, Charlie. You been smiling a little more.
Donna: [''finally understanding'']
John, that was high school.
John:
This is not a pond!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Town Opinions and Misunderstandings
Bailey: [''questioning a witness in court'']
You don't like our little town very much. Do you, Mr. Walsh?
Mr. Walsh:
I have nothing against your town, Mr. Pruitt.
Bailey:
Did you say, "What the fuck-ass fuck of a bum-fuck shithole town is this?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Child's Innocent Perspective on Fatherhood
Reporter:
Did you see your daddy out there?
Joey:
I have a toy pony, he takes big shits.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misguided Remarks on Body Image
John Bebe:
Women don't like being referred to as fat mammals, Skank.
Matt Marden:
I never would've said that to her face!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seeking Local Services in Mystery, Alaska
Donnie:
Hey, you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Winter Festivities and Cold Fingers
Janice:
It's a Rockwellian Christmas up here. Skating. Barbecues. Snow. We're here with defenseman Matt Marden, and... cut!
Charles:
What?
Janice:
I can't feel my fingers.
Matt:
You need to rub them on a nice, warm Yuletide log.
Janice:
I beg your pardon?
Matt:
Look, Christmas is a lonely day for a guy to be choking his own chicken. And as women reporters go, I find you supple.
Janice:
Oh, that was lovely. It's a shame we weren't rolling for that.
Charles:
I'm sure he'd be happy to repeat it.
Matt: [''laughing'']
You need to relax!
Janice:
Charles!
Matt:
Do you like massages?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration in a Small Town Encounter
John:
You okay?
Mr. Walsh:
No, I'm not okay! Do I look okay? The fucker shot me! What the fuck-ass fuck of a bum-fuck shithole town is this? I make a business call. I give him my card. And the hick-ass fucker shoots my foot off! Cock-fucking shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Sounds in Conversation
Sarah:
Mother walrus going "Thwap, thwap, thwap"?
Matt:
What?
Sarah:
You want to hear a "Thwap"?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding the Simplicity of Hockey
Donnie:
This is hockey, okay? It's not rocket surgery.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hockey and Fun in Cold Weather
Matt:
I play hockey and I fornicate, because those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Significant Events in Mystery, Alaska
Bailey:
Big doings we got here in Mystery. Price World wants to come here, and now the New York Rangers want to come.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Self-Acceptance
Bailey:
Forgive me, your honor. I'm fat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Judge's Dismissal of Hockey Discussion
Judge Walter Burns:
Mr. Pruitt, I don't want to hear about Price World, and I don't want to hear another word about a hockey game. We talked about that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
