National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985) - Quotes

Europe Faces a New Challenge

Taglines: For centuries, Europe has survived many foreign invasions. Now for the real test. Chevy Chase and his typical American family are on the way.

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Europe's Endurance Tested by American Family

Taglines: For over two thousand years, Europe has survived many great disasters. Now for the real test. Chevy Chase & his family are coming from America!

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The Griswolds Return in Europe

Rusty: (last lines) Yep, the Griswolds are back.

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Audrey's Urgent Call from Rome

Audrey: (calling Debbie on the phone in Rome) Hello Debbie? Audrey! Listen you and I have a big score to settle and you know exactly what I mean! So if you want to save this last shred of friendship between you and me, you'll do me this favor! I want you to book me on a Pan-Am flight out of Rome into Chicago today!...Yeah, I'll hold!.............Bitch!

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Sibling Tensions Amidst European Adventures

Ellen: Hi Audrey, would you like something to eat?

Audrey: [shows that she received a letter from Jack and starts reading] I'm not hungry.

Jack: (voiceover) "Dear Audrey, I miss the shit out of you. But luckly, Debbie's been coming by to cheer me up.

Audrey: THAT BITCH!

Ellen: Is something wrong dear?

Audrey: No, I'm fine.

Jack: (voiceover) "I think it's time to ask ourselves this question. Do you think this relationship is strong enough that we consider meeting other people? I think it is.

Audrey: (heartbroken) Would you pass the croissants please? And the butters and jams?

Clark: Well it's nice to see you getting your appetite back.

Audrey: Yeah, well who have I got to be thin for?

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A Casual Attitude Towards Injury

Bike Rider: It's just a flesh wound, honestly!

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Embracing Unconventional Family Travel Dynamics

Ellen Griswold: Clark, why don't we just forget the "Pig-in-a-Poke" itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people?

Clark Griswold: Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswolds.

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Family Crisis During European Trip

Clark Griswold: Get in.

Rusty Griswold: What Happened?

Audrey Griswold: Oh, not much. Mom's been kidnapped.

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Cultural Misunderstanding in European Vacation

Clark Griswold: Hello, my family and I were looking for sex.

German Neighbor: Schweinhund!

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Misunderstanding Language in Family Conversations

Clark Griswold: What are we looking for?

Audrey Griswold: Sechs (pronounced sex) Dad.

Clark Griswold: That'll do Audrey.

Rusty Griswold: Dad that's German for six.

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A Playful Exchange About Banks

Clark Griswold: There's the left bank kids. I bet you can't guess what bank is on the right.

Rusty Griswold: The Bank of America.

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A Haircut Comparison Between Father and Son

Rusty Griswold: That's it! That's what I want my hair to look like dad!

Clark Griswold: Oh Rusty you don't want to look like a rooster do you?

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Cultural Misunderstanding in a Different City

Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do?

Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.

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Unexpected Encounter in a European Vacation

Ellen Griswold: Look back there!

Clark Griswold: Yeah, it's a hooker...

Ellen Griswold: Look who she's with!

Clark Griswold: Russell Griswold!

Rusty Griswold: Oink-Oink my good man.

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Explaining the Queen's Role in Humor

Clark Griswold: Aw, there's Buckingham Palace, kids, that's where the Queen lives and works.

Audrey Griswold: What does she do?

Clark Griswold: She queens. And she vacuums.

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Navigating Road Rules Abroad

Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're on the wrong side of the road.

Clark Griswold: Yes I know, honey, I'm also on the wrong side of the car.

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Family Misunderstandings in European Vacation

Clark Griswold: There it is, kids. My mother's land.

Rusty Griswold: Dad, Grandma's from Chicago.

Clark Griswold: Shut up, Russ.

Beverage Order on a Flight

Stewardess: Can I get you anything to drink?

Clark Griswold: Honey? I guess I'll have a Coke.

Stewardess: Do you want that in the can?

Clark Griswold: No, I'll have it right here.

Unexpected Hotel Charges During Vacation

Clark: Don't I have to sign this? I think the Pig in a Poke people will take care of it.

Hotel Desk Clerk: It doesn't include telephone bill.

Ellen: Oh, that's no problem. We just made a couple of local calls.

Hotel Desk Clerk: Okay, that'll be...(punches numbers in calculator) 253 American dollars.

Clark: There must be some mistake.

Ellen: How can that be?

Clark: (reads bill) Who the hell called Chicago?...........AUDREY!!

Ellen: Audrey, don't cry. Your father didn't mean what he said.

Audrey: Yes, he did!

Ellen: Not really honey. He has nothing against Jack. He's not really going to cut off his balls. Aren't you Clark?...Clark?!

Clark: Okay, I won't.

A Reflection on Timeless Human Achievements

Clark Griswold: [about Stonehenge] Take a last look kids, At one of man's most curious creations, built to stand the test of time and the elements, the war, you name it, A thing of glory for a million in future generations to see, and we were here.