National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 poster

National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 Quotes

"Oh my God. They have guns!"

PG-13 1993 · 1h 24m
61
Audience
Apple TV Store Available on Apple TV Store
61
Audience
31 quotes
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Consequences of Hasty Decisions
Gen. Morters Where's the microfilm, Mike?
Mike McCracken I don't know, I gave it to York. I thought she was one of your men.
Gen. Morters Act in haste, repent in leisure.
Mike McCracken But he who hesitates is lost.
Gen. Morters Never judge a book by its cover.
Mike McCracken What you see is what you get.
Gen. Morters Loose lips, sink ships.
Mike McCracken Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing or fighting, my friend.
Gen. Morters Sorry Mike, no good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Nightmares and Unexpected Revelations
Sgt. Jack Colt Who the hell are you?
Mr. Jigsaw I'm your worst nightmare.
Jack Colt No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.
Mr. Jigsaw Okay, alright, so I'm not your worst nightmare. But I am right up there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Uncovering Connections to General Morters
Sgt. Wes Luger There's something between you and this General Morters.
Colt He was my C.O. in NAM. CIA listed him as M.I.A. but the V.A. ID'd him and so we put out an APB.
Wes Luger Oh, I see.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Confusion Over Location in Helicopter Scene
John McClane What the hell are ya doing?
[angrily]
Man in helicopter Is this 1014 Pacific coast Highway?
John McClane Huh?
Man in helicopter 1014 Pacific coast Highway?
John McClane No! No this is 814 Pacific coast Highway! 1014 is two blocks up that way!
Man in helicopter Sorry! My mistake!
John McClane (sarcastically) Yeah? No problem! No problem!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Weapon Confusion Among Characters
Sgt. Wes Luger What's going on in here?
Mr. Jigsaw Drop your gun Mr. Luger!
Wes Luger I don't have one...
Mr. Jigsaw You are not carrying a weapon?
[confused]
Wes Luger Don't believe in them.
Mr. Jigsaw Pick up the gun.
Mr. Jigsaw Drop the gun Mr. Luger!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Unexpected Arrival by Taxi
Sgt. Jack Colt So what are you doing here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor Waiting for you.
Sgt. Jack Colt I mean, what brought you here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor A taxi.
Sgt. Jack Colt Yeah, but why?
Miss Destiny Demeanor My car's in the shop.
Sgt. Jack Colt I mean... Why the hell did you come here?
[Holds up a sign board]
Miss Destiny Demeanor The police station would have made me nervous.
Colt You better go.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Identifying McCracken in the conversation
Sgt. Billy York McCracken!
[after being questioned about the microfilm]
Mr. Jigsaw Thank you, Ms York!
Mr. Jigsaw Is that Dan McCracken, or Mike McCracken?
[turns back, confused]
Sgt. Billy York Mike...
Mr. Jigsaw Is he on Alpine or Oak?
[turns back again]
Sgt. Billy York Alpine.
[thinking]
Sgt. Billy York Psst... Park on Third - you'll never find a spot on Alpine.
Mr. Jigsaw Thank you! You have been most co-operative!
[smiling]
Sgt. Billy York Don't mention it.
[in pain]
Mr. Jigsaw Remember - you saw nothing!
[to the blind guy sitting by the door]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Aspiring for Academy Award Nominations
Taglines We'd like to have been nominated for 9 ACADEMY AWARDS
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Pretentiousness Explained in Simple Terms
Dr. Harrold Leacher Quid pro quo Mr Colt.
Sgt. Jack Colt What does that mean?
Dr. Harrold Leacher It means I'm pretentious.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Investigation of a Felony Begins
Wes Luger We're investigating a felony, Miss Demeanor.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
A Playful Exchange About Sleeping Habits
Becker Do you sleep in the nude?
Miss Destiny Demeanor Only when I'm naked
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
A Curious Inquiry About Taste
Sgt. Jack Colt I just gotta ask... what *does* human flesh taste like?
Dr. Harrold Leacher Chicken.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Consequences of Failure in Law Enforcement
Captain Doyle Don't be so fast to thank me on this, Luger, because you're going to be naked on this one. It's on the line for you. People are going to be watching. Now you blow it, you're going down. You screw up, you're going to be hung out to dry. You drop the ball, you're going to be left twisting in the wind. If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs. Is that clear?
Sgt. Wes Luger Everything except for the dancing with figs thing!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Surprise at Armed Presence
Taglines Oh my god! They have guns!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Determined Detectives Face Danger Together
Sgt. Jack Colt Good thing we took valet.
Sgt. Wes Luger Taxi!
Sgt. Jack Colt I guess we're making somebody nervous. But I'll tell you this: It's gonna take a lot more than a couple of car bombs to get us off of this case.
Sgt. Wes Luger Not a helluva lot more.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Clarifying the Concept of Nothing
Becker What? I don't know nothin'. I didn't see nothin'. I ain't say nothin'.
Sgt. Wes Luger Nothing, the word is nothing, not nothin'. There's an i-n-g on the end of it. Nothing.
Becker Ok, nothing. Nothiiing. Nothiiiiiiiiiiing. Ok, you happy?
Sgt. Wes Luger That's better.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Unexpected Video Revelation
Taglines Oh my God! They're on video!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Suspicions About Wilderness Girls Cookies
Sgt. Wes Luger I don't think York was a suicide. She was on to something.
Captain Doyle On something is more likely. You know all those Wilderness Girls cookies were laced with cocaine.
Sgt. Wes Luger No wonder I couldn't eat just one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Questioning Names in a Serious Moment
Sgt. Jack Colt Give me a name!
Beckard Weren't your parents supposed to do that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Desires of a Relatable Woman
Miss Destiny Demeanor I'm just a gal like any other gal. I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Anticipate the Sequel Before Watching
Taglines See it before they make the sequel.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Payment Structure in Negotiations
Gen. Morters Half the payment now. Half tomorrow. Half on delivery.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Sgt. Wes Luger's Humorous Observation
Main cast ] - Sgt. Wes Luger
[[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Shared Experiences and Long-lasting Partnerships
Sgt. Jack Colt Claire and I rode together for seven years.
Sgt. Wes Luger York and I were in academy together. Then we partnered for five years. Before that, we dodged the draft together. Before that, we played high school football together. Before that, we were in grade school together. And before that, we breast fed together.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Manipulation and Betrayal in Relationships
Miss Destiny Demeanor This has gone far enough! First you use my affection, then you use me to sell drugs, through the Wilderness Girls! What kind of a man are you?
Gen. Morters A user.
Miss Destiny Demeanor I knew that. I knew that when you made me parade around in that leather demicup underwire bra, with matching panties and garter belt.
Gen. Morters Is that the bra with the metal studs?
Miss Destiny Demeanor That's the RED one! I'm talking about the black set, with the gold tread piping!
Gen. Morters ... always loved that one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
A Plea for Mercy in Tension
Mr. Jigsaw In a little while, Miss York, you will be begging for mercy.
[holding a gun on York]
Sgt. Billy York No, no, I'll beg now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
A humorous take on law enforcement challenges
Main cast ] - Becker
[[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Size Matters in Unexpected Conversations
Valet You got anything smaller?
[After being handed a large denomination bill]
Sgt. Wes Luger Keep it.
Valet Anything larger?
Sgt. Wes Luger Yeah.
[Menacingly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Strained Relationships and Personal Challenges
Det. Irv Lansing My wife and I haven't had sex in over two years. I have a six month old daughter.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Avoiding Consequences for Future Installments
Taglines Don't Shoot, You'll Spoil The Sequel!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Sgt. Jack Colt's Insightful Observation
Main cast ] - Sgt. Jack Colt
[[w:Emilio Estevez|Emilio Estevez]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.