31 quotes
Naked Mile Run and Unexpected Attire
Van Wilder
Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy...
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Censorship and Confidence in Society
Van Wilder
Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.
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Perspective on Life and Death Situations
Van Wilder
I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times.
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A Father's Unconventional Revelation About His Son
Other Characters
Vance Wilder, Sr: Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introduction of Sherri and Terri's Preferences
Van Wilder
I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... ].
[[w:medulla oblongata|medulla oblongata's]
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Identification of the White Barry
Taj Mahal Badalandabad
This is the White Barry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lesson in Unconventional Advice
Van
Now, repeat after me. No cock pump...
Taj
No cock pump.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stay in school, don't be a fool.
Van Wilder
Don't be a fool, stay in school.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Intent in a Lighthearted Manner
Van Wilder
Are you stalking me? Cause that would be super.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Compliments and Connections in Conversation
Van
Blue. It brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes; not unlike yourself. Anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen
Yes, my boyfriend.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Humor in Unusual Situations
Other Characters
Applicant: I see a rabbi. And he's performing a circumcision...on himself though.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Take on Drinking and Midgets
Van Wilder
Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dangers of Apathy
Other Characters
Prof. McDoogle: Apathy is the glove in which evil slips its hand.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Memorable Ten Seconds in Life
Other Characters
Jeannie: It was the greatest ten seconds. Ever.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life's Too Short to Take Seriously
Van Wilder
Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Exploration and Humorous Ambitions
Taj Mahal Badalandabad
Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk I think giant jugs. You see, I can not go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To-to-to smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby, you know? And get it waxed. You know, I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. You know, air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.
[Van Wilder spits out his water]
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Friendship and Secrets in College Life
Van Wilder
Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! Not that you had to.
[under breath]
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Note Taking Advice from Van Wilder
Van Wilder
Write that down.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Futility of Worrying
Van Wilder
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern About Van's Academic Status
Vance Wilder, Sr.
Van is still in school?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Frustrated Outburst of Insults
Taj Mahal Badalandabad
You...you...you....you pussy ass mother fucker dick sucker!
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Perceived Value in Relationships and Narratives
Van Wilder
All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story.
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Advice on safe practices in relationships
Van Wilder
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
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A Character's Firm Response to Nickname Usage
Other Characters
Richard: You do not call her that, Gonad!
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Culmination of Desire and Connection
Taj
This is the culmination of my being.
Naomi
Baby, I'm about to culminate, now get over here.
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Questioning Authority in Hell's Management
Van Wilder
Oh God. If he's here who's running hell?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Identity in College Life
Van Wilder
You must be Pre-Med Dick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Strength in Unexpected Places
Van Wilder
Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Playful wordplay on a character's name
Van Wilder
Her name is Naomi. That's I MOAN backwards.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Follow Your Heart's Path
Van Wilder
Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Birth of Topless Tutors
Van Wilder
And thus, Topless Tutors was born.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.