Never Give a Sucker an Even Break poster

Never Give a Sucker an Even Break Quotes

"It's a Fields-day of fun!"

NR 1941 · 1h 11m
70
Audience
70
Audience
26 quotes
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Desire for Comfort and Luxury
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill Don't you want to live in this beautiful nest, have a personal maid, wear a diaphanous gown, and eat regularly?
[to Gloria Jean]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Beauty and Family Ties in Conversation
Peter Carson If that girl is as beautiful as you say, I'll scale the wall tomorrow.
Ouliotta Delight Hemoglobin You must be a professional.
[after kissing Peter Carson]
Gloria Jean My Uncle Bill...But I still love him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Traveling Alone or in a Group?
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?
[about a large Turkish passenger]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Misunderstandings in Casual Conversation
Waitress And another thing, don't be so free with your hands.
Fields Listen honey. I was only trying to guess your weight. You take things too seriously.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Unexpected Chaos in a Familiar Greeting
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill Hi ya tootie-pie. Everything under control? All five of em hit me at once.
[to a pretty girl; the girl's boyfriend punches him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Realizing a Missed Opportunity with Humor
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill Why didn't I think of that parachute? What a bump!
[after falling from a plane, and landing on a mattress]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Perspective on Fear in Crisis Situations
Gloria Jean We're falling two thousand feet!
Fields All right, dear. Don't start worrying until we get down to one-thousand, nine-hundred, and ninety-nine. It's the last foot that's dangerous.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Martini Misadventures on a Flight
Flight Attendant Are you air sick?
Fields Somebody put too many olives in my martinis last night.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Cold Shower with No Extra Charge
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill No extra charge for the cold shower I hope.
[after a waitress pours water in his lap]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Reflecting on Fortunate Circumstances in Travel
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill Lucky we didn't have an accident...We'd never have made it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
A Conversation About Ambitions and Choices
Gloria Jean But how can you look out for me when I'm here and you're way down there?
Fields You want to go to school, don't you?...You want to grow up and be dumb like ZaSu Pitts?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Questioning Masculinity and Identity
Ouliotta Are you really a man?
Fields Well, I've been called other things.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
A Reflection on Love and Regret
Gloria Jean Why didn't you ever marry?
Fields I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
A Humorous Take on a Bank Heist
Radio report ...two crooks who have just held up the bank for one hundred and fifty thousand...that is all.
Fields That is all? A hundred and fifty thousand. That's all. It ain't hay, is it?
Radio report ...One crook - slight build, evidently a jockey, has a horse scar behind his left ear...other crook has corn teeth, cauliflower ear, apple-red cheeks, mutton-chop whiskers.
Fields Sounds like a full-course dinner to me! What? No apple pie?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Unpleasant Sensation Described Humorously
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill I feel as though somebody stepped on my tongue with muddy feet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
A Woman with a Substantial Fortune
Peter Carson She has a bank roll so big a greyhound couldn't leap over it.
[about Mrs. Hemoglobin]
Fields She seemed like an awfully nice woman to me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Menu Confusion at the Diner
Fields Is there any goulash on this menu?
Waitress It's roast beef gravy.
[wiping a spot off the menu]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
The Futility of Arguing with Women
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill There's no sense arguing with a woman.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Advice on the Importance of Sleep
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill Get plenty of sleep. That's what the doctor told me.
[offering a cure for insomnia]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Skepticism Towards Men's Deceitful Nature
Mrs. Hemoglobin Men. Men. They're all alike. They'll deceive you as your father did me. He kissed a chorus girl and when I found out he said, Oh, I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing.
Ouliotta Do you think he drinks?
Mrs. Hemoglobin He didn't get that nose from playing ping-pong.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Philosophical Reflection on Whiskey and Mortality
Receptionist You big hotty-dottie. You smoke vile cigars all day and drink whiskey half the night. Someday, you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
[talking on the phone]
Fields Drown in a vat of whiskey. Death where is thy sting?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Skepticism Towards Unexpected Talent
Mr. Pangborn Marvelous. Wonderful. Amazing. The girl has been living on a mountaintop since she was three months old and for no reason at all, suddenly blossoms out with Jump and Jive. Do you actually think I'm a dope? Now don't you answer that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Frustration with Unwelcome Guests
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill I don't know why I ever come in here - The flies get the best of everything.
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Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Critique of Script Quality and Continuity
Mr. Pangborn This script is an insult to a man's intelligence - even mine...It's impossible, inconceivable, incomprehensible, and besides that, it's no good. And as for the continuity, it's terrible.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
A Humorous Exchange Between Waitress and Fields
Waitress And another thing. You're always squawking about something. If it isn't the steak, it's something else.
Fields I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
Waitress You're as funny as a cry for help.
Fields You used to be an old Follies girl?
Waitress You know, there's something awfully big about you. Your nose.
[pause]
Fields There's something awfully big about you too.
[Looking at her rear end]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Understanding a Kitten Stocking Joke
Kid What's a kitten stocking?
Fields A sock on the puss!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.