19 quotes
Forgotten Laughter in Comedy
Cheech
Yeah, real funny, man... so funny I forgot to laugh...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A question about hamburgers.
Howie Hamburger Dude
Would you like to have a hamburger?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition at the Hamburger Train
Howie Hamburger Dude
You're the guy from the hamburger train, right? Yeah, the hambur-
[sniffs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The High Life Experience Redefined
Taglines
The High Life Never Tasted So Good!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Compliment on Physical Appearance
Sgt. Stedenko
You... have beautiful eyes. Yes you do...
[talking to a lizard]
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Cheech's Affectionate Remarks on Cannabis Plants
Cheech
Ooh, Oaxaca. Ooh, sensi. How are you, my darling? Oh, God, your buds are getting so big. I have to get you a training bra. You got some lint in your belly button there. There you go. All right. Okay, you guys, be cool.
[talking to his plants]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Request for Unconventional Assistance
Cheech
Hey, scratch my balls, man... anybody scratch my balls!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Wealth Revealed in Conversation
Chong
Hey, how much money do we have now?
Cheech
All together?
Chong
Yeah, all together?
Cheech
Let's see, mmm, uh, oh man! We have $17,000,000!
Chong
Really?
Cheech
Oh, wait, well, um, 17, something. Who cares? We're rich, man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coping with Suspicion in Drug Deals
Chong
Hey, man, that dude looked kinda straight to be buying dope.
Cheech
Hey, man, don't worry about it. I checked him out myself, man. He ain't a cop. I can smell cops a mile away, man. They smell like coffee and doughnuts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cremation Plans Discussed by Characters
Chong
You know what I wanna do when I die, man?
Cheech
What?
Chong
I'm gonna get cremated, man.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Yeah. Then I wanna get my ashes put in a baggie, you know.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Then I'm gonna have all my friends - we'll have a party and then everybody will smoke me. Mix it with some good shit, you know.
Cheech
Remind me not to be one of your friends when you die.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Intelligence and Substance Use in Conversation
Chong
Hey, listen, there's a lot of smart dudes who do coke, man.
Cheech
Yeah? Like who?
Chong
Like, ] does coke. And he isn't so stupid.
[[Sherlock Holmes]
Cheech
Sherlock Holmes?
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Desire for Freedom and Release
Timothy Leary
You want the key?
Cheech
Hey, please, Doc. Get me outta here. Let me be free. I just want the key, okay?
Timothy Leary
You're sure you want to be free?
Cheech
Yeah! Yeah! I want to be free. Just give me the key, okay? Please.
Timothy Leary
Come here. Stick out your tongue.
Cheech
What?
Timothy Leary
Stick out your tongue. There's the key.
[puts a cube on Cheech's tongue]
Cheech
This is not the key. I want the key.
Timothy Leary
That's the key to the universe.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debating the Attractiveness of Women
Cheech
Those are the ugliest chicks I ever saw in my life.
Chong
No kidding, man. But if they're so ugly, how come you were hitting on them?
Cheech
I wasn't hitting on them, man.
Chong
Well, that part about asking them if they were models, man.
Cheech
I was trying to be nice, man.
Chong
Models for Kal-Can dog food.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trusting Instincts in Uncertain Situations
Sgt. Stedenko
You know we cannot trust our own instincts, now I want you send this down to the analyzer and have it labbed. I'll take care of it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Entrepreneurs in the Ice Cream Business
Taglines
The story of two enterprising young men who make an amazing amount of money selling ice cream.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Investing in a Rest Home for Hippies
Chong
You know what I think we should invest in, man?
Cheech
What?
Chong
A rest home for old hippies.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Cause, man, you know, like, hippies have been around since the 60's man.
Cheech
Yeah.
Chong
You know, and there really isn't like a hip place for em to go when they get real old, you know.
Cheech
Yeah.
Chong
You know, how I see it, you know, it's like a regular rest home except you have all the dope you can smoke, you know, for these old people. They'd listen to all the music they want, you know.
Cheech
Like we could call it: Laid Back Manor.
Chong
Yeah! Hey, great. Yeah.
Cheech
That'd be heavy.
Chong
Because, you know, I mean, like, what do people do when they get old? You know, they usually keep them stoned, laid-back.
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Catching a Doper Through Deceptive Means
Sgt. Stedenko
The only way to catch a doper is when you yourself become a smoker. The surest way to make them bleed is when you bust their ass and steal their weed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coping with Repeated Mistakes in Friendship
Cheech
Man, I can't believe you. Every time you do coke, this shit happens.
Chong
Hey, wait a minute, man. How come every time I do coke, you say that "every time you do coke" thing?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams of Wealth and Guitars
Cheech
We're rich. Hey, let's buy a villa in ]. That'd be great. We could just...
[[Costa Rica]
Chong
I'm gonna get some more guitars.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Yeah, I wanna get a Fender. No, I don't like Fenders, man. No, I'll get one anyway.
Cheech
Let's get one of those big, white houses, man. You know, like, with a veranda, you know. With a porch. We'd be sitting out there sipping pina colonics, man.
Chong
Pina colonics?
Cheech
Yeah.
Chong
What's that?
Cheech
You know, they make them in a blender, man. You know.
Chong
Oh, yeah.
Cheech
Yeah. We'd have topless ladies, man. Maybe we'll make ourselves sun kings. You know, buy a little island. We'll put two little chairs on a little hill, and every day at noon we'll go up there and all the natives will bow down to us and we'll throw them joints, you know. I like to help the little people, man. Like, that's important in life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.