18 quotes
Financial Insights Amidst Vintage Steel Discussion
Chris
Alvin, I was just thinking you've got enough vintage steel around here to make a few 1000 Toyotas. Ever think of selling the whole place to the Japanese?
J.P.
There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a banker grope for money?
Chris
I'm not a banker, I'm a financial publisher.
J.P.
Well, all I know is in 17 after they shipped me off to fight, some New York financier rolled into here one day and hog-glowsered and tub-wankled my grandfather into mining out the whole town in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. Do you know who those stock certificates are worth today?
J.P.
JUST ABOUT THE FINEST OUTHOUSE WALLPAPER YOU'VE EVER SEEN! We were forced to become what you drove through today; a burnt out coal field and the biggest icebox graveyard this side of the Ohio foundry belt! And that's why I *never* let a banker go!
Fausto
So your grandpa made a lousy deal, is that our problem?
Diane
Judge, that's a very tragic, tragic story.
J.P.
I believe it is.
Renalda
You should do a book.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Minor Offenses and Occupations
Chris
Come on, death for running a stop sign?
J.P.
*And* for being a banker! That's the double death.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fausto's Disgust with Unconventional Company
Fausto
You people are sick, wicked, funky, misanthropic, co-dependent animals! And I won't have my sister, who was once the Queen of the Mardi Gras, sitting at a table with a pickle-shooting train!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Getaway Turns into Trouble
Tagline
All they wanted was a little getaway. All they got was nothing but trouble.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life and Death in Critical Moments
J.P.
If it was an ambulance you got a chance, if it's in a hearse, it's got to be worse!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comparing Frustration to Yellow Storms
J.P.
You know, you are worse than a week of yellow shitstorms.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wealthy Habits of Brazillionaires Explained
Chris
They're Brazillionaires, they have breakfast at 2:00 PM in the afternoon.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expectations Based on Possessions
Fausto
You've got a BMW. Act like it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Brazillionaire's Memory Is Unforgettable
Chris
I should have known. A Brazillionaire never forgets.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Journey to Atlantic City Begins in Trunk
Fausto
Where are we going?
Chris
We're going to Atlantic City, Fausto. Get in the trunk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Efficiency from a One-Eyed Immigrant
Mike
Evening, Mr. Throne.
Chris
110 blocks in less than 15 minutes, not bad for a one-eyed Russian immigrant.
[''getting out of the car'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Request to Remove Footwear from Bedpan
J.P.
Get your Eye-talian loafers out of my bedpan!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Listening to Unusual Demands
Diane
Let's just be quiet and let him do his little thing and we'll be on our way.
J.P.
Oh, I will let you be on your way. And when you go...
J.P.
THE CAT'S EYES'LL SPIN! NOW, LISTEN!
Chris
Okay, we'll listen!
J.P.
Hey, hey, ha! Hoh ha! Heh, heh, heh, heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake!
[''calm again'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gratitude for an Unusual Gift
Chris
Thanks for the espresso maker... and the bag of shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Frustrated Comeback in Conversation
J.P.
Go suck a bug.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hawaiian Punch: A Refreshing Road Trip Treat
J.P.
Welcome to Supper! How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?
[''plunges an oil spout into a punch drink can'']
Chris
Thank you, Judge. You know, there's nothing better at the end of a long day on the road than a nice warm glass of Hawaiian Punch.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Language and Decorum
Diane
Oh, and no cussing.
[''passing "No Cussing" sign'']
Chris
Oh, shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Humor in a Party Setting
J.P.
You really put the pin in the party hog now, girl!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.