14 quotes
Unattainable Love and Its Consequences
William
There's this girl...
Spike
Aha, see I've been getting a female vibe. Good. Speak on, dear friend.
William
Ah, see she's someone who can't be mine. And, uh it's as if I've taken love heroin and now I can't ever have it again. I've opened ] and there's trouble inside.
[[w:Pandora's box|Pandora's box]
Spike
Yeah. Tricky. I knew a girl at school called Pandora...never got to see her box though.
[pause; laughs]
William
Right. Well thanks, that's very helpful.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication in a Lighthearted Moment
William
Whoopsidaisies!
[slipping while trying to climb a fence]
Anna
What did you say?
William
Nothing.
Anna
Yes you did.
William
No I didn't.
Anna
You said "whoopsidaisies".
William
I don't think so. No one says "whoopsidaisies" do they? Unless they're...
Anna
There is no "unless." No one has said "whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and even then it was only just little girls with blonde ringlets.
William
Exactly. Right, here we go again. Whoopsidaisies. It's a disease I've got. It's a clinical thing. I'm taking pills and having injections. I'm told it won't last long.
[he falls off the fence again]
William
Now what in the world in this garden could make that ordeal worthwhile?
[after hitting his shin on a fence while climbing over it]
William
Nice garden.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Perils of Loving the Unattainable
Max
Let's face facts, this was always a no-win situation. Anna's a goddess; you know what happens to mortals who get involved with gods.
William
Buggered, is it?
Max
Every time.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Judgments on Celebrity Relationships and Appearances
William
So what do you think? Good move?
Honey
Good move. When all is said and done, she's nothing special. I saw her taking her trousers down and I definitely glimpsed some cellulite down there.
Bella
Good decision. All actresses are as mad as snakes.
William
Tony, what do you think?
Tony
Never met her, never want to.
William
Brilliant. Max?
Max
Absolutely. Never trust a vegetarian.
William
Great. Thanks. Brilliant.
Spike
I was called and I came. What's up?
Honey
William's just turned down Anna Scott.
Spike
You daft prick!
[shocked]
Honey
No, no, no, no, it's actually quite sensible.
Bella
That painting isn't the original, is it?
[looks at the painting of the Chagall that Anna gave William]
William
Umm, yeah, I think it might be.
Bernie
But she said she wanted to go out with you?
William
Yes...sort of...
Bernie
That's nice.
William
What?
Bernie
Well, you know, anyone saying they want to go out with you is...pretty great...isn't it?
William
It was sort of sweet, actually- um, I mean, I know she's an actress and all that, so she can deliver a line, but she said she might be as famous as can be, but also...that she was just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her. Oh, sod a dog, I've made the wrong decision, haven't I? Max, how fast is your car?
[pause; Spike nods. Another pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Unexpected Invitation to Stay
Bella
Do you want to stay?
William
Why not? All that awaits me at home is a masturbating Welshman.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Unexpected Apology in a Restaurant
William
I'm sorry.
[leaving the restaurant after challenging the loud guys]
Anna
No, I love that you tried. Time was I'd have done the same thing. In fact... Hi.
[turns back and walks up to the loud table]
Loud Man in Restaurant
Oh. My. God.
Anna
I just wanted to apologize for my friend - he's very sensitive.
Loud Man in Restaurant
No, I mean...
Anna
No, leave it. I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, I'm sure it was just friendly banter, I'm sure you guys have dicks the size of peanuts. Enjoy your dinner, the tuna's really good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Ethics of Eating as a Fruitarian
Keziah
No, thanks, I'm a fruitarian.
Max
I didn't realize that.
William
And, ah, what exactly is a fruitarian?
Keziah
We believe that fruits and vegetables have feelings, so we think cooking is cruel. We only eat things that've actually fallen off a tree or bush- that are, in fact, dead already.
William
Right, right. Interesting stuff. So, uh these carrots...?
Keziah
Have been murdered, yes.
William
Murdered? Poor old carrots. How beastly!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Curious Fascination with Breasts
Anna
What is it about men and nudity? Particularly breasts? How can you be so interested in them?
William
Well...
Anna
I mean, seriously- they're just breasts, every second person in the world has them.
William
Oh, more than that, when you think about it: you know, ] has a very nice pair!
[[w:Meat Loaf|Meat Loaf]
Anna
But... they're odd looking, they're for milk, your mother has them, you've seen a thousand of them. What's all the fuss about?
[laughing]
William
Actually, I can't think of what it is, really. Let me just have a quick look... No, no, beats me.
[peeks under blanket]
Anna
Yeah. ] used to say, "They go to bed with Gilda, they wake up with me.
[laughs; [w:Rita Hayworth|Rita Hayworth]
William
Who's Gilda?
Anna
Her most famous part. Men went to bed with the dream, they didn't like it when they'd wake up with the reality. Do you feel that way?
William
You are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Love and Vulnerability
William
Anna, look. I’m a fairly level-headed bloke, not often in and out of love. But, uh… can I just say no to your kind request and leave it at that?
Anna
Yes, fine. Of course, I, of course. Oh, well I’ll just be going then. It was nice seeing you.
William
The thing is, with you I'm in real danger. It seems like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper of yours, but my relatively inexperienced heart would I fear not recover uh if I was, once again, cast aside as I would absolutely expect to be. There's just too many pictures of you, too many films. You know, you'd go and I'd be... uh, well buggered basically.
Anna
That really is a real no, is it?
William
I live in Notting Hill, you live in Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world knows who you are; my mother has trouble remembering my name.
Anna
Fine. Fine. Good decision. Good decision. The fame thing isn't really real you know? And don't forget I'm... I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
[Nods her head; After a pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Simple Birthday Greetings Among Friends
Max
Hi.
[''Opens door.'']
Honey
Hi.
[''Shows off her dress.'']
Max
Ah yes, Happy Birthday.
Honey
Thank you.
Max
Look, your brother's brought this girl ...
Honey
Hi guys! Oh, holy fuck!
[''Walks into the house and turns a corner.'']
William
Hon, this is Anna. Anna, this is Honey. She is my baby sister.
Anna
Oh, hi.
Honey
Oh God! This is one of those key moments in life when it's possible you can be really genuinely cool and I ... I'm going to fail just a 100%. I ... I absolutely, totally, and utterly adore you, and I just think ... you are the most beautiful woman in the world. And more importantly, I genuinely believe, and I've believed for some time now, that ... that we could be best friends. So what do you think?
Anna
Oh ... ha ha, uh, lucky me! Um ah well, Happy Birthday.
[''Offers present.'']
Honey
Oh, you gave me a present. We're best friends already then. ... Marry Will! He's a really nice guy. Then we can be sisters.
Anna
Well, I'll think about it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About Relationships and Intentions
Max
You haven't slept with her, have you?
William
That is a cheap question and the answer is, of course, no comment.
Max
No comment" means "yes.
William
No, it doesn't.
Max
Do you ever masturbate?
William
DEFINITELY no comment.
Max
You see? It means "yes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Dispute Over a Brownie
Anna
Wait, what about me?
Max
Sorry, you think you deserve the brownie?
Anna
Well, a shot at it, at least, huh?
William
Well, you'll have to fight me for it- this is a very good brownie.
Anna
I've been on a diet every day since I was nineteen, which basically means I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a series of not-nice boyfriends, one of whom hit me. Ah, and every time I get my heart broken, the newspapers splash it about as though it's entertainment. And it's taken two rather painful operations to get me looking like this.
Honey
Really?
Anna
Really. And, one day, not long from now, my looks will go, they'll discover I can't act and I'll become some sad, middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.
[indicates chin and nose]
Max
Nah, nice try, gorgeous, but you don't fool anyone.
[long pause; all laugh]
William
Pathetic effort to hog the brownie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship Boundaries Explored in Conversation
P.R. Chief
Right. Yes. The gentleman in the pink shirt.
William
Yes. Miss Scott, are there any circumstances in which the two of you might be more than just good friends?
Anna
I hoped there would be but no, I've been assured that there aren't.
William
But what would you say...
P.R. Chief
I'm sorry. Just the one question.
Anna
No. It's alright. You were saying?
William
I was just wondering if uh it turned out that this person...
Journalist
Thacker. His name is Thacker.
William
Right. Thanks. Just wondered if Mr. Thacker realised he'd been a daft prick and got down on his knees and begged you to reconsider whether you would in fact... then reconsider.
Anna
Yes. I believe I would.
[pause]
William
That's very good news. Um, the readers of Horse and Hound will be absolutely delighted.
P.R. Chief
Right, uh...Dominic... if you'd like to ask your question again?
Journalist
Yeah? Anna, how long are you intending to stay here in Britain?
Anna
Indefinitely.
[pause, smiles; Elvis Costello's "She" begins to play as the camera pans between Will and Anna]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nudity Clauses in Acting Contracts
Anna
The thing that's so irritating is that now I'm so totally fierce when it comes to nudity clauses.
William
You actually have clauses in your contract about nudity?
Anna
Definitely. "You may show the dent of the top of the artist's buttocks, but neither cheek. Or, if there's a stunt bottom being used, artists must have full consultation".
William
You have a stunt bottom?
Anna
Well, I could have a stunt bottom, yes.
William
Are people tempted to go for better bottoms than their own?
Anna
Well, yeah, I would. This is important stuff.
William
Well, that's one hell of a job, isn't it? What do you put on your passport? "Occupation, ]'s bottom.
[[w:Mel Gibson|Mel Gibson]
Anna
Actually, Mel does his own ass work.
William
Right.
Anna
Why wouldn't he?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.