Pardon Us Quotes

Warden My, my, and still they come. Let us begin with a perfect understanding. I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here. Keep one thing in mind, it all depends on you yourselves just how you're going to fare during your stay here. Never forget that this is a prison, and in a prison, all the rules must be obeyed. Discipline is the one thing that must be observed. If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay. If you're not, if you break the rules, then it will be just plain hell on Earth. Do you understand?

Stanley Yes, sir.

Warden Wha...!

Oliver It was his tooth...

Warden Shut up, you! Put them in cell 14!

Prison Guard But not in with The Tiger, sir.

Warden Put them in Cell 14! Get them out of here before I lose my temper!! Talking to the warden like that! A fine piece business. Convicts talking to the warden. Why, I'll take those men, I'll break them! I'll put them in Cell 14. I don't care who's in there! What I'll do with them.

Stanley If they turn out good, can I have one?

Prison Guard Come on, get out of here!

Warden My boys, and you are my boys, I hold in my hand the pardons for both of you. This is the state's gesture in showing it's appreciation of your bravery. It was the firing of the signal shots in the mess hall that saved us from a disaster of cataclysmic dimensions.

Oliver Thank you, sir.

Warden Now go, begin life a new. Forget this. Let this episode here be just a hiatus to be obliterated from your memory. And don't forget that I'm your friend. Anything that I can do to help you start where you left off, call on me at any time.

Oliver Thank you. We'll start all over again.

Stanley We certainly will. Can we take your order for a couple of cases?

Warden Why you...!

Oliver We're not going to the mess hall. We're not going to eat.

Prison Guard You're not going to eat?

Stanley No, we're on a hunger strike.

Oliver Emphatically.

Prison Guard What? You're going to pass up that nice, big roast turkey with chestnut dressing, and sweet potatoes Southern style, great big pans of hot biscuits, strawberry shortcake smothered in whipped cream, sprinkled with powdered sugar, with a nice, big maraschino cherry on the top of it. Course, followed by a nice, big slice of ice cold watermelon and a big, black cigar.

Stanley Any nuts?

Prison Guard All you can eat of em.

Stanley How about postponing the strike until tomorrow?

Oliver Well... But not one minute after tomorrow.

Prison Guard Come on, fall in!

Stanley Hey! What about that turkey dinner?

Prison Guard Sit down, you!

Oliver Who ever heard of a dentist hurting you these days? Why, you won't even feel it.

Stanley You won't feel it, but how about me? How about those other fellows?

Oliver Ha ha ha ha, they were only laughing.

Oliver You know, there are times when you try my patience. There's nothing do it. It's all in your mind. Now just sit back and... Relax. Why they could pull every tooth in my head and I wouldn't even feel it.

Oliver Why didn't you tell him?

Stanley I thought you were laughing.

Taglines The world has been waiting for THEIR FIRST FULL LENGTH TALKING PICTURE

Taglines Their jail break is a riot! It will give you the time of your life.

Schoolteacher We will now have an intelligence test"(camera pans to his unintelligent pupils)

Oliver Well here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

Stanley What do you mean I got you into?

Oliver Well, you sold that policeman that bottle of beer, didn't you?

Stanley I thought he was a streetcar conductor.

Oliver They'll never recognize us in a 100 years. For once in your life you've hit up on a good idea.

Stanley A practical idea.

Oliver What about the tooth? The buzzer.

Stanley Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanized it.

Oliver You what?

Stanley I vulcanized it. I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.

Oliver You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.

Stanley What do you mean associa-

Oliver Tut tut tut tut.

Stanley Tut tut tut tut?

Schoolteacher We will now have the role call. Those that are here will answer "present". Those that are not here will say "absent".

Taglines Mr. Hardy is a man of wonderful ideas—so is Mr. Laurel—as long as he doesn't try to think.