13 quotes
Pee-wee Presents Evidence of His Stolen Bike
Pee-wee
This box contains over 217 bits and pieces of information: Evidence. Exhibit A: A photograph of the victims: My bike and me. Exhibit B: Another photograph. What's missing from this picture? It's just me...WITHOUT MY BIKE! Is this something you can share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?! Exhibit C: The horn I was picking up at Chuck's Bike-O-Rama, when my bike was actually stolen. Exhibit D: Jimmy, what is this?
[extracts some evidence, starting with a photograph; exposes a second photograph; Amazing Larry is about to whisper to Mario; Larry reacts, then he extracts...; honks his horn at full blast, and the crowd reacts to it; then he extracts a pen]
Jimmy
Uh...
[thinks]
Pee-wee
Too late! Chip?
Chip
Uh, looks like a pen.
Pee-wee
Exactly! I bought this pen one hour before my bike was stolen. Why?! What's the significance?! I DON'T KNOW! Exhibit Q: A scale-model of the entire mall! X marks the scene of the crime. These arrows here show the exact position of the sun at the hour of the crime. Jupiter was aligned with Pluto! The moon was in the seventh...
[several hours later; points to the scale model with the pointer]
Chuck
Pee-wee!
Pee-wee
Please save your questions until I'm THROUGH, Chuck!
Chuck
Well, when will that be? A long time, we wait! We've been here for over three hours now, and I'm not sure if any of us can see what all this is supposed to mean.
Pee-wee
Supposed to mean"? "Supposed to MEAN"?! I think everyone here knows what this is supposed to mean. When you've gone over something again and again and again and again, like I have. Certain questions get answered. Others spring up! The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting... : ...and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting!
[snaps the pointer in half, causing Speck to cower under the laundry; most of the guests leave]
Dottie
Pee-wee, let's go up and get some fresh air, alright?
Pee-wee
What for?
Dottie
Because it's hot in here.
Pee-wee
Hot? Who's hot? Feels just fine to me. I feel just PERFECT! In fact, I can't remember when I felt quite so COZY down here!
Dottie
Pee-wee, I think I can get Chuck to give you a good break on one of the bikes in the shop.
Pee-wee
I don't want some other crappy bike!
Dottie
Well, Pee-wee, listen, if you want my help...
Pee-wee
I DON'T want your help! I don't need the police and I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Living the Experience Over Watching It
Pee-wee
Come on, Dottie. Let's go.
Dottie
Let's go? Don't you wanna see the rest of the movie?
Pee-wee
I don't have to see it, Dottie. I lived it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Rebel's Quest for His Beloved Bike
Taglines
The story of a rebel and his bike.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Scream Freely in the Distance
Pee-wee Herman
Go ahead and scream your head off! We're MILES from where anyone can hear you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Acknowledge Intentionality in Actions
Pee-wee Herman
I meant to do that.
[falls off bike after attempting tricks]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Always Ready for Action
Kevin
Well, is everything straightened out?
Jerry
We are ready whenever you are.
Kevin
Doesn't it look like I'm ready? I am ALWAYS ready! I have BEEN ready since first call! I AM READY! ROLL!
[loudly]
Jerry
Quiet, please! This is a take. Roll, please.
Cameraman
Speed!
Kevin
ACTION!
Jerry
Action!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Proposal for a Drive-In Date
Dottie
I wanna know if you'll go someplace, with me.
Pee-wee
Like where?
Dottie
The drive-in.
Pee-wee
Look, Dottie, I like you. Like! I like you!
Dottie
That's the thing. I like you, too.
Pee-wee
Dottie! There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.
[shouts; calm voice]
Dottie
I don't understand.
Pee-wee
You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Biker Gang's Violent Proposal Against Pee-wee
Biker 2
I say we kill him!
Biker Gang
YEAH!
Biker 3
I say we hang him, then we kill him!
Biker Gang
YEAH!
Biker 4
I say we stomp him!
Biker Gang
YEAH!
Biker 4
Then we tattoo him!
Biker Gang
YEAH!
Biker 4
Then we hang him!
Biker Gang
YEAH!!
Biker 4
And then we kill him!
Biker Gang
YEAH!!!
Pee-wee
I say we let him go!
[tries to throw his voice without moving his lips]
Biker Gang
NO!!!
Biker Mama
I say ya let ME have him first!
[whistles and grabs Pee-wee]
Pee-wee
Wait! Don't I get a last request?
Lead Biker
Why not?
[turns to his gang, then to Pee-wee]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Birthday Wish and a Friendly Exchange
Francis
Good morning, Pee-wee.
Pee-Wee
Hello, Francis.
Francis
Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want.
Pee-wee
Good for you and your father.
Francis
So guess what I want.
Pee-wee
A new brain.
Francis
No! Your bike. What's so funny, Pee-wee?
[Pee-wee laughs on the ground]
Pee-wee
It's not for sale, Francis!
[gets back on his feet]
Francis
My father says everything's negotiable, Pee-wee.
Pee-wee
I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for 100 billion-million-TRILLION dollars!
Francis
Then you're crazy!
Pee-wee
I know you are, but what am I?
Francis
You're a nerd!
Pee-wee
I know you are, but what am I?
Francis
You're an idiot!
Pee-wee
I know you are, but what am I?
Pee-wee and Francis
I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?!
Pee-wee
Infinity!
Francis
No. I'm not.
Pee-wee and Francis
You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!
Francis
Oh, shut up, Pee-wee!
Pee-wee
Why don't you make me?
Francis
Why don't you make me?
Pee-wee
Because I don't make monkeys. I just train em!
Francis
Oh, Pee-wee, listen to reason! Come on!
[Pee-wee puts his hand beside his left ear]
Pee-wee
Shh! I'm listening to reason.
Francis
Pee-wee!
Pee-wee
That's my name, don't wear it out!
[takes his bike]
Francis
Remember the first time I saw your bike? You were riding past my house, and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?
Pee-wee
I love that story.
[chuckles and leaves with his bike]
Francis
You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman!
[angrily points his finger at his rival]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Haunting Tale of a Tragic Accident
Pee-wee
Thanks for stopping. Some night, huh?
[rides off]
Large Marge
On this very night, ten years ago, on this same stretch of road, in the dense fog, just like this, I saw the worse accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building. And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning, WRECK, it looked like...THIS! Yes, sir. That was the worst accident I ever seen.
[a few seconds later while driving; makes a hideously deformed face, causing Pee-wee to scream; back to normal]
Pee-Wee
You can drop me off here. Have a nice day!
[the truck stops before he gets off; chuckles]
Large Marge
Be sure and tell em, Large Marge sent ya! HA HA HA HA HA!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over a Beloved Bicycle
Pee-wee
Still wanna buy my bike, Francis?!
Francis
What would I do with that old relic? I can have any bike in the world!
Pee-wee
AHA! You don't want it anymore, because you already have it! Tell me where it is before I lose patience with you, Francis!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pee-wee Inquires About Francis's Activities
Pee-wee
I wanna see Francis!
Butler
Francis is busy.
Pee-wee
Busy doin what?
Butler
He's having his bath.
Pee-wee
Oh, really? Where are they hosin him down?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Phone Call Disrupted by Biker Club Rules
Pee-wee
SHH!!!! I'm trying to use the phone!
[the bikers all stop and stare at Pee-wee]
Biker 1
Did anybody tell you that this is the private club of The Satan's Helpers?
[hangs up the phone]
Pee-wee
Nobody hipped me to that, dude.
Biker 1
It's off-limits!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.