Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997) - Quotes

Taglines: A Comedy of Blonders.

Taglines: The Blonde Leading The Blonde.

Taglines: Coming Soon To Theaters Everywhere... Okay?

Romy: I've been killing myself for eight days and I gained a pound.

Michele: That's impossible. Did you deduct 16 pounds for your shoes?

Heather: Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what do you want?

Cowboy: You were right, I was a brain-dead redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister.

Heather: Why not, couldn't catch em?

Cowboy: Guess I deserve that. I was a jerk. I'm so miserable in high school, I don't think I spoke more than two words the entire time. Just couldn't breathe there, you know, plus I was a really bad stutterer. Listen do you, uh, want to go somewhere quiet? Somewhere we can talk?

Heather: [surprised at the invite; the Cowboy nods] You...you want to talk to me? OK cowboy, I don't know what your trip is, but if this is some kind of a sick game.

Cowboy: What? No!

Heather: If you fuck with me, in any way, I will rip each and every appendage from your body, starting with your dick. Capice?

Cowboy: Look, I just wanted to talk.

Heather: [they head off] OK what the hell... What is your name?

Cowboy: Clarence.

Heather: Clarence, I like the name.

Cowboy: Thank you.

Heather: Pick up the pace.

Heather Mooney: [goes somewhere else] That's Sandy Frink? The hell was I thinking?

Christie: [tries to greet Sandy; Frink slightly smiles at her but moves on] Sandy, hi! You look so rich. I mean, great.

Sandy Frink: Michele. After all these years, you still take my breath away.

Michele: Thanks. So you must be, like, the most successful person in our entire graduating class.

Sandy: Well, I guess that depends on how you define "success." If, to you, success means having a house in Aspen. one in Acapulco, penthouse in New York, mansion in Malibu, 60-foot yacht, an eight-seat Windstar, a Bell Jet Ranger, a Bentley, a personal trainer, a full-time chef, a live-in masseuse, and a staff of 24, then, yeah... I guess I am successful. But no matter how much I accumulate... there's still one thing I just don't have.

Michele: [lost in his monologue] Your own country?

Sandy: I don't have you, Michele. Will you dance with me?

Michele: Only if Romy can dance with us.

Sandy: [they perform a dance rendition of Time After Time] Sure.

Toby: Since you never got around to it in high school, I was wondering if you would sign my yearbook. And please don't tell me to fuck off, because it really hurts my feelings.

Heather: [reacts at the revelation] I hurt your feelings?

Toby: Yeah, all the time.

Heather: Tremendous! That's tremendous! Go get your stupid yearbook, I would be happy to sign it!

Cheryl: [scoffs] I don't believe it!

Christie: What?

Cheryl: That!

Kelly: They're ba-aaack!

Christie: Nice outfits. Post-It's must be really lucrative!

Michele: [as they close the distance] Romy, are you sure you wanna do this?

Romy: [when they finally confront the clique; people react; everybody is stunned at them standing up to the A-Group. Cheryl and Kelly laugh sarcastically] Oh yeah, Michele. I am so sure! What the hell is your problem, Christie? Why are you always such a nasty bitch? You get some kind of sick pleasure from torturing other people? I mean, yeah okay, so Michele and I did make up some lame story. We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings, but you know what I finally realized? I don't care if you like us, cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think! Come on Michele.

Michele: Okay, and...yeah!

Christie: Unbelievable! They're as deluded about their lives as they are about those hideous clothes.

Lisa Luder: [comes from behind the clique; looks at Christie; classmates react positively] Actually, Christie. They've got nice lines. A fun, frisky use of color. All in all, I'd have to say they're really... not bad!

Christie: [dismisses positive reception] Well, we still think they're ridiculous. Don't we girls?

Lisa: [seeing the other two women keeping quiet and looking away] Why don't you just let them think for themselves for once?

Christie: You're just jealous, because unlike a certain ball-busting dried-up career woman, I might mention, we're all happily married!

Lisa: [looks at Romy and Michele before walking off] That's right, Christie...keep telling yourself that.

Christie Masters Christensen: So, Mi-chele! What are you up to?

Michele: Oh, okay. Um, I invented Post-Its.

Christie: No offense, Michele, but how in the world did you think of Post-Its?

Michele: Uh...

Romy: And I thought of them completely by myself. I mean, all Michele did was say: "What about making them yellow?

Michele: [turns to the A Group] Actually I invented a special kind of glue.

Christie: Oh really? Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a detailed account of exactly how you concocted this miracle glue, would you?

Michele: No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin, and then after it cools you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns...out I was right.

Michele: [looks at a customer looking into a mirror] To me, fashion is just like... everything. By the way... Hi! That blouse looks great on you!

Irate Customer: [looking pleased] Thank you!

Michele: [does masturbating gesture; Irate Customer looks embarrassed and leaves] And see? I have this really believable way of telling people they look really good, even though I'm just, you know... I think she heard me.

Romy: Wonder why we didn't get an invitation? I'm sure Michele would have told me if she got one.

Heather: Michele Weinberger?

Romy: Umhmm.

Heather: Do you live with Michele Weinberger?

Romy: Yeah.

Heather: I just figured she'd be married to Sandy by now.

Romy: Sandy Frink?

Heather: Yes, Sandy Frink! He could barely contain his erection every time she walked by! Why do you think he always carried around that huge notebook?

Romy: The Frink-a-zoid and Michele, I'm sure! Besides, didn't you have a thing for Sandy in high school?

Heather: [to customer behind her; to Romy] I did not have a thing! I did not have a thing, I did not have a thing! I was very much in love with him! Very much in love and there's a difference! There's a difference! There's a difference! I have to go now!