31 quotes
Uncertainty in Response
Dr. Phil
Not exactly.
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Aliens and Dinosaurs: Unbelievable Revelation
Brenda
(holding up Shaquille O'Neal's femur) I don't believe it! The aliens killed a dinosaur!
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Playing for Your Lives
Jigsaw
Gentlemen, you don't know me, but I know you. You both play games with people for a living, but now you are going to be playing for your lives.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgency in Achieving a Simple Task
Dr. Phil
Just make the damn basket!
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Cultural Differences in Expression
Brenda
Well, they don't call it churnin where I come from!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice for Handling a Metal Arm
Dr. Phil
Hit the metal arm with something. There!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Cowardice in a Tense Moment
Dr. Phil
NEVER! Who's the coward NOW, Mama?
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A Grim Realization of Consequences
Jigsaw
We are so fucked.
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Unexpected Confession from Dr. Phil Character
Dr. Phil
I just tell people to "get real." I'm not even a doctor... I'm an electrician. I failed you, Shaq. I failed you.
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Alien Attack Alert to the President
Secret Service Agent
Mr. President, we've just received word the planet is under attack by aliens.
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Discontent with Work and Daily Routine
Tom
Gee, I wonder why I spend every waking moment of my life operating a crane... God, I hate my job.
[starts playing with a crane machine]
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A Warning to the Kids About Tri-pods
Tom
Run away, kids! Run TOWARDS the Tri-pods if you have to!
[After finding Michael Jackson with a group of children]
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Soy Sauce and Tripods in Conversation
Oliver
We gotta find a way to take out these tripods. I heard that the Japs took out a few of em over in Kikkoman.
Tom Ryan
Kikkoman. That's...that's a soy sauce.
Oliver
Right, yeah. Low sodium.
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Countdown to the Final Moment
Dr. Phil
30 seconds left!
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Embracing Success Amidst Danger
Dr. Phil
Shaquille. I'm not angry at you, cause we ARE one minute away from Death. Just shut the "No" voice. Own your success.
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Dr. Phil's Confusion in Scary Movie 4
Dr. Phil
What the hell was that for?!
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Rejecting unacceptable situations with determination
Brenda
This is some shit, up with which we will not put.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebration Amidst Uncertainty
Dr. Phil
I did it! We're saved! What's wrong?!
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Emotional Frustration and Self-Doubt Expressed
Dr. Phil
Your FEELINGS?! To hell with your feelings! Everybody with their feelings! "I'm obese, my kid's a brat, help me, help me! JUST SHUT UP!!! (cries) Why can't I fix anyone of them?! I'm so dumb and worthless! Mama was right, Mama was right! (sobs)
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Brenda Reflects on Sealing the Deal
Brenda
What?! We at peace now, I was just sealin the deal!
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A Father's Love for His Children and Car
Tom
All I've got is my kids, and my car. They mean the world to me.
[slams Rachel's head in car door.]
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Unexpected Employee Introduction After an Accident
Cindy Campbell
Oh, my God!
Mr. Koji
Don't mind her. She slip and fall. You my new best employee! Ready start today?
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Humorous Comparison of Belgians and Dog Waste
President Harris
What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good!
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Concerns About a New Relationship
Brenda
Is something wrong?
Cindy Campbell
No, it's just... I met this guy, and I wonder if he's safe. Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.
Brenda
What's his name? I might've already loved him.
Cindy Campbell
Tom Ryan.
Brenda
Yeah, did him. Big, fat Chinese guy?
Cindy Campbell
No...no.
Cindy Campbell
(relieved) But he is the kind of guy I'd like to share the rest of my life with.
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Urgent Call for Help in Crisis
Jigsaw
(Cindy is going to cut her own eye) Zoltar, get in here! This one's gonna do it!
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Brenda's Chaotic Nightmare Vision
Brenda
(having a nightmare) Lil Kim- Lil Kim got my sandwich. Look out- Russell Crowe's got a phone! R. Kelly, don't pee on me! MY LOVELY LADY LUMPS! Where are we?!
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Miscommunication Leads to Frustration in Crisis
Tom
Get in the car, Marvin, or you're gonna die!
Marvin
Okay...(reaches for handle but the door is locked. looks at Tom)
Tom
Well, wait while I...(tries to unlock door but Marvin pulls handle at the same time. This happens a few times.) Don't do that.
Tom
Okay, on the count of three. One! Two! Three! (Tom unlocks door but again Marvin pulls handle) Why would you do that? Why would you go at the same time I do? That's what all this is about!!
Marvin
Hey, you said go on three.
Tom
What the fuck?
Marvin
Wait, your three, or my three?
Tom
There's only one three! You go on four!
Marvin
So, now I gotta go on four? You're makin the black man wait for you?!
Tom
Just go on four! One...
Marvin
No. No one. I'm out. I'll take the next one, that okay with you. (backs away)
Tom
Sheesh...attitude. (puts car in drive and leaves)
Marvin
For real...I'd rather be dead. (gets zapped by Tri-pod.)
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Cutting Through Our Feet Explained
Dr. Phil
Of course. He wants us to cut through our feet!
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Cutting Through Chains or Feet?
Shaq
(After throwing the rock into the basketball) Boo-yah!
Dr. Phil
Yes! (He and Shaq use their saws together) 30 seconds left!
Shaq
AAAAAAARGH! (to Dr. Phil) He doesn't want us to cut through our chains, but this will never work.
Dr. Phil
Of course. He wants us to cut through our feet.
Shaq
You go first.
Dr. Phil
Bullshit!
Shaq
Yeah. You're probably not man enough. I guess your mama was right...
Dr. Phil
(looks up) NEVER!!!!! Who's the coward NOW, Mama?! (Saws through his foot)
Shaq
Candy from a baby.
Dr. Phil
I've done it! We're saved! (holds up foot)
Shaq
Oh, my God! (points)
Dr. Phil
What's wrong?!
Shaq
Wrong foot!
Dr. Phil
(looks down) Motherfu.... (hits floor with a thud.)
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Unexpected Turn in a Show on Teens
Dr. Phil
I don't know! I was doing a show on teens with abandonment issues and then suddenly, I blacked out and woke up here! Man, those kids are gonna be pissed!
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Jigsaw's Apology for Mass Destruction
Jigsaw
I'm sorry for killing millions of people. Whatever!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.