31 quotes
Unexpected Communication Breakthrough
Wally
Shazaam! Can you hear me?
[''yelling in Dave's ear'']
Dave
Wally! I heard you! I heard your voice!
Wally
Hooray! You can hear me!
Dave
What?
Wally
You can hear me!
Dave
No, schmuck. I'm deaf! I'm deaf! Now do you get it?
[''shouts'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Threats and Defiance
Dave
Wally! He could put a hole through your *head*, Wally!
Wally
*Fuck* him and his holes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Backing Up After an Unexpected Incident
Dave Lyons
We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow. I think we better back up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Blind Man's Accurate Guess
Dave
How many fingers am I holding up in front of your eyes right now?
Wally
Three!
Dave
That's good. That's pretty good, considering that he's blind.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Captain Braddock Faces Pressure from Commissioner
Captain Braddock
What's the story here, Gatlin? I got the commissioner crawling up my ass!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Friends Leads to Tension
Adele
I think David got a little messed up.
Dave
What did she say?
Wally
She said she thinks you're an asshole!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Witty Exchange Between Two Characters
Wally
So, you're the fat fuck who's running this show!
Sutherland
Beautifully put, Mr. Karue. You're obviously a poet, a man after my own heart.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Threats in Unusual Circumstances
Dave Lyons
Today, I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection. That doesn't happen every day.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Sarcastic Response to Arrogance
Dave Lyons
Well excusez-moi, monsieur hot shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Visa Issues and Credit Card Humor
Hotel Clerk
Dr. Kesselring, we thought you wouldn't make it, did you have trouble with your visa?
Dave
Yes, and then suddenly they excepted American Express.
Wally
Yes, don't go home without it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Freedom Through Unfiltered Expression
Dave
Fucking-A. Something bothers you, fuck it. Your wife leaves you, fuck her. Your boss fires you, fuck him. Fucking-A. Fucking them. Right?
Wally
You're fucking right!
Dave
It's a gift to be able to do that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Responses in Conversation
Dave
Tell me the first thing that pops in your head.
Wally
Pussy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Prison Experience
Wally Karew
I hear prison isn't so bad if you like it up your butt.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in the Face of Seriousness
Reporter
Do you really think you can stop Khomeini?
Dave
Not if it's funny.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Blind Man, A Deaf Man, A Killer
Taglines
One's blind. The other's deaf. The girl's a killer. And they're in it over their heads.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sidewalk Driving Observations
Wally
These streets are bumpy.
Dave
You're driving on the sidewalk!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Blind and Deaf: Accused of Murder
Taglines
MURDER! The blind guy couldn't see it. The deaf guy couldn't hear it. Now they're both wanted for it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections in Marriage
Dave
And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broomstick and take off. She could actually achieve flight.
Wally
I think I was married to that woman once.
Dave
Small world.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between Ship and Shit
Dave Lyons
Did she say ship, or shit?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration in Law Enforcement Dynamics
Captain Braddock
32 years on the force, a wife and three kids and a blind guy and a deaf guy are making me look like a real asshole.
Gatlin
You got that right.
Captain Braddock
What?
Gatlin
Charlie over.
[''talking into radio'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Swearing
Dave
You swear an awful lot.
Wally
You're fucking-A right!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Badge Verification Between Characters
Cabbie
Let me see a badge!
Kirgo
This is my badge!
[''holds up gun'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question of Identity and Seriousness
Captain Braddock
Okay, no more bullshit. Was there or wasn't there a woman?
[''to Dave, talking fast'']
Dave
Are you serious?
Captain Braddock
Yes, I'm goddamn serious.
Dave
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?
Captain Braddock
What the hell is he talking about?
Wally
He reads lips. You're talking too fast.
Captain Braddock
Was there... a wom-an... pres-ent?
[''to Dave, talking slowly'']
Dave
Yes. There was... a wom-an... pres-ent.
[''to Captain Braddock, talking slowly'']
Captain Braddock
Why is he talking like that?
[''to Wally'']
Wally
Because he's deaf... not stu-pid.
[''to Captain Braddock, talking slowly'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
First Drop Dead Comedy of the Year
Taglines
The first drop dead comedy of the year.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Identity and Deception
Adele
Why do you feel you have to pass for someone with 20/20 vision when you're blind as a bat?
Wally
I don't feel. I have to pass.
Adele
Yes, you do. It's a sickness in your brain, just like if you were trying to pass for white.
Wally
You mean I'm not white?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Last Requests and Unfulfilled Desires
Eve
Any last requests, Mr. Karue?
Wally
I suppose a fuck is out of the question.
Eve
I'm afraid so.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trust and Friendship on the Journey
Wally
Where are we?
Dave
Probably on our way to New Jersey by now.
Wally
No kidding! I got family in there! Do you want to come with me?
Dave
Of course. You've earned my trust, Wally. You've been a very good friend to me these past couple days. You're always there for me. You never get me into trouble. Sometimes it seems a bit boring but that's a small price to pay for such a wonderful friendship.
Wally
That's beautiful, Dave. Do you mean everything you just said?
Dave
I'll tell you how I really feel in about a minute or two. Right now, I'm a little overwhelmed by the STINK of the seven tons of garbage that you drove us into!
Wally
Is THAT what it is? I thought you let one go! That's why I didn't say anything!
Dave
That's very kind of you! Thank you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Dave and the Police Officer
Dave
Stop right there or I'll throw this knife through your head! I mean it! I throw your brains out!
[''to Raoul'']
Cop with Bullhorn
Freeze!
[''to Raoul'']
Dave
That's more like it! Now put your hand up!
[''to Raoul'']
Cop with Bullhorn
Put your hands in the air!
[''to Raoul'']
Dave
Oh, so you do speak English!
[''to Raoul'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Responses in Conversation
Dr. Cornfeld
WHO are you, sir?
Dave
Fine, thank you!
[''misreading Cornfeld's lips'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Racial Identity and Perception
Wally Karew
You mean I'm not white?!?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication Challenges Between Friends
Dave
Who are you talking to?
Wally
I'm talking to you, you prick.
Dave
Why don't you look me in the eye and say that?
Wally
I would if I could but I can't, I'm blind.
Dave
You're blind?
Wally
Yes, I'm blind. What are you, fucking deaf?
Dave
YES! I'M FUCKING DEAF!
Wally
You're really deaf?
Dave
I'm really deaf.
Wally
Then how do you know what I'm saying?
Dave
Because I'm reading your lips. Now you want the job or not?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.