30 quotes
Announcement of the President's Presence
Ralph Hapschatt
Ladies and gentlemen... the president.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Alimony Defined in Controversial Terms
Betty Hapschatt
Alimony is just another word for rape.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Janet's Fame and Recognition
Ralph Hapschatt
And here she is! Denton's own, America's pride, Janet, the sensation of the planet.
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Understanding Love and Emotional Expectations
Janet Majors
If that's not enough, then I'm/So sorry I met you, it was almost like leading you on/But there's more to it all/Than just ringing your heart out over something/That keeps on going wrong/So don't tell me you love me/How am I supposed to know what that means?/No, don't sell emotion/You can't buy devotion if you're falling apart at the seams...
[singing]
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Questioning Love and Affection
Betty Hapschatt
Who loves YOU, baby?
[to Macy Struthers]
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Cleaning House with Determination
Farley Flavors
Now, you see the way we got rid of that dirty little dish is the same way we're going to put the rest of our house in order! Including... the upstairs!
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Introducing a Beloved Character on Stage
Ralph Hapschatt
Well, Janet's absolutely speechless, Ladies and Gentlemen. But that's all right. Because we don't need her to talk...But here's someone we do want to hear from...a firm favorite of yours and mine. You've revelled in his recipes. You've marvelled at his marriage guidance. Yes, the all-knowing, and now all-seeing... Bert Schnick!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Weakness and Blindness in Relationships
Betty Hapschatt
Macy Struthers with my husband. God, I must have been blind! Still, the weaker the man, the dumber the blonde.
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Betty Hapschatt's Defiant Remark
Betty Hapschatt
Oh, Ralph? ... Shove it!
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Questioning Emotive Presentation Techniques
Betty Hapschatt
I detect a note of reticence. Are you perhaps one of those amongst us who feel that emotive forms of presentations are overly manipulative?
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The Nature of Friendship and Isolation
Janet Majors
Do you have any friends? ... You won't have soon.
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Ralph Hapschatt Motivates the Crew to Perform
Ralph Hapschatt
Yeah! Well, I just got word Farley's expecting her any minute. You Guys!! Get yer asses in front of those cameras, warm up that crowd and earn yourselves a reputation. Okay? Move!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition of Character Actors
Betty Hapschatt
Oh my God, character actors!
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Consequences of Losing Control
Farley Flavors
You lost your baby when you lost your balls/You lost your mind when you lost your grip, so say bye-bye!
[singing]
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Loss and Compassion in Relationships
Brad Majors
We lost our home/Our family/You lost compassion, now you're losin me...
[singing]
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Admiration for Coleridge Taylor's Work
Betty Hapschatt
Oh, I adore Coleridge Taylor. As a matter of fact... "It is an ancient Mariner, and he stoppeth one of three. By thy long gray beard and glittering eye, now wherefore stop'st thou me?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kitchen Appliances and Emotional Struggles
Brad Majors
Dear blender/Now, won't you help a first offender?/Oh, toaster/Don't you put the burn on me/Refrigerator/Why are we always sooner or later/Bitchin in the kitchen or cryin in the bedroom all night?
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Janet's Declaration of Self-Confidence
Janet Majors
Hi, Brad, I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Routine Checkup Statement
Janet Majors
Oh, no, just a routine checkup.
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The Beginning of Janet's Next Move
Ralph Hapschatt
No! I don't know what Janet's next move will be...but you can be sure of one thing...it all starts here!
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A Dark Perspective on Life from Farley Flavors
Farley Flavors
Well, the best thing you could ever do is die!
[singing]
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Time Management Advice from Farley Flavors
Farley Flavors
Time's tight, Janet. Do it right, Janet. Until tomorrow night, Janet?
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Desire for Coffee Expressed by Betty
Betty Hapschatt
Coffee, Kirk. I'm dying for it.
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Celebrating Bert Schnik's Dancing Abilities
Betty Hapschatt
Look at that, Bert Schnik's dancing! Bert can see!
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The Process of Transformation and Desire
Janet Majors
Well...! First you go rip, rip, rip/Then you go snip, snip, snip/Then you whip in a zip, zip, zip/And split it up to the hip, hip, hip/And as you strip, strip, strip/You quiver and shiver for that soft caress/As you slip, slip, slip/Into that little black dress.
[singing]
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Aiming High in Life's Challenges
Farley Flavors
I'm gonna shoot for the moon/I'm gonna play high noon/I'm gonna take on the entire human race/You're not looking at a king/You're looking at an ace!
[singing]
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Ralph's Willingness to Help Janet
Ralph Hapschatt
I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favors.
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Claiming Sanity Amidst Chaos
Brad Majors
I'm as sane as you are! Saner!
[To Farley]
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Beginning of a New Career Opportunity
Ralph Hapschatt
This could be the start of a whole new career here.
[singing]
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Desire for Renewal and Youthfulness
Janet Majors
I need some young blood, I need some young blood. I need it now!
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.