20 quotes
Strict Lifestyle Guidelines for a New Life
Taglines
No Sex. No Booze. No Men. No Way.
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Visibility of a Conspicuous Individual
Reverend Mother
That is not a person you can hide, that is a conspicuous person designed to stick out.
[about Deloris]
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Apostles and a Quirky Response
Nun
Who can name all the apostles?
Nun
Yes, Deloris?
Deloris
John, Paul, George, and... Ringo!
Nun
Deloris Wilson, you are the most unruly, disobedient girl in this school. Now, I want you to march right up to that blackboard and write the names of all the apostles alphabetically.
Nun
This is enough! You are hopeless, and I wash my hands of you. Mark my words, Deloris, if you continue on this disruptive track, it will lead straight to the devil! Have you any idea what girls like you become?
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Vows of Hospitality and Honesty
Monsignor
You took a vow of hospitality for all in need.
Reverend Mother
I lied.
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A Name and a Promise of Safety
Eddie
Can I call you Deloris?
Deloris
You can call me anything you want as long as you keep me alive.
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A Prayer for Forgiveness and Understanding
Willy
What is she doing?
Joey
Oh my God, she's praying.
Deloris
Lord, I want you to forgive Willy and Joey, because they know not what they do. They're only doin what Vince told em to do, because Vince is too chicken to do it himself! So he's called upon these two men to take care of his business! So I want you to forgive them, Lord. Espectum, espertum, cacoomb, toutu, eplubium. Amen!
Willy and Joey
Amen.
[cross themselves]
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Finding Your Voice Amidst the Noise
Delores
I noticed that you're movin your mouth, but nothin's coming out. So I'd like to just hear you by yourself, if you don't mind. Sister Alma, can you give me an A, please?
[to Sister Mary Robert]
Delores
ALMA! Check your battery! Give me an A, please.
[stomps her foot; Sister Alma reacts]
Delores
Okay. Try this. Close your eyes. Visualize yourself in room full of people, lots of silverware, people dropping stuff, talking loud, drunks, women with trays goin "Whattaya gonna have?!". Your voice has to carry over the din. You have to get up over all of that to be heard in the back of the room where I'm sitting, listening, straining to hear you. Okay? Keep that in your mind when we do this.
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Frustration Over Lengthy Interrogation
Vince
How can you let them grill me for 6 hours?!
Larry
Hey, I can't control how long they're gonna question you.
Vince
You went to law school, Larry.
Larry
Yes, I went to law school, Vince.
Vince
Did you graduate?!
Larry
I'm a lawyer. Of course I graduated.
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A Humorous Prayer Before a Meal
Deloris Van Cartier
Bless us, O Lord, for these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive...and...yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food...I will fear no hunger. We want you to...give us this day our daily bread, and to the republic for which it stands. By the power invested in me I now pronounce us ready to eat. Amen.
[says grace]
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Search for Mary Clarence in Disguise
Reverend Mother
Brace yourself, sisters. Spread out and look for Mary Clarence. Try to blend in.
[in a casino, to a group of nuns all dressed in full habit]
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A Wake-Up Call from Reverend Mother
Reverend Mother
From what I hear, your singing career is almost non-existent and your married lover wants you dead. If you're fooling anybody, it is only yourself. God has brought you here - take the hint.
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Questioning Backgrounds and Intentions in Music
Sister Mary Robert
Reverend Mother says Mary Clarence's background is in music.
Sister Mary Patrick
Really, Mary Clarence. Were you a choir mistress?
Deloris
Sort of freelance.
Sister Mary Lazarus
Freelance? Really? Oh, you don't think I see. You think I took vows yesterday? I know what you're up to. You and Reverend Mother.
Deloris
What?
Sister Mary Lazarus
You're a ringer! She brought you here to replace me! Out with the old.
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Finding Purpose in Unexpected Places
Deloris
What am I gonna do here? I'm gonna go crazy! There's nothing but a lot of white women dressed as nuns! What am I gonna do here?
Eddie
Pray.
Deloris
Pray?
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Embracing a New Identity for Safety
Deloris
Oh, no! No, no, no! I can't do this. I'm sorry. This is fine for covering a little bulge, but now I've got holster hips.
[after putting on the habit]
Reverend Mother
People wish to kill you. Anyone who's met you I imagine. A disguise is necessary to protect us all. While you are here you will conduct yourself as a nun. Only I will know who and what you truly are. You will draw no attention to yourself whatsoever.
Deloris
But look at me! I'm a nun! I'm a-- I'm a penguin!
Reverend Mother
As from now and until you leave you are Sister Mary Clarence.
Deloris
Mary Clarence? Like Clarence Williams III from The Mod Squad?
Reverend Mother
Mary is in deference to our Holy Mother. Clarence is in honor of Saint Clarence of Concordia. There are three vows every nun must accept. The vow of ].
[[w:poverty|Poverty]
Deloris
Mmm-hmm...
Reverend Mother
The vow of ]...
[[w:obedience|Obedience]
Deloris
Mmm-hmm...
Reverend Mother
And the vow of ].
[[w:chastity|Chastity]
Deloris
I am outta here with that.
Deloris
Oh, man!
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Unexpected Conversations in a Church Setting
Eddie
Nice church, huh?
Deloris
Yes, very nice. Look, what am I gonna be? Quasimodo in the belfry? What is this?
Eddie
I want you to stay here for a while.
Deloris
Where?
Eddie
In the convent. It's the safest place in the world. You think Vince is gonna look for you in a convent?
Deloris
Wh... in the what?
Eddie
The convent.
Deloris
You must be out of your... You know what? I'm gonna go back and work this out with Vince. You're a lunatic! I'm not gonna be in no damn convent with these people. These people don't even have sex!
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Work Ethic and Rehearsal in Sister Act
Sister Mary Lazarus
I knew that.
Deloris
Mary Lazarus, as soon as I walked through the door, I knew that you knew this. Now, you're somebody who's into hard work and discipline, aren't you?
Sister Mary Lazarus
Of course. I'm a nun. Four Popes now.
Deloris
4?! Wow! How often do they rehearse?
Sister Mary Lazarus
Twice a week, couple hours.
Deloris
Not enough. I mean, listen to em. They really need a lotta work! They gotta rehearse every day.
Sister Mary Lazarus
She's good. Do you think they could get better?
Deloris
I don't know. They pretty raw.
Sister Mary Lazarus
Wet behind the ears.
Sister Mary Patrick
Oh, please, let us try.
Deloris
This is gonna be hell.
Sister Mary Lazarus
Tell me about it.
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A Simple Blessing from Deloris Van Cartier
Deloris Van Cartier
Bless you!
[last words to Vince, who is arrested]
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Revitalizing Church Through Entertainment Ideas
Reverend Mother
Girl groups?! Boogie-woogie on the piano?! What were you thinking?!
Deloris
I was thinkin more like Vegas. Y'know, get some butts in the seats.
Reverend Mother
And what next? Popcorn? Curtain calls? This is not a theater or a casino.
Deloris
Yeah, but that's the problem. See, people like going to theaters, and they like going to casinos. But they don't like coming to church. Why? Because it's a drag. But we could change all that. See, we could-- We could pack this joint.
Reverend Mother
Through blasphemy?! You have corrupted the entire choir!
Monsignor
Excuse me.
Deloris
How can you say that?! I worked my butt off with these women! They've given up their free time to do this, and they're GOOD! I mean, Sister, we could-- We could ROCK this place!
Reverend Mother
OUT of the question! As of tomorrow, Mary Lazarus resumes her leadership of the choir.
Reverend Mother
COME IN!!
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The Joy of Singing Over Other Pleasures
Sister Mary Robert
I'd rather sing then do anything.
Sister Mary Patrick
It's better then ice cream.
Sister Mary Robert
It's better than springtime.
Deloris
Better than sex. No. No. I've heard.
[the other nuns react]
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Defending Sister Mary Clarence's Identity
Vince
Joey, do it.
[prepares to shoot Deloris]
Joey
I can't, Vince. She's still a nun.
Vince
She's a broad. Y'got it? Just a broad!
Reverend Mother
I guarantee you she is no broad! She is Sister Mary Clarence of St. Katherine's convent. She's a model of generosity, virtue, and love! You have my word for it, gentlemen, she is a nun!
Willy
Ya hear that? Now, aren't you glad we didn't shoot her?
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