30 quotes
Confusion about location in Spaceballs
President Skroob
Where the hell are we, Paris?!?
[When the self-destruct siren is going off]
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Victory of the Unintelligent
Dark Helmet
So, Lone Starr, now you see that ] will always triumph, because ] is dumb.
[[evil; [good]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Danger on a Holiday
Dot Matrix
It's either the 4th of July or someone's trying to kill us!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Initiating Ludicrous Speed Command
Dark Helmet
Ludicrous Speed, Go!
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The Absurdity of a Foolish Combination
Dark Helmet
1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
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Farewell to the Virgin Alarm
Dot Matrix
Well... Goodbye, virgin alarm.
[sniffs]
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Dark Helmet's Regretful Realization
Dark Helmet
What have I done?! My ]s are going into my feet!
[feeling the force of going at Ludicrous Speed; [brain]
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Combination Lock Humor
President Skroob
1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!
[Sandurz and Helmet look at each other in disbelief]
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Dark Helmet Questions Colonel Sandurz's Courage
Dark Helmet
What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz?! Chicken?!!
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Self-awareness and body image concerns
President Skroob
Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?!
[After beaming to the bridge, his head is on backwards]
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Excitement and Urgency in Spaceballs
Dot Matrix
Here I am! I'm sorry! I had to make a pit stop! I'm so excited that I couldn't hold my oil.
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Dot Matrix Addresses Inappropriate Behavior
Dot Matrix
We'll have none of that mister! How far did he get? What'd he touch?
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Dark Helmet's Challenge to Lone Starr
Dark Helmet
There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Starr!
[Mr. Radar has just been "jammed" with raspberry.; pulls down helmet as camera zooms in on his face; camera slams into his face and knocks him out]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unlisted Wall Communication Restrictions
President Skroob
I told you never to call me on this wall! This is an unlisted wall!
[Commanderette Zircon calls him on a video monitor in his bathroom]
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Dark Helmet's Disdain for Yogurt
Dark Helmet
Yogurt! Yogurt! I hate Yogurt! Even with strawberries!
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Frustration with malfunctioning technology
Dark Helmet
Out of order?! Fuck! Even in the ] nothing works!
[about the self-destruct cancellation button being out of order; [future]
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Family Connections Explained Humorously
Dark Helmet
I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
[To Lone Starr]
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Dot Matrix Declares Her Vehicle's Brand
Dot Matrix
Not in here, Mister. This is a Mercedes!
[After Barf, introduces himself, opening the emergency exit of the wedding car]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Over Twisted Schwartz
Dark Helmet
Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted!
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Operation "Vacu-Suck" Initiated
Dark Helmet
Commence operation "Vacu-Suck"!
[pause]
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President Skroob's Distrust of Deceptive Displays
President Skroob
Never have that damn thing down in front of me! How do I know that you're not making faces at me under that thing?
[to Dark Helmet]
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Humorous Observation on Vision and Reading
Opening credits
: If you can read this, you don't need glasses.
[in tiny print]
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Dark Helmet Asserts Control Over Princess Vespa
Dark Helmet
Now we'll show her who is in charge of this ]. Hold it...I'll handle this personally. So Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball. Well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner and you will be held captive until such time as all the air is transferred from your ]...to ours. She's not in there!
[[galaxy; A soldier volunteers, but Helmet stops him; Soldier: Jawohl, Lord Helmet!; [planet; pauses, looking at the camera, then opens door, but finds nothing, then lifts helmet]
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Humorous Take on Virginity and Alarms
Dot Matrix
That was my virgin alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do.
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Humorous Comment on a Character's Appeal
Dark Helmet
I bet she gives great helmet.
[ogling Dr. Philip Schlotckens' nurse]
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Challenge of the Schwartz
Dark Helmet
You have the ring. And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you handle it.
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Dark Helmet's Frustration with a Rival
Dark Helmet
Come back, you fat bearded bitch!
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The Ship's Size and Its Consequences
President Skroob
The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
[Winded after running down the bridge]
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Surrounded by Assholes in Spaceballs
Dark Helmet
How many Assholes have we got on this ship, anyhow? Yo!] I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes! Keep firing, Assholes!
['''Everyone On-Board:''' [raises hands; except one; lowers helmet]
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Dark Helmet's Farewell to Companions
Dark Helmet
Say goodbye to your two best ], and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
[[friends]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.