Stir Crazy (1980) - Quotes

Blade: He'll snot on ya, he'll fart on ya... He'll do anything he can to smash your brains out.

Skip Donahue: I want a bigger cell! With better ventilation!

Deputy Ward Wilson: Why? Grossberger been farin on ya?

Harry: Do you mind? What'd you kill your stepfather for, anyway?

Rory: Criticizing my new fur jacket... And... Slapping my hand.

Rory: That's Blade. He runs the third world side of Cell Block 2. My dear, till Grossberger came along he held the axe murder record in the south-west! He's the one I'm gonna get you the cheeseburger from. How do you like it, medium?

Harry Monroe: Oh no, I don't want no cheeseburger, I'm trying to, er, keep my weight down.

Rory: Don't worry about him, I'll protect you. I'll protect you!

Harry Monroe: I'm getting a little podge.

Rory: For some reason, I make him uneasy!

Harry Monroe: [waves at Blade; calls after Skip; then, to Rory] I wonder why. Hi. I'm going! Skip, my friend. Excuse me, would you?

Rory: I'll come with you.

Harry Monroe: Awwwww... shit!

Harry Monroe: [whimpering] Pillow... I want my pillow.

Big Mean: What's the charge?

Harry Monroe: Innocent.

Big Mean: Ain't we all?

Harry Monroe: Bank robbery?

Big Mean: Oh, shit.

Harry Monroe: Ooooh, shit!

Big Mean: You can kiss the baby.

Harry Monroe: Kiss the baby?

Skip Donahue: [to Big Mean] What baby is that, sir?

Big Mean: Ask your lawyer.

Harry Monroe: 125 years... Oh God, Oh God... I'll be 161 when I get out.

Skip Donahue: What are you doing?

Harry Monroe: I'm gettin bad. You better get bad, Jack. Cause if you ain't bad, you're gonna get fucked.

Blade: Now every bull has a secret word that makes him crazy, and sends him into his craziest ride, your job is to figure out that word.

Harry Monroe: [whistles and makes kissing noises; makes clicking sound with tongue; Bull bellows and charges at Harry; running away from bull] Bull... uh... let's see. Uh... Rumpelstiltskin. Uh... Malt liquor... Come on, bull. Come on, bull. Uh... woof, woof! Uh... Hey, sexy... Hee-hee... shit! Oh, you motherfucker!

Blade: Congratulations, you found the word!

Harry: Geez, what's wrong with him?

Young Man in Hospital: Oh, that's Johnson. He's on a hunger strike so they are force-feeding him to keep him alive.

Harry: At least there's some humanity here.

Young Man in Hospital: They're going to electrocute him next week.

Warden Walter Beatty: You're gonna represent Glenboro prision in the annual Top Hand-competition. Congratulations!

Skip Donahue: Oh! Oh my god! Warden! I can't do that!

Warden Walter Beatty: What in the hell are you talking about...?

Skip Donahue: Well, I should have told you in your office! My mother was a veterinarian! I can't have anything to do with the exploatation of animals, she'd turn over in her grave!

Warden Walter Beatty: I don't believe you heard me correctly. This is very important to me!

Skip Donahue: [looks up; looks at the warden; looks up at the sky again, and walks off] Important to you? My mother is watching over every step I make! Do you know that my soul is on the line here...? So let's just drop... What? I said no. Whoa, I told him no! Ma, are you crazy? I have witnesses... All right, we'll talk about it in my cell! Uhm... I have to go to the bathroom. Would you excuse me, warden?

Skip Donahue: We tried to teach him Charades! He didn't get it! He just didn't get it!

Blade: The rodeo clown is the most DANGEROUS job, cause he gets CLOSEST to the BULL. He gets the BEST of the BULL! HOOK to the left! HOOK to the right! And if the bull rider's in trouble, he's gotta protect him, even if it means gettin his ribs pulled out, or bein freight-trained...

Harry Monroe: Freight-trained?

Blade: Run over, just like a freight train, only with a bull, it's worse, cause a freight train don't BACK UP and FINISH the JOB. Later on, I'll show you how to lie out on the stretcher when the ambulance comes.

Harry Monroe: Yes, I'm a short son of a bitch, my daddy was a short son of a bitch, my mother was shorter than him, and my brother, my brother was so short we couldn't even see him.

Harry Monroe: Yeah, that's right! That's right! We bad!

Rory: That's grossberger. The biggest mass murderer in the history of the southwest? My dear, he killed his entire family and all of his relatives in one weekend and then he killed some more people that reminded him of his family!

Skip Donahue: This filthy, roach-ridden reality is inspiring... What did that second policeman say to you when he grabbed you by the throat?

Harry Monroe: Man, I don't fucking believe you!

Skip Donahue: Man, I don't fucking believe you!" Fabulous!

Harry Monroe: [[The Count of Monte Cristo] You don't get it, do you, Skip? You think this is ] or something. We're in deep trouble. This is the real deal. We're in deep shit.