17 quotes
Questioning Innocence in a Tough Situation
Big Mean
What's the charge?
Harry Monroe
Innocent.
Big Mean
Ain't we all?
Harry Monroe
Bank robbery?
Big Mean
Oh, shit.
Harry Monroe
Ooooh, shit!
Big Mean
You can kiss the baby.
Harry Monroe
Kiss the baby?
Skip Donahue
What baby is that, sir?
[to Big Mean]
Big Mean
Ask your lawyer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication in a Game of Charades
Skip Donahue
We tried to teach him Charades! He didn't get it! He just didn't get it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cell Upgrade Request in Stir Crazy
Skip Donahue
I want a bigger cell! With better ventilation!
Deputy Ward Wilson
Why? Grossberger been farin on ya?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humanity Amidst Desperation and Consequences
Harry
Geez, what's wrong with him?
Young Man in Hospital
Oh, that's Johnson. He's on a hunger strike so they are force-feeding him to keep him alive.
Harry
At least there's some humanity here.
Young Man in Hospital
They're going to electrocute him next week.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Height in Family
Harry Monroe
Yes, I'm a short son of a bitch, my daddy was a short son of a bitch, my mother was shorter than him, and my brother, my brother was so short we couldn't even see him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Comfort in Uncomfortable Situations
Harry Monroe
Pillow... I want my pillow.
[whimpering]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing Harsh Realities in Troubling Times
Skip Donahue
This filthy, roach-ridden reality is inspiring... What did that second policeman say to you when he grabbed you by the throat?
Harry Monroe
Man, I don't fucking believe you!
Skip Donahue
Man, I don't fucking believe you!" Fabulous!
Harry Monroe
You don't get it, do you, Skip? You think this is ] or something. We're in deep trouble. This is the real deal. We're in deep shit.
[[The Count of Monte Cristo]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for Trouble in Uncertain Times
Skip Donahue
What are you doing?
Harry Monroe
I'm gettin bad. You better get bad, Jack. Cause if you ain't bad, you're gonna get fucked.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Threats in a Comedic Context
Blade
He'll snot on ya, he'll fart on ya... He'll do anything he can to smash your brains out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dangers of Being a Rodeo Clown
Blade
The rodeo clown is the most DANGEROUS job, cause he gets CLOSEST to the BULL. He gets the BEST of the BULL! HOOK to the left! HOOK to the right! And if the bull rider's in trouble, he's gotta protect him, even if it means gettin his ribs pulled out, or bein freight-trained...
Harry Monroe
Freight-trained?
Blade
Run over, just like a freight train, only with a bull, it's worse, cause a freight train don't BACK UP and FINISH the JOB. Later on, I'll show you how to lie out on the stretcher when the ambulance comes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing a Bold Attitude
Harry Monroe
Yeah, that's right! That's right! We bad!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Finding the Secret Word
Blade
Now every bull has a secret word that makes him crazy, and sends him into his craziest ride, your job is to figure out that word.
Harry Monroe
Bull... uh... let's see. Uh... Rumpelstiltskin. Uh... Malt liquor... Come on, bull. Come on, bull. Uh... woof, woof! Uh... Hey, sexy... Hee-hee... shit! Oh, you motherfucker!
[whistles and makes kissing noises; makes clicking sound with tongue; Bull bellows and charges at Harry; running away from bull]
Blade
Congratulations, you found the word!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Cheeseburgers and Weight
Rory
That's Blade. He runs the third world side of Cell Block 2. My dear, till Grossberger came along he held the axe murder record in the south-west! He's the one I'm gonna get you the cheeseburger from. How do you like it, medium?
Harry Monroe
Oh no, I don't want no cheeseburger, I'm trying to, er, keep my weight down.
Rory
Don't worry about him, I'll protect you. I'll protect you!
Harry Monroe
I'm getting a little podge.
Rory
For some reason, I make him uneasy!
Harry Monroe
I wonder why. Hi. I'm going! Skip, my friend. Excuse me, would you?
[waves at Blade; calls after Skip; then, to Rory]
Rory
I'll come with you.
Harry Monroe
Awwwww... shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Infamous Crimes of Grossberger
Rory
That's grossberger. The biggest mass murderer in the history of the southwest? My dear, he killed his entire family and all of his relatives in one weekend and then he killed some more people that reminded him of his family!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Competition Invitation and Personal Conflict
Warden Walter Beatty
You're gonna represent Glenboro prision in the annual Top Hand-competition. Congratulations!
Skip Donahue
Oh! Oh my god! Warden! I can't do that!
Warden Walter Beatty
What in the hell are you talking about...?
Skip Donahue
Well, I should have told you in your office! My mother was a veterinarian! I can't have anything to do with the exploatation of animals, she'd turn over in her grave!
Warden Walter Beatty
I don't believe you heard me correctly. This is very important to me!
Skip Donahue
Important to you? My mother is watching over every step I make! Do you know that my soul is on the line here...? So let's just drop... What? I said no. Whoa, I told him no! Ma, are you crazy? I have witnesses... All right, we'll talk about it in my cell! Uhm... I have to go to the bathroom. Would you excuse me, warden?
[looks up; looks at the warden; looks up at the sky again, and walks off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Criticism and Frustration
Harry
Do you mind? What'd you kill your stepfather for, anyway?
Rory
Criticizing my new fur jacket... And... Slapping my hand.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing a Long Prison Sentence
Harry Monroe
125 years... Oh God, Oh God... I'll be 161 when I get out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.