Stripes Quotes

Dewey Oxberger Boy, I hope this is the mess hall. How’s it goin’ ]?

Sgt. Hulka Okay, Mr. Push-ups, let's hear your story.

Winger Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual. But now I know why I have always lost women to guys like you. I mean, it's not just the uniform. It's the stories that you tell. So much fun and imagination. Lee Harvey, you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with you, cowboy. But the two of us together? Forget it! I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I'm gonna volunteer my leadership to this platoon. An army without leaders is like a foot without a big toe. And Sergeant Hulka isn't always gonna be there to be that big toe for us. I think that we owe a big round of applause to our newest, bestest buddy, and big toe... Sergeant Hulka.

Sgt. Hulka Well, okay, hotshot. We're gonna see what kind of soldier you are. Reveille is O five hundred. We're going to fall out with locker boxes and we're going to have a locker box inspection. And then we're going to do ten miles. Rain or shine! So, you better hit them bunks my little babies. Or, Sgt Hulka with the big toe is going to see how far he can stick it up your ass!

John Winger Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! The hell's the matter with you?! Stupid! We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts! Here's proof: his nose is cold! But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw ]? Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end? Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I'm sure. I cried my eyes out. So we're all dogfaces. We're all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army. We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us! We're soldiers, but we're American soldiers! We've been kickin ass for 200 years! We're 10 and 1! Now we don't have to worry about whether or not we practiced. We don't have to worry about whether Captain Stillman wants to have us hung. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting soldier that is inside each one of us. Now do what I do, and say what I say. And make me proud. Fall in!

Sgt. Hulka Out of them bunks! We got a full day ahead of us. We're gonna start out with a five-mile run.

Winger I know that I'm speaking for the entire platoon when I say this run should be postponed until this platoon is better rested.

Sgt. Hulka Well, I'll tell you what, soldier. Let's make it ten miles. Anymore complaints!?

Oxberger Thanks a lot Winger!

Soldier Nice goin’, asshole.

Russell Making friends fast around here John.

Psycho The name's Francis Soyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you.

Leon Ooooooh.

Psycho You just made the list, buddy. And I don't like nobody touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you.

Sgt. Hulka Lighten up, Francis. One of these men may save your life one day, ya understand that?

Winger Then again, maybe one of us won’t.

Sgt. Hulka You know something, soldier, I've noticed that you're always last.

Winger I'm pacing myself, Sergeant.

Sgt. Hulka MOVE IT!!

Russell Ziskey I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into real heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.

Winger C'mon, it's ]. We zip in, we pick em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like we're going into Wisconsin.

Russell Well, I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it.

Russell Do the words "Act of War" mean anything to you?

Winger I have a plan.

Russell Great! ] had a plan.

Russell Where do you think you're going? Are you going AWOL? Are you going AWOL?

Winger No, I'm deserting.

Russell You idiot! You desert now, it's a federal offense!

Winger I'll take my chances with the feds!

Russell You're not going anywhere! You listen to me! You're gonna finish basic training! You're gonna keep your mouth shut, and you're gonna do everything he tells you! You know why?

Winger Why?

Russell Because you talked me into this, you idiot! It was your idea!

Winger I didn't talk you into this. You NEEDED this.

Russell I'm gonna kill you, damn you! Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, Goddamnit!

Capt. Stillman Well, explain yourselves.

Oxberger Well sir, we were going to this bingo parlor at the YMCA, well one thing led to another, and the instructions got all fouled up there and we ended up...

Capt. Stillman Shut up.

Oxberger Okay, Sir.

Capt. Stillman You men are a disgrace. Maybe a few days in the stockade will help you change your rotten attitudes.

Cruiser But, um, we're supposed to graduate tomorrow, sir.

Capt. Stillman That's even better. Tomorrow, you'll be on parade in front of General Barnicke. And when he sees what total fuck-ups you are, I will recommend that your whole platoon repeat the entire course of basic training.

Sgt. Hulka Men, welcome to the United States Army. I'm Sergeant Hulka. I'm your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It's just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one and the same.

Winger Uncle Hulka?

Sgt. Hulka When I tell you to move, you'll move fast. When I tell you to jump, you're gonna say, "How high?" And make no mistake. I don't care where you come from, I don't care what color you are, I don't care how smart you are, I don't care how dumb you are, cause I'm gonna teach every last one of you how to eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, shit like a United States soldier. Understand!?

Cruiser Yes, sir?

Sgt. Hulka I didn't hear you.

Soldiers Yes, sir.

Sgt. Hulka You don't say sir to me, I'm a Sergeant, I work for a living!

Soldiers Yes, Sergeant.

Sgt. Hulka I didn't hear you!

Soldiers YES, SERGEANT!!

Sgt. Hulka Now that's what I wanna hear!

Winger Think this guy's over doing it a bit?

Sgt. Hulka We got a problem, boy?

Winger No problem, Sergeant

Sgt. Hulka On your feet, boy.

Sgt. Hulka What's your problem, boy?

Winger I was just making a joke, Sergeant.

Sgt. Hulka Well why don't you tell me your joke, son?

Winger I don't think you'd think it's funny, Sergeant.

Sgt. Hulka How do you know? I got a hell of a sense of humor. Ain't I, Corporal Briggs?

Cpl. Briggs Yes, Sergeant!

Sgt. Hulka Corporal Briggs, we have a comedian in our midst. Will you take this comedian outside and watch him do fifty push-ups?

Cpl. Briggs Get your goat-smelling ass outta here!!

Sgt. Hulka MOVE IT! HUT! HO! HUT! Anybody else gonna be a comedian in here!?

Soldiers No, Sergeant!

Sgt. Hulka I didn't hear you!!

Soldiers NO, SERGEANT!!

Sgt. Hulka I'm talking about something important, like discipline and duty and honor and courage. And you ain't got none of it!

Winger Those words mean so much to a man who scrubs garbage cans. Look, if you don't want me in your Army, kick me out, but get off my back.

Sgt. Hulka Maybe you'd like to take a swing at me.

Winger I d like to take a big swing at you, sarge.

Sgt. Hulka Well, go ahead and give it your best shot.

Winger I don't think I want to go to the stockade.

Sgt. Hulka I'll take my hat off. There we are, Winger. Ain't no more drill sergeant. It's just you and me, kid, man to man. So go ahead, give it your best shot. Swing at me. Gutless. Punk.

Sgt. Hulka I'm willing to forget this little incident. And I want you to think real hard about it. And maybe someday you'll understand what the hell I'm talking about.

Oxberger My name's Dewey Oxberger. My friends call me Ox. You might have noticed that, uh, I've got a slight weight problem.

Soldiers Nooo! Noooo!

Oxberger Yeah, yeah I do. Yeah, I do. I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression... along with a lot of pizzas! Ha Ha Ha! Pizzas! I'm basically a shy person, I'm a shy guy. Uh, he suggested taking one these uh, aggression training courses. You know these aggression training courses like EST, those type of things. Anyway, it cost 400 bucks! 400 bucks to join this thing? Well I didn't have the money and I thought to myself, "Join the army"! It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds. And you got what, a 6 to 8 week training program here? A real tough one. Which is perfect for me. I'm going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin Machine! Ha ha ha ha!

Sgt. Hulka Move it! Do it! Why, boy. We got women can climb that thing better than you! Get up! Get on your feet!

Winger He said he couldn't make it, why don’t you do it?

Sgt. Hulka Take one step back, Winger. Move it!

Capt. Stillman Alright, soldier. Let’s see how you fire that mortar.

Mortar Soldier What co-ordinates, sir?

Capt. Stillman Co-ordinates?

Mortar Soldier Yes, sir, they determine where the mortar’s going to-

Capt. Stillman Ah, soldier, the army has spent a lot of money teaching you how to the fire that thing. Now, set it, then, fire it.

Mortar Soldier Sir, we don’t know where the shell’s going to-

Capt. Stillman Soldier! The only way to learn anything is to do it! Now fire the weapon.

Sgt. Hulka Alright. Any of ya suck-holes wanna come up here and knock me off?

Sgt. Hulka Oh shit. INCOMING!

Oxberger Sergeant does this mean we’re through for the day? Get him off me! Get him off!

Russell Save your strength, Sarge!

Recruiter I'm not saying the army will do for you what it did for me. All I'm saying is you get out of it exactly what you put into it. Sometimes, the army's your best shot. Now there a couple of questions I have to ask you, they're a little personal; Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.

Winger Convicted? No.

Russell Never convicted.

Recruiter That's good. Are either of you, uh, homosexual?

Winger You mean like flaming?

Recruiter Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.

Russell No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.

Winger Yeah ... would they send us someplace special?

Recruiter I guess that's "no" on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph here.

Winger Sammy, get well soon

Recruiter That's good, now your name.

John Winger We're so goddamn lost. Where the hell is Innsbruck, Austria?

Russell You could join a monastery.

Winger Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?

Russell Never.

Winger So much for the monastery.

Gen. Barnicke Where the hell have you been, soldier?

Winger Traaaaaaaining, sir!

Soldiers Training, sir!

Gen. Barnicke What kind of training, son?

Winger Aaaaaaarmy training, sir!

Soldiers Army training, sir!

Winger Platoon, just like last night, only better! And...right shoulder, ho! Order, ho! Sidestep, right! Why did the chicken cross the road?

Winger Right!

Soldiers Hey! Hey! Hut!

Winger He stepped out of rank, got hit by a tank!

Soldiers He ain't no chicken no more!

Winger, Soldiers No!

Winger Left flank, left! Queen Anne salute! Three...five...seven...port, ho! Razzle-dazzle!

Gen. Barnicke Where's your drill sergeant, men?

Winger Blown up, sir!

Soldiers Blown up, sir!

Capt. Stillman Yes, sir, these are Sgt. Hulka's men. He was injured during basic training.

Gen. Barnicke I see. So am I to understand that you men completed your training on your own?

Winger That's the fact, Jack!

Soldiers That's the fact, Jack!

Gen. Barnicke Captain?

Capt. Stillman Yes, sir.

Gen. Barnicke These are exactly the kind of go-getters I want working on my EM-50 project in Italy.

Capt. Stillman But, sir, these men are--

Gen. Barnicke Don't "but" me, Captain. I want them on the plane. Tonight!

Winger Gentlemen, it's party time, Italian style!

Tagline The story of a man who wanted to keep the world safe for democracy...and meet girls.