20 quotes
Maternal instincts in unconventional forms
Armand Goldman
Don't worry about that. I'm very maternal. And Albert's practically a breast.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Observation on Unique China Design
Louise Keeley
Oh, what interesting china. It looks like young men playing leapfrog.
[examining the sexually provocative designs on the bowls]
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Unexpected Observations on John Wayne's Walk
Albert
No good?
Armand
Actually, it's perfect. I just never realized John Wayne walked like that.
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A Commitment to Laughter and Love
Armand Goldman
My cemetery's in ]. It's one of the prettiest in the world. The sky is blue, palm trees, rolling hills. The one is Los Copa's really shit. What a pain in the ass you are. And it's true: you're not young, you're not new, and you do make people laugh. And me? I'm still with you because you make me laugh. So you know what I got to do? I got to sell my plot in Key Biscayne so I can get one next to you in that shithole Los Copa, so I never miss a laugh.
[to Albert; [W:Key Biscayne|Key Biscayne; sigh]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gender Dynamics and Miscommunication in Relationships
Albert
Don't use that tone to me!
Armand
What tone?
Albert
That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.
Armand
You're not a woman.
Albert
Oh, you (using the other bad word)!
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Chewing Gum and Creative Thinking
Celsius
Chewing gum helps me think.
Albert
Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!
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Family Dynamics and Identity in The Birdcage
Albert
Maybe it is great to introduce me as his mother on the first visit. Could you tell him I was a relative who dropped in? Val's uncle, Uncle Al!
Armand
What's the point? You'd be Val's (using the other bad word) Uncle Al.
Albert
Oh, I could play it straight!
Armand
Oh please, look at you! Look at the way you're holding your glass! Look at your pinky! Look at your posture!
Albert
What? What about you? You're obviously not a cultural... whatever it is. You've never been to a museum, and you eat like a pig!
Armand
Albert, these people are right-wing conservatives. They don't care if you're a pig, they just care if you're a fag!... Ah, (using the other bad word) em! Of course you can pass as an uncle!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Remark on Friendship and Identity
Albert Goldman
Armand Goldman, you old so-and-so! How bout those ]! ... Screaming queen?
[[w:Miami Dolphins|Dolphins]
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Dancing Discontent Amongst Political Figures
Senator Kevin Keeley
No one will dance with me. I think it's this dress. I told them white would make me look fat.
[in drag]
Barbara Keeley
What about me? I'm just as pretty as the rest of these guys!
[in female drag]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace Authenticity and Individuality
Taglines
Come as you are.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Identity and Performance Anxiety
Agador
Armand, mustn't you let me be in the show? Are you afraid of my Guatemalan-ness?
Armand
Your what?
Agador
My ]-ness, my natural heat. You're afraid I'm too primitive to be on the stage with your little ] rockettes, right?
[[Guatemala|Guatemalan; [W:estrogen|estrogen]
Armand
You're wright. I'm afraid of your heat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Dance with Eclectic Influences
Armand Goldman
You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do ], Fosse, Fosse! You do ], Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or ], Twyla, Twyla! Or ], Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or ], Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside.
[[w:Bob Fosse|Fosse; [Martha Graham; [w:Twyla Tharp|Twyla; [w:Michael Kidd|Michael Kidd; [Madonna (entertainer)|Madonna]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Identity Against External Judgment
Armand Goldman
Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle-aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Perception and Relationship Dynamics
Albert
Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!
Armand
I made you short?
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Escaping to Equality in Los Copa
Albert
Oh yes, another jibe, another joke at my expense. You were probably laughing at me with Katharine, too. Well, why not? I'm not young, I'm not new, and everyone laughs at me. I'm quite aware of how ridiculous I am. I've been thinking that the only solution is to go where no one is ridiculous and everyone is equal. Goodbye, Armand.
Armand
All right, I'll bite, where are you going?
Albert
To Los Copa.
Armand
Los Copa? There's nothing in Los Copa but a cemetery.
Albert
I know, that's why I'm packing light.
Armand
Oh I see, so you're going to a cemetery with your toothbrush. How ].
[[Egypt|Egyptian]
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Family, Dinner, and Nightclub Challenges
Taglines
What could possibly come between a match made in heaven? The parents. Dinner. And a nightclub called... (The Birdcage)
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Questionable Drug Use in a Comedy Scene
Armand
Why're you giving him drugs? What the (using the other bad word) It's Val. are Pirin tablets?
Agador
It's ] with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.
[[W:aspirin|aspirin]
Armand
My God, what a brilliant idea!
Agador
I know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters and Humorous Confessions
Katharine
You were so terrified, it was so sweet.
Armand
I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!
Katharine
I paid the doorman $20 - $20, in those days!
Armand
Oh, God. And I thought, "What the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mixed Emotions Over a Controversial Sports Call
Armand
Al, you old (using the other bad word)! How ya doin'? How do you feel about that call today? I mean the Dolphins! Fourth-and-three play on their 30 yard line with only 34 seconds to go!
Albert
How do you think I feel? Betrayed, bewildered... wrong response?
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Navigating Family Expectations and Personal Identities
Armand
Val's fiancée is coming tonight with her parents, and we thought... we thought it would be better if you wasn't here.
Albert
I see... I see.
Val
It's just for tonight.
Albert
I understand, it's just while people are here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.