13 quotes
A Joke Shared Among Friends
Yakavetta
I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.
Rocco
Now? A joke? Uh … um, uh … a joke. Yeah, all right. Um … there's these, uh, three guys, uh … a-a-a-a spic, a-a-a-a white guy and a black guy.
Yakavetta
Nigger.
Rocco
Yeah, n-n… yeah. And-and they walk along the beach, they see this pot, they rub it, genie comes out. Genie says, you know, "You wish for anything you want." So, he asks, uh-uh, Mexican what-what he wants, and he goes, uh, uh, "I want, uh, all my people in America to be happy and free and in Mexico." And so, genie – poof! And all the spics are in Mexico. And then he asks the black guy …
Vincenzo Lipazzi
Nigger.
Rocco
Yeah, that's what I said. Goes to the, uh-uh, nigger, says, uh, "What do you want?" And he goes, um, uh, "I want all my African – my nigger brothers in America to be back in Africa, and-and happy and everything." You know? So, genie goes poof! And, um, all the niggers in America are in Africa. And, uh, uh, uh, this is go – I'm not funny today. I-I know. I'm havin a hard day. I-I-I – this joke sucks. It's-it's-it's a stupid joke.
Yakavetta
Continue the joke.
Rocco
So the genie says to the white guy, uh, um, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy goes, "You mean to tell me all the niggers and spics are out of America?" Genie goes, "Yeah." He says, "Well, um, I'll have ], then.
[[w:Coca-Cola|a Coke]
Yakavetta
Tell me one more.
Rocco
What?
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Business Analogy Between Brothers
Murphy
We're sorta like ]. We're not always doing business, but we're always open.
[[7-Eleven]
Connor
That is nicely put.
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Confrontation Among Unlikely Characters
Ivan Checkov
I am Ivan Checkov, and you will be closing now.
Murphy
Checkov? Well, this here's McCoy. We find a Spock, we got us an away team.
Checkov
Me in no mood for discussion. You, you stay. The rest of you, go now.
Doc
Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fuck outa hea!
Connor
You know he's got til the weeks end, right? You don't have to be hard asses, do ya?
Murphy
It's St. Paddy's Day, everyone's Irish tonight. Why don't you just pull up a stool and have a drink with us?
Checkov
This is no game! If you won't go... we will make you go.
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Need for Rope in Unlikely Situation
Connor
Do you know what we need, man? Some rope.
[''Picking out weapons and gear'']
Murphy
Absolutely. What are you, insane?
Connor
No, I ain't. {{W|Charles Bronson}}'s always got rope.
Murphy
What?
Connor
Yeah. He's got a lot of rope strapped around him in the movies, and they always end up using it.
Murphy
You've lost it, haven't you?
Connor
No, I'm serious.
Murphy
Me too. That's stupid. Name one thing you gonna need a rope for.
Connor
You don't fucking know what you're gonna need it for. They just always need it.
Murphy
What's this "they" shit? This isn't a movie.
Connor
Oh, right. Is that right, Rambo?
[''Picks up large knife out of Murphy's bag'']
Murphy
All right. Get your stupid fucking rope.
Connor
I'll get my stupid rope. I'll get it. This is a rope right here.
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Exploring Symbolism in Mythology and Judgment
Detective Dolly
So, what's the symbology there?
Paul Smecker
Symbology? Now that Duffy's relinquished his "King Bonehead" crown, I see we have an heir to the throne! I'm sure the word you were looking for was symbolism. What is the ssss-himbolism there? Let me explain it to you. In Greek and Roman mythology, when you died, you would have to pay the toll to Charon, the boatman who ferried you across to the gates of judgment. This made sure the dead came to atone for what they did during their lives, Detective Dollypoposkallius.
Detective Dolly
Jesus, you're the first one that ever got that!
Paul Smecker
Yeah, well, I'm an expert in … nameology!
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Humor in Unusual Investigations
Paul Smecker, F.B.I.
Now, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.
[''Begins dancing'']
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Chosen to Reveal Existence
Il Duce
You people have been chosen to reveal our existence to the world. You will witness what happens here today, and you will tell of it later. All eyes to the front. You must watch dear. It'll all be over soon.
[''Gently to a woman in front with her eyes turned down'']
Connor
Now you will receive us.
Murphy
We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.
Connor
We do not want your tired and sick.
Murphy
It is your corrupt we claim.
Connor
It is your evil that will be sought by us.
Murphy
With every breath, we shall hunt them down.
Connor
Each day we will spill their blood, til it rains down from the skies.
Murphy
Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
Connor
These are not polite suggestions. These are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
Murphy
There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, into true corruption, into our domain.
Connor
For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it!
Murphy
And we will send you to whatever god you wish.
Connor, Murphy and Il Duce
And shepherds we shall be, for Thee, my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
Il Duce
]
[[w:Trinitarian formula|Ĭn nōmine Pătris …]
Connor
… ĕt Fīliī …
[''Showing "veritas" tattooed on left hand'']
Murphy
… ĕt Spīritūs Sānctī.
[''Showing "aequitas" tattooed on right hand'']
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Describing a chaotic confrontation
Paul Smecker, F.B.I.
There was a fire-fight!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Versatility of Profanity
Rocco
Fuckin … what the fuckin fuck … who the fuck … fuck this fuckin … how the fuck did you two fuckin fucks … fuck!
[''Seeing a room full of mobsters killed by Connor and Murphy'']
Connor
Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.
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Tension Builds Amidst Frustration and Focus
Murphy
Where the fuck are you going?
Connor
Shh, I'm figuring some shit out here.
Murphy
Oh fuck you! I'm sweating my ass off dragging your fucking rope around! Must weigh thirty pounds.
Connor
Shh! We are doing some serious shit here, now get a fucking hold of yourself!
Murphy
Oh fuck you, I'm not the rope-toting Charlie Bronson wannabe that's getting us fucking lost!
Connor
Will you fucking shut it?!
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The Danger of Indifference Among Good Men
Monseigneur
And I am reminded on this holy day of the sad story of ]. As you all may remember, long time ago almost 30 years ago. This poor soul cried out for help time and time again, but no person answered her calls. Though many saw, no one so much as called the police. They all just watched as Kitty was being stabbed to death in broad daylight. They watched as her assailant walked away. Now, we must all fear evil men. But, there is another kind of evil which we must fear most … and that is the indifference of good men!
[[w:Kitty Genovese|Kitty Genovese]
Connor
I do believe the Monseigneur's finally got the point.
[''As the brothers exit the church'']
Murphy
Aye.
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Confrontation Over Intimacy and Masculinity
Paul Smecker
What are you doing?
Hojo
I just wanted to cuddle.
Paul Smecker
Cuddle? What a fag.
[''Gets out of bed and walks away'']
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The Complexity of Intimacy
Paul Smecker, F.B.I.
Cuddle? ].
[[w:homophobia|What a fag]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.