4 quotes
Bathroom Time Management Conflict
Claire
Knocking on the bathroom door, while Michelle is in the bathroom] Michelle, you gotta get out of the bathroom. I'm already late for work and Rachel's gonna be late for school.
Michelle Darnell
Well, I'm going as fast as I can. You're welcome to come in.
[inside the bathroom]
Claire
Fine, but we gotta get on the schedule if you're gonna be here. Oh, my God! Close your robe!
[opens the door to find Michelle applying self-tanning spray]
Michelle Darnell
No, absolutely not! I'm self-tanning and my legs are still wet.
Claire
I can see your vagina.
Michelle Darnell
Well, congratulations and you're welcome. You know, I had it rejuvenated in 2010. They called it a vaguvenation. You know, it's like a soft silk coin purse. I can barely urinate.
[whispers]
Claire
Oh, my God.
[still in shock]
Michelle Darnell
Now, do me a favor and tell me if I have any streaks on my hamstrings.
[turns around, bends over and lifts up her robe as Rachel comes into the bathroom]
Claire
Oh, my God! Put it away!
Michelle Darnell
Huh?!
Rachel
Whoa!
[shows up]
Michelle Darnell
Hi, Racquel.
[turns around]
Rachel
It's Rachel!
[correcting herself]
Claire
Go grab your backpack, honey. We don't need to brush our teeth today. Our teeth are fine. You need to wipe some of that off your face. You know, it dries darker.
[Rachel leaves the room, as Michelle goes back to spraying her leg with self-tanning spray]
Michelle Darnell
No. Does it?
[grabs the bottle]
Claire
Yes.
Michelle Darnell
That's not what the bottle says. Oh. Oh, it's okay. It's coming off like a dream on your towel.
[wipes her face with a bath towel]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
First Taste of a Dorito Experience
Michelle Darnell
I tried a Dorito for the first time last night. It wasn't cheese. It was... cheese adjacent, but not cheese. It was really good!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Taking Initiative in the Workplace
Claire
: Michelle, if you can't give me a raise, I can't continue to work here.
Michelle Darnell
Well, look who finally showed up to my seminar. About time, Claire, I love it. I didn't know you were listening all these years. What am I always saying?
Tito
Don't go in that room!
Michelle Darnell
True. I do say that, but I also say, you want something, you gotta take it. Claire, you just took it and you grew a pair in the process.
Claire
I'm holding your earrings?
Michelle Darnell
You're holding a pair of earrings, as in 2001, I paid $ 62,000 for it, and that's your raise now, it's a good raise and you earned it.
Claire
Thank you.
Tito
Congratulations on your balls, Claire!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Preference for Horror Films
Michelle Darnell
Let's watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.