18 quotes
Truth and Deception in Unlikely Circumstances
Felix Gillie
And what if I tell them the truth and say it was all your idea in the first place?
Waldo Trumbull
Mr. Gillie... Felix... friend... I put it to you, who in your discerning estimation are the police most likely to believe, hm? Mr. W. Trumble, respected local citizen and entrepreneur of death, or Mr. Felix Gillie... wanted fugitive and confessed bank robber?
Felix Gillie
I never confessed! They just proved it.
[pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question About the Location
John F. Black, Esq.
What place is THIS?
[repeated line upon waking up from his "death"]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Macabre Journey Through Horror Comedy
Taglines
A macabre romp featuring 4 great names from the Horror Hall of Fame!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Surprising Revelation of Mortality
John F. Black, Esq.
Mr. Trumbull... this man... what am I doing here?
[who has just awakened from a cataleptic trance in the mortuary basement]
Waldo Trumbull
Well, you're here because you're dead, Mr. Black.
[who has recovered from his shock]
John F. Black, Esq.
The hell I am!
Waldo Trumbull
Oh yes, Mr. Black, quite dead. Everybody knows it... except apparently you.
John F. Black, Esq.
What jiggery-pockery is this?
Waldo Trumbull
Oh, not jiggery-pockery, Mr. Black. Hinchley and Trumbull, Funeral Parlor.
John F. Black, Esq.
You wouldn't dare!
[realizing what Trumbull means]
Waldo Trumbull
Have we a choice, Mr. Black?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncooperative Customer in Unusual Circumstances
Felix Gillie
For a man in his condition, he has a lot of energy!
[he and Trumbull are sitting on the coffin, trying to keep it closed and referring to Mr. Black, who's inside the coffin]
Waldo Trumbull
The stubborn old crackpot! I could have sworn that he was dead!
Felix Gillie
It's about time!
Waldo Trumbull
I've never had such an uncooperative customer in my life!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Amidst Expressions of Sympathy
Waldo Trumbull
Allow me, Madam, in this moment of your most desolate bereavement to lift from your sorrow-laden shoulders the burdens and tasks of exequiem sepulcher.
Mrs. Phipps
What?
[confused]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Every Shroud Has a Silver Lining
Taglines
Every shroud has a silver lining!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Regret Over Freedom in Unlikely Places
John F. Black, Esq.
FELIX GILLIE---"Why did I ever escape from prison? It was so peaceful there !
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Father's Legacy of Curiosities and Children
Amaryllis Trumbull
If my father chose to spend his hard-earned money in the collection of curious objects...
Waldo Trumbull
He did more than collect curious objects, madam, he also fathered one!
[interrupting]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fun Awaits Where the Ghouls Are
Taglines
Where the GHOULS are...is where the FUN is!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Favorite Creeps Reunited in Laughter
Taglines
Your favorite creeps...together again!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Greed Leads to Grave Consequences
Taglines
A grave case of greed gone too far!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disagreement Escalates to Insults
John F. Black, Esq.
Let me out of here!
[fighting to get out of the coffin into which Trumbull and Gillie have put him and which they are fighting to keep closed]
Waldo Trumbull
We most certainly will NOT let you out of here, sir!
John F. Black, Esq.
Confound you, sir!
Waldo Trumbull
Confound you too, sir! Will you KINDLY have the goodness to die?
John F. Black, Esq.
NEVER!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Skepticism About Life's Fleeting Nature
John F. Black, Esq.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more...
[as he's dying again]
Waldo Trumbull
I'll believe that when I see it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on a Classic Adage
Waldo Trumbull
To... uh... paraphrase the venerable adage: we shall kill two birds, with one... pillow.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Revitalizing the Undertaking Business
Taglines
They put new life in the undertaking business!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Strained Relationship Revealed Through Dialogue
Waldo Trumbull
Get away from me!
Amaryllis Trumbull
Am I so repulsive?
Waldo Trumbull
That's the word, yes.
Amaryllis Trumbull
Couldn't you find it in your heart to love me, Waldo?
Waldo Trumbull
Get up, you're sitting on my money!
Amaryllis Trumbull
So you reject me?
Waldo Trumbull
As long as there's liquor in the house!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Eulogy Filled with Confusion
Amos Hinchley
And so, my friends, we find ourselves gathered around the bier of Mrs... er... Mr... You Know Whom... this litter of sorrow, this cairn, this cromlech, this dread dochma, this gart, this mastaba, this sorrowing tope, this unhappy tumulus, this, this... what is the word?... this... er, coffin! Never could think of that word. Requiescat in Pace, Mr... um... Mr... the memory of your good deeds will not perish with your untimely sepulcher.
[giving eulogy for John F. Black]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.