The Dictator (2012) - Quotes

Cultural Traditions and Misunderstandings at Weddings

General Aladeen: Are you okay, my love? What did you step on?

Zoey: Oh, yes! No, no. It's my people's tradition. We always smash a glass at weddings. I'm Jewish!

General Aladeen: What?

Zoey: Mazel tov! Are you okay?

General Aladeen: That's fine. I don't mind. It's great! Come here, my love.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Denial of Accountability in a Dangerous Situation

Zoey: [after finding out Allison Burgers is General Aladeen] Oh my god! You lied to me... and you're wanted for war crimes!

General Aladeen: Please. That stuff never sticks.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Focus on a Subtle Performance

Nadal: Are you okay?

General Aladeen: My guy has a limp. I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub because I'm a cockney.

Nadal: Listen, listen, okay? You need to focus up right now and be prepared to deliver a small, subtle performance.

General Aladeen: Okay, great, okay.

Nadal: Okay, good.

General Aladeen: [Pulling eyelids backwards] Okay, so when we go to fly...

Nadal: [Slaps Aladeen's hands off] Don't do that with your eyes! You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay?

General Aladeen: I'm not Chink, I'm Chinese-American!

Nadal: No, but you cannot hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think you're Chinese-American because you hold your eyes like that! It's racist, what you're doing!

General Aladeen: Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's? They pronounce them as L's. So instead you know what rabbit is in Chinese?

Nadal: I don't know how to speak Chinese.

General Aladeen: It's labbit'.

Nadal: It's not labbit'!

General Aladeen: Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit was a huge hit in China!

Nadal: Nobody... It's stup... All right, I don't care! This is stupid, okay?

General Aladeen: Okay, I'll do Filipino. I like to work, I like to talk.

General Aladeen: I like the shit, I do the kids.

Nadal: [Pulling Aladeen's hands off] Stop that! Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!

General Aladeen: Now who's being a lacist? You're being lacist now!

Nadal: I'm not being racist! Right now, we have to get on this helicopter and we have to act like true Americans.

General Aladeen: I guess you don't want me to play black, then.

Nadal: Of course, I don't want you to play black.

General Aladeen: Okay, just throwing it out there.

Nadal: Okay. Don't.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Misunderstanding About Self Juicing Revealed

General Aladeen: I've discovered this amazing thing. I have to show you how to do it. It's called self juicing, You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.

Nadal: I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult man.

General Aladeen: What do you mean? You knew about this?

Nadal: Everybody knows about this. We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.

General Aladeen: Why does nobody ever tell me anything?

Nadal: Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Aladeen's American Pride and Palace Gossip

General Aladeen: [[w:American Civil War|American Civil Jihad; Speaking different language] I love being an Americans! America is number one! Oh, I am from U.S.A.! My father also from U.S.A. My great-grandfather fought in the ]. I am very proud to be an American, I am America's number one douche. I've fooled them. Job done.

Nadal: So, how are things back at the Palace?

General Aladeen: Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house?

Nadal: Ooh, Bin Laden?

General Aladeen: [[w:Osama bin Laden|Osama; Both laugh] Yes, ]. Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers... And how hard is it to put a bath mat down, Bin Laden? Hey, do you remember my favorite sports car?

Nadal: You mean your Porsche?

General Aladeen: [[w:Porsche 911|911] Yes... the ].

Nadal: Oh, Nine Eleven, it's the best.

General Aladeen: [Imitating crashing effect; Both laugh] So I was driving my 911 near the palace one day... and I totally crashed! It's ok, I've already ordered a new one. A brand new 911 2012.

Nadal: You know, while you are here, you should try to see some of the sights... such as the Empire State Building... and Yankee Stadium.

General Aladeen: [Imitating explosions; both laugh] And I'd love to see the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty.

Nadal: Hey, have your old back problems been bothering you?

General Aladeen: Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that I made myself a back brace.

Nadal: Really?

General Aladeen: [He reveals to wear something resembling an [[w:Explosive vest|explosive vest] Yes, look, I'm still wearing it. ]) Hey, my English is getting good... ...I bet I can count down from five faster than you can!

Aladeen and Nadal: Five, four, three, two, one!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Identity Confusion in a Restaurant Setting

Waiter: What is your name?

General Aladeen: Allison Burgers.

Waiter: That's a made-up name. What's your real name?

General Aladeen: Ladis.

General Aladeen: Ladis what?

General Aladeen: Ladis Washurum.

Waiter: [notices "Ladies washroom" sign] So your name is like the sign "Ladies washroom"?

General Aladeen: Oh...

Waiter: [everyone in the restaurant starts looking at Aladeen] That's a made-up name. What is your name? I am interested. We are interested.

General Aladeen: Emploice.

General Aladeen: Emploice what?

General Aladeen: Emploice... Muswashans.

Waiter: [notices "Employees must wash hands" sign] That is a made-up name. What is your real name?

General Aladeen: Max.

General Aladeen: Max what?

General Aladeen: Imumoocupancyu one-hundred-and-twenty.

Waiter: [notices "Maximum occupancy not to exceed 120 persons" sign] There's a number in the name? Who are you?! Aladeen's sympathizer?!

Education and Perception in Unlikely Comparisons

General Aladeen: You seem educated.

Zoey: Yes, I went to Amherst.

General Aladeen: I love it when women go to school. It's like seeing a monkey on rollerskates. It means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us.

Misguided Ideas on Missile Design and Function

General Aladeen: It is too round on the top. It needs to be pointy. Round is not scary. Pointy is scary. This will put a smile on the faces of the enemy. They will think that it is a huge robot dildo flying toward them.

Nadal: No, Supreme Leader. The shape of the missile top has nothing to do with aerodynamics. It is about the payload delivery.

General Aladeen: No. It sticks in the ground, and then kaboom.

Nadal: Supreme Leader, I think perhaps some of your information about bombs is coming from cartoons.

General Aladeen: Nonsense. They were research films.

Nadal: In this film, just one question, was there a duck who, when the explosion is happens, his bill goes around to the back of his head, and then in order to talk, he has to put it back this way?

General Aladeen: There was somebody who suffered a deformity like that.

Nadal: I am now 100% sure that you are watching cartoons.

General Aladeen: Indulge me. For one second, pretend that I'm an idiot.

Nadal: Okay, I'm there.

A Question About Parenthood Choices

General Aladeen: [to his pregnant wife] Are you having a boy or an abortion?

General Aladeen's Misguided Apology

General Aladeen: Oh it's a girl. I'm so sorry. Where's the trashcan?

Internet Costs and Accusations of Criminality

General Aladeen: $20 a day for the internet? What the fuck! And they accuse me of being an international criminal?

The Perils of Dictatorship Explored

General Aladeen: Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes. And bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests.