The Great Muppet Caper (1981) - Quotes

Guest stars: [[Peter Ustinov] ] - a Truck Driver

Guest stars: [[w:Jack Warden|Jack Warden] ] - Mike Tarkenian, the editor-in-chief of The Daily Chronicle.

Guest stars: [[Robert Morley] ] - a British Gentleman by Pond

Guest stars: [[w:Peter Falk|Peter Falk] ] - a Man in Park

Guest stars: [[John Cleese] ] as Neville, a middle-aged British homeowner who lives with his wife Dorcas at 17 Highbrow Street.

Guest stars: [[w:Caroll Spinney|Caroll Spinney; [w:Sesame Street|Sesame Street] ] as Oscar the Grouch from ]

The Muppet performers: Louise Gold as Annie Sue Pig and Lou

The Muppet performers: [[w:Steve Whitmire|Steve Whitmire; [w:Rizzo the Rat|Rizzo the Rat; [w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Lips|Lips] ] - ], ], Pink Frackle and Zeke

The Muppet performers: [[w:Dave Goelz|Dave Goelz; [w:The Great Gonzo|The Great Gonzo; [w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Zoot|Zoot; [w:Bunsen Honeydew|Dr. Bunsen Honeydew] ] - ], Beauregard, ] and ]

The Muppet performers: [[w:Richard Hunt (puppeteer)|Richard Hunt; [w:Scooter (Muppet)|Scooter; [w:Statler and Waldorf|Statler; [w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Janice|Janice; [w:Sweetums|Sweetums] ] - ], ], Beaker, ], ] and Bubba

The Muppet performers: [[w:Jerry Nelson|Jerry Nelson; [w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Floyd Pepper|Floyd Pepper; [w:Pops (Muppet)|Pops; [w:Lew Zealand|Lew Zealand] ] - Crazy Harry, ], ], ], Louis Kazagger and Slim Wilson

The Muppet performers: [[Frank Oz; [w:Fozzie Bear|Fozzie Bear; [w:Miss Piggy|Miss Piggy; [w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Animal|Animal; [w:Sam Eagle|Sam the Eagle] ] - ], ], ], ] and Gramps

The Muppet performers: [[Jim Henson; [w:Kermit the Frog|Kermit the Frog; [w:Rowlf the Dog|Rowlf the Dog; [w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Dr. Teeth|Dr. Teeth; [w:Statler and Waldorf|Waldorf; [w:Swedish Chef|The Swedish Chef; [w:The Newsman|The Newsman] ] - ], ], ], ], Green Frackle, ], ], Timmy Monster, and Lubbock Lou

Statler: I guess all's well that ends well.

Waldorf: Doesn't matter to me, as long as it ends.

Kermit: Why are you doing this?

Nicky: Why am I doing this? Because I'm a villain, pure and simple. Every good movie needs one.

Kermit: [breaking the 4th wall - again] I hate to admit it, but that's an excellent point.

Miss Piggy: [to the truck driver] Do you know where Lady Holliday's Baseball Diamond is being kept?

Truck Driver: Well, funny enough, I do: it's at the Mallory Gallery, a virtually impregnable fortress many miles from here.

Miss Piggy: Oh! I only have a half an hour to get there!

Truck Driver: On foot? You'll never make it.

Miss Piggy: I know! How about a ride?

Truck Driver: [points to the sticker on the truck's door] You can read, I presume? "No passengers.

Miss Piggy: Oh, couldn't you make an exception for little old moi?

Truck Driver: [laughs] Not even for little old vous.

Miss Piggy: Pretty please?

Truck Driver: No!

Miss Piggy: [strained] I've tried to be nice.

Truck Driver: Huh?

Miss Piggy: [throws the driver out of his truck and into the garbage cans] Hii-yahh!

Oscar the Grouch: [emerges from a trash can] Hey, what's all the racket?

Truck Driver: What are you doing here?

Oscar the Grouch: A very brief cameo.

Truck Driver: Me too. Tsk tsk.

Kermit: [Beauregard raises his hand] Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're going to catch those crooks red-handed. Yes, Bo?

Beauregard: What color are their hands now?

Kermit: [to Cops got Miss Piggy takes her away] Don't worry Ms. Piggy, will you get out of this?!

Nicky Holiday: Miss Piggy...You're a very different looking woman. I'm so tired of the same type, those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin...

Miss Piggy: Yeah, well, I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.

Miss Piggy: Please don't go. Kermit, please. Oh, please, I'm sorry. Please! Please!

Kermit: Piggy, hold it.

Miss Piggy: Please! Please! Please!

Kermit: Piggy...? Piggy? You're overacting.

Miss Piggy: ...What?

Kermit: You'e overacting. You're hamming it up.

Miss Piggy: I am not. I am trying to save this movie.

Kermit: [getting annoyed] Oh, yeah? Well, save your performance instead.

Miss Piggy: I am playing eight hundred different emotions!

Kermit: Well, try to play one of them right.

Miss Piggy: Oh, oh! I have a career of my own.

Kermit: I know all about your career, Pig.

Miss Piggy: I don't need this lousy duck pond here.

Kermit: Sure, you don't need a lousy duck pond.

Miss Piggy: I'll just walk.

Kermit: [angrily] Okay, sure. Go ahead and walk.

Miss Piggy: [briefly turning to the camera] Should I walk? Then I'll walk!

Kermit: [Miss Piggy turns away and whimpers; sighs] Walk! Go ahead and walk! Oh, Piggy. Listen.

Miss Piggy: [in tears] I'm doing my best.

Kermit: [moves in to comfort her] Well... I know you are. Piggy, I'm sorry. We gotta get back to the movie, though.

Miss Piggy: [trying to collect herself; heaves a heavy sigh and resumes acting] All right. All right, all right, all right.

Christine Nelson: Look, Dad. There's a bear.

Jerry Nelson: No, Christine, that's a frog. Bears wear hats.

Miss Piggy: Why are you telling me all this?

Lady Holiday: It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.

Fozzie: What does "BSC" stand for?

Kermit: I don't know.

Fozzie: [pleading] We'll do better next time.

News Editor: [pounds fist into desk] Next time? Next time?! What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?

Kermit: Well, if there isn't, it's gonna be a real short movie.

Kermit: [in a hot air balloon] Pretty nice up here, isn't it?

Fozzie: Kermit? What if we drift out to sea? What if we're never heard from again? What if there's a storm? Or - we get struck by lightning?

Gonzo: That'd be neat.

Kermit: Listen, nothing's gonna happen. These are just the opening credits.

Fozzie: [title card appears] Oh. Where are they? Wow!

Kermit: The Great Muppet Caper.

Fozzie: Nice title.

Miss Piggy: Next time they want stunts, they get a double.

Miss Piggy: [to Nicky] You! It was you! Kermit was right! You are bulking! You are a phony! Yes, you are! And you know what, you can't even sing! Your voice was dubbed!