21 quotes
Unexpected Location Revelation in Bangkok
Phil
Wait a second Chow. We're in Bangkok?
Chow
Holla! City of Squalor!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Arrival in Bangkok
Taglines
We're in Bangkok?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bangkok Takes Center Stage in Chaos
Taglines
Bangkok has them now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mr. Chow's Unconventional Nighttime Activities
Mr. Chow
I do blow all night. Monkey jerk me off while I watch Stu make fuck with lady-boy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating the Price for a Missing Child
Stu
We're looking for a little kid.
Samir
$2,000.
Stu
Huh?
Samir
Maybe more, I don't know. How young you want this kid to be?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chow Reflects on His Criminal Lifestyle
Phil
Do you ever do anything that doesn't end in a stand-off, Chow?
Chow
I am an international criminal. It always ends like this. I met my wife at one of these things.
Stu
You have a wife?
Chow
Yeah. We married 15 years. What, Chow not good-looking enough for a woman?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating the Joy of Partying
Taglines
We love to party!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Secrets Remain Hidden in the Darkness
Taglines
No one here has to know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mr. Chow's Perspective on Risks and Recovery
Mr. Chow
What's the matter, you never do blow before? Sometimes your heart stop, it start up again. Read a book.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dueling Perspectives on Dark Secrets
Stu
Woah! Here's the deal man, I got a dark side. There's a demon in me.
Alan
It's true, he has semen in him.
Stu
I said demon.
Alan
But you also have semen in you remember, from the...
Stu
It's not relevant, but thank you Alan.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reunion Leads to Party Invitation
Phil
Chow, what happened?
Chow
You guys texted me. Said you fucked up and looking to party.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Night of Fun and Confusion
Kimmy
This one was following me around like a little puppy dog all night, saying how he fall in love with me, and asked me to marry him.
Alan
Classic Stu.
Stu
We didn’t get married, did we?
Kimmy
Of course not. We just had some fun in the Chardonnay Room.
Phil
What, uh… What happens in the Chardonnay Room?
Stu
Let’s just stay on task here.
Kimmy
Oh, you know. Dance for him. He tickle me. We had sex. I massage his shoulders…
Stu
Fuck!
Phil
It’s okay. Hey, you're not married yet. It's no big deal.
Stu
It's cheating, okay? No offense to you, you're a lovely woman; it's a violation of my moral code.
Kimmy
Don’t be sad. Stu you love it. You were crying, saying how special it was.
Phil
Wait. I’m sorry, he was crying?
Alan
What a baby. He was crying.
Kimmy
You should have seen him. He was so sexy, the way he move ‘round. I had to ask him to slow down so I don’t drop my load too quick.
Stu
Load? What load?
Kimmy
Oh you know, my sperms.
Stu
Eh, I think your English is off. She’s talking about my sperm. Where would your sperm come from?
Kimmy
From my balls.
Phil
Hold on. Back up.
Stu
Wait, wait. Are you…?
Kimmy
Hey, you’re in Bangkok sweetie. There’s a reason they don't call it Bang-cunt!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship and Regret at a Bachelor Party
Phil
You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us!
Stu
Oh, this will be good!
Phil
Stu, think about it! You ended up ditching Melissa... two years later, you met your true soulmate. You take Vegas out of that equation, you would've married a cunt! Oh, it's ok... No, I'm allowed to say it, it's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody! Oh wait, there's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fuckin IHOP!
[Old couple looks over and gives Phil dirty looks]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inner Struggles and Personal Demons
Taglines
I have a demon in me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on a Wild Night Out
Taglines
We had a sick night!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Collapse Leads to Panic Among Friends
Chow
You ready for the craziest fucking story ever? (Collapses on the table)
Phil
Chow! (Pats him)
Alan
Mr. Chow, are you okay?
Phil
You gotta be kidding me! (Checks for Chow's pulse) Fuck, he's dead!
Stu
(Freaks out, starts screaming) Help!
Phil
Stu, shut up. Stu, shut up!
Stu
Call an ambulance!
Phil
Shut up, he's dead! Look, if someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine, we're gonna spend the rest of our lives in a fucking Thai prison! Now shh! Alan, please stop crying!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in Universal Situations
Alan Garner
When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wolfpack Loyalty Pact Statement
Taglines
We made a pact, Wolfpack only.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Password Frustrations in a Digital Age
Phil
Your password is baloney1?
Chow
Well, it used to be just baloney, but now they make you add numbers.
Kingsley
Really fuckin annoying.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Familiar Situation Repeats Itself
Tracy
Phil.
Phil
Tracy, I'm sorry.
Tracy
Where the hell are you?
Phil
It happened again.
[sighs]
Tracy
Don't say that. Please.
Phil
No, this time we really fucked up.
Tracy
Seriously, what's wrong with you three?
Phil
So much, Trace, I don't even know where to begin.
Tracy
Oh, God. How bad? Like, "no wedding" bad?
Phil
Yeah. Little worse than that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Consequences of an Alternative Lifestyle
Stu
Oh my God! We kidnapped a monk!
Alan
We live an alternative lifestyle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.