Unexpected Identity Revelation
Taglines:
Well, technically, I'm an escort.
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Confronting the Wrong Opponent
Taglines:
You mess with the wrong guy.
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A Gentle Reminder to Take It Easy
Taglines:
Easy, tiger!
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Missing Person Inquiry
Taglines:
Have you seen this man?
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Searching for the Missing Tiger
Taglines:
Where the hell is my tiger?
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Questioning the Events of the Previous Night
Taglines:
What happened last night?
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Police Car Theft Confession
Taglines:
I stole a police car?!
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Concern About Missing a Tooth
Taglines:
Am I missing a tooth?
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Paternity Mystery in The Hangover
Taglines:
Whose baby is this?
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Vegas Is Not for Everyone
Taglines:
Some guys just can't handle Vegas
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Stun Gun Demonstration at the Police Station
Officer Franklin:
Ok, kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect... Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun: up close and personal…
Officer Franklin:
…or you can shoot it from a distance. Now, do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shootin’, huh? Alright. How about you, young lady? Come on up here.
Officer Franklin:
Alright. Let's go, handsome. Come on.
Officer Franklin:
Not you, fat Jesus. Slide it on back.
Officer Franklin:
You, pretty boy.
Phil:
You don't really wanna do this.
Officer Franklin:
You can do this. Just focus.
Phil:
Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this thing through.
Officer Franklin:
Finish him!
Officer Franklin:
Right in the nuts! That was beautiful! Well done! Give her a hand, everybody. Good job! Well done! Good job! That was great!
Officer Franklin: [to the boy who had his phone kicked out of his hand by Alan earlier]
Look, hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shootin’ up here? How about you, big man? Come on up here. Okay, same instructions: just point, aim and shoot. There ya go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity, eye of the tiger. You're holdin’ 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning.
Officer Franklin:
In the face! In the face!
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Miscommunication About Travel Plans in Las Vegas
Melissa:
I called that bed and breakfast in Napa. They said they had no record of you even checking in.
Stu:
That's cause we didn't go to Napa.
Melissa:
Stu, what the fuck is going on?
Stu:
We went to Las Vegas.
Melissa:
Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?
Stu:
Cause my best friend was getting married, and that's what guys do.
Melissa:
Uh-huh?
Stu:
Yeah.
Melissa:
That's not what you do.
Stu:
Really? Well, then, why did I do it?! Huh?! Cause I did it! Riddle me that! Why'd I do it?! You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do.
Melissa:
That is not how this works!
Stu:
Oh, good! Because whatever this is ain't workin for me!
Melissa:
Oh, really?
Stu:
Yeah!
Melissa:
Since when?!
Stu:
Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June! BOOM!!!
Alan:
You told me it was a bartender.
Stu:
Oh. You're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender.
Melissa:
You're an idiot.
Stu: [struggles]
You're a-- You... You're... such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core!
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Negotiating for Doug's Return
Phil:
All right. We got the money. 80 grand cash.
Chow:
Throw it over! Then I give you Doug.
Stu:
I'm sorry. First of all, good morning. We didn't catch your name last night.
Chow:
Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.
Stu:
Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu. And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money, to verify that he's okay, if that's cool.
Chow: [claps hands, and a man with a bag on his head is brought out of the car]
Of course, Stu. That is cool.
Stu: [relieved]
Oh. Okay.
Chow:
See? He fine. Now, gimme money, or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers! And then we take it! Your choice, bitches!
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Concern Over the Escaped Tiger
Alan:
Guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?
Phil:
Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?
Stu:
I don't know, because I don't remember.
Phil:
Shh! Stu! Stu, keep it down.
Alan: [[w:Flunitrazepam|roofies]
One of the side-effects of ] is memory loss.
Stu:
You are literally too stupid to insult.
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The Satchel Debate
Phil: [sees Alan with his new [[w:Satchel (bag)|satchel]
You're not really wearin that, are you?
Alan:
Wearin what?
Phil:
The man purse. You actually gonna wear that, or you guys just fuckin with me?
Alan: [[Indiana Jones]
It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. ] wears one.
Phil: [[Joy Behar]
So does ].
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Alan's Toast to the Wolf Pack
Alan:
I like to say somethin that I prepared tonight.
Stu:
All right, Alan.
Alan: [extracts a sheet of paper; presents his speech; pulls out a pocket knife]
Hello. How bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So, there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
Stu:
What?!
Doug:
Whattaya got there?
Phil:
What the fuck?!
Stu:
What is that?!
Alan:
Blood brothers.
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Concealing Truths in Relationships
Doug:
All good with Melissa?
Stu:
Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.
Phil:
Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years, and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?
Stu:
Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
Phil:
Oh, so you can't go to Vegas, but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Stu:
Okay. First of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even cum inside her.
Phil:
And you believe that?
Stu:
Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.
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A Promise of Silence Amid Chaos
Alan:
I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it.
Doug:
Okay. I got it. Thank you. I don't think that...
Alan:
Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.
Doug:
What?
Alan:
You heard me. It's Sin City. I won't tell a soul.
Doug:
Okay. I got it. Thank you.
Alan: [the two future in-laws embrace]
No, thank you. I love you so much.
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Vegas Memories and Unwanted Surprises
Sid:
Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Doug:
Ah!
Sid:
Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with ya.
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Unexpected Trouble in a Stressful Situation
Phil:
Tracy, it's Phil.
Tracy:
Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.
Phil:
Yeah, listen. Uh... we fucked up.
Tracy:
What are you talking about?
Phil:
The bachelor party-- The whole night-- Things got outta control, and, uh…we lost Doug.
Tracy:
What?
Phil:
We can't find Doug.
Tracy:
What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours!
Phil:
Yeah. That's not gonna happen.
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