24 quotes
Body Swap Between Opposites
Taglines
The hottest chick in town just switched bodies with the luckiest loser in the world.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Locker Room Incident
Jessica/Clive
(crying) Somebody shit in the locker.
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Earrings and Prom Envy
Jessica Spencer
Look at these earrings! I'll be the envy of every girl at prom. Not like that was in jeopardy or anything.
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Missed Opportunities and Unexpected Conversations
Jessica/Clive
(crying into the phone) I should have made love to you when I had the chance.
Billy
Father Mulcahy?
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Urgent Bathroom Needs in Awkward Situation
Jessica/Clive
I have to get to the little girls room before I soak my panties!
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Commentary on Shared Responsibility and Courtesy
Jessica/Clive
(after Jake insults April)You asshole!(Jake and Billy give him a weird look) Whoever left these towels here is an asshole.
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A Comment on Confidence and Hair Care
Jessica/Clive
You think you're so cool cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally split!
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Unexpected Drink Order at the Beach
Jessica/Clive
And for me, a screaming orgasm on the beach with extra sugar around the rim, YUM! (the bartender gives him an odd look) Better make that last one a Brewsky... Double Brewsky.
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Confident Claim About Size and Competition
Jessica/Clive
(to Jake while calling for April) Too late dude, she's with me right now. She says that my peepee's way bigger than yours. And that's if I fold it in half
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Unexpected Changes in Friendship Dynamics
April
Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.
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Childhood Memories and Lasting Friendships
Jessica/Clive
April, do you remember in second grade when you moved here from Arkansas? Everybody threw rocks at you because you talked funny and your front two teeth were brown? I was your only friend. I gave you that locket round your neck, when your grandmother was sick. You said, you said...
April
...we'd be bestest friends forever.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Sexuality and Identity in a Moment
Jessica/Clive
(after kissing April) I am so lesbian right now.
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Humorous Banter Among Unlikely Characters
Mambuza Bongo Player
(recurring line) And look, you can put your weed in it!
Lulu
Minimum wage for a maximum loser!
Bathroom Attendant
And if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it.
Keesha's Mom
You're not ashamed of me. You're really ashamed of yourself. Tell Lulu, easy on the chronic.
Man
]!
[[Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo|That's a huge bitch]
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Searching for Identity in Transformation
Clive/Jessica
(walking into the bathroom after turning into Jessica) WHERE'S MY...?
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Conflicted Feelings About Love and Attraction
Jessica Spencer
You're the only boy that can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Karlie TC sucks!
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A Day of Unfortunate Events
Jessica/Clive
This is by far, the worst day of my life.
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Unexpected Responsibilities in Unusual Circumstances
Clive/Jessica
(after stealing a box of tampons) I gotta do WHAT??
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Empathy in Unexpected Places
Jessica/Clive
Hildenburg, I'm sorry I humiliated you in front of the whole school and the visiting eight graders, but you have no idea what it's like, to wake up every morning ... and have to shave your chin.
Hildenburg
(crying) Yes, I do.
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Friendly Banter Among Friends
Bianca
Hi Jessica, you look great. Are you doing anything different or just hanging out with skankier friends?
Jessica
You look good too Bianca. Are you eating less or just barfing more?
Monique
Barfing more.
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A Mocking Proposal for Body Exchange
Clive/Jessica
I'll make you a deal. You just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, ok, then I'll give you your body back because it's soooo important to you. (mockingly) Waa, waa, I'm crying about my body! And then you can loan it to me every other weekend so I can pay off some gambling debts.
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Frustrations Over Delays and Missed Plans
April
Uh, Jessica has a...problem.
Keesha
She's only going to make us wait an hour this time?
Lulu
What about the class trip to Six Flags? She took so long in the bathroom we missed the bus.
Keesha
Our parents had to drive three hours to pick us up.
Jessica/Clive
I had my period, OK!
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Humorous Commentary on Male Attraction
Jessica/Clive
Ooooh check out the sweet buns on that guy! I'd like to get my hands on those...(trails off as he notices the macho bartender glaring at him, and then continues)...and wish they were womens breasts. I'd squeeze the hell out of em. Maybe put a steak on em. Cause I'm a GUY. And that's what GUYS like me LIKE TO DO!
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Fairness in Grading and Historical Accuracy
Teacher
Now, I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only "A".
Jessica
That's not fair. She's the only one who was actually there.
Eden
Hexum maleficium spiritum sanctum nostradamus!
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Misunderstanding in a Serious Situation
April
So uh, can I see it?
Jessica/Clive
I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here!
April
I'm sorry...Can I see it?
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