7 quotes
Hostel Antics and Awkward Encounters
Will
(voiceover) The hostel was laid-back, cool and the kind of place where anything goes. Anything except, it seemed, deodrant.
Will
Smells a bit in here.
Jay
Shotgun. (laughing) Unlucky. Top-bunk wankers. Oh, fuck off, Neil. I want some little hottie above me, not your rotting arsehole.
Neil
I just wanna be near you.
Will
I’ve been thinking about it. Do we really need to go to Splash Planet?
Jay
Yes. Yes, we do.
Will
But it’s so tacky and gaudy and full of idiots.
Neil
It’s my lifetime’s ambition.
Will
You first mentioned it yesterday.
Neil
Don’t kill my dreams, Will.
Katie
Oh! Hello, nutter. You made it. (kisses Will) So, er, what are you up to tomorrow? Any plans?
Will
We thought we might travel somewhere ethical, an Aboriginal…cave.
Katie
Ah, that’s a shame. I’m going to Splash Planet. It looks brilliant.
Will
It does, doesn’t it?
Simon
You just said it was tacky.
Will
What? Shut up.
Jay
You said it was full of idiots. Are you an idiot, Katie?
Will
They’re being funny. (to Jay, Neil and Simon) Stop being so funny, you guys.
Katie
Well, I must be an idiot, then, because I think it looks amazing. I can get you tickets if you like.
Will
Really? Fantastic. Four, please.
Katie
Cool. Done. Right, I’m gonna go and sit by the fire. Fancy coming?
Will
Yeah. I just need to Skype home first. My mother worries.
Katie
Crazy. Right, well, I’ll see you in a bit, then.
Will
(to Simon) You all right?
Simon
Wait, I’m thinking.
Will
About what?
Simon
Wait.
Will
What is it?
Simon
I’m trying to think if anyone has ever said anything less cool to a girl than “My mother worries.”
Simon
Bye.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Room Commentary Among Friends
Will
Oh, not again!
Neil
Is your room in space?
Will
Thank you, arseholes!
Simon
They’ve done a pretty good job, to be fair.
Will
I fucking hate it here.
Neil
To be honest, I’m glad I chose not to do uni.
Will
More reality than a choice.
Neil
Exactly.
Will
Maybe we should go to Australia.
Neil
And surprise the fuck out of Jay!
Will
I was joking.
Neil
Why? It's got to be better than hanging round old men’s pubs and dressing up like magic.
Simon
Yeah. We get four weeks off for Easter. I dread spending it with Lucy.
Will
Can we afford it?
Simon
Will, they invented student loans so students could go on holiday.
Neil
And I got a sweet bonus this month. Apparently, I’m the cleverest non-Asian in the department.
Will
I suppose I have always wanted to go travelling. I think I’d be really good at it, do it properly, not like Jay.
Simon
How can you be good at it?
Will
Well, he’s staying in one place. I’d explore, meet people, come back a better and more rounded person.
Neil
He’s getting sucked off every morning.
Will
Fuck it, I’m in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion about the Sydney Opera House
Neil
What the fuck is that?
Simon
What?
Neil
That fucking thing.
Will
The Sydney Opera House?
Neil
No, that thing, the spaceship. The spaceship there.
Will
Well, that’s the sightseeing done. We need to find this club.
Neil
Hang on. Got a signal now. Googlemappage to the rescue. It's this way. (Phone bleeps) No way! That just cost me 20 quid.
Will
Data roaming charges are pretty extortionate abroad, Neil.
Neil
Well, I’ll just stand still, then.
Will
That’s not really how it works.
Neil
(Phone bleeps again) Another 20 quid? I’m not roaming now, you useless piece of shit!
Simon
Just switch it off, Neil.
Neil
Agh! (tossing his phone on the floor switching off and he picks his phone up that has a crack on it) Thanks a lot, Si. It’s fucked now.
Simon
Not sure that was strictly my fault.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dolphins: Clever but Greedy Creatures
Will
(voiceover) They say dolphins are clever, but what they don’t tell you is, they’re also greedy little bastards. Meanwhile Jay and Simon were sticking to their terrible plan.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Decline of Nudgies and Animal Lessons
Will
(voiceover) Nudgies was fast becoming no-one’s favourite game. Meanwhile, Neil was teaching animals only slightly cleverer than him that there’s more to life than fish.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Attempting to Impress a Romantic Interest
Will
(voiceover) Meanwhile, I was trying to impress a girl I’d recently fingered to sleep.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings and Morning Munchies Among Friends
Will
(voiceover) After I’d explained to everyone that it was my rape alarm, and once they’d stopped laughing, we got some sleep. The next morning, Simon was the first person in history to get the munchies ten hours after smoking a joint.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.