14 quotes
Existence and Choice in Dialogue
Hamlet
To be...
[''Laurence Harvey, onstage'']
Youngman
I've seen it.
[''loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy'']
Hamlet
Or not to be... that is the question.
Youngman
], right?
[[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]
Guy
Right, and double right.
[''whispers, eyes toward the stage'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Game of Money and Opportunity
Traffic warden #27
What's your game, Mister?
Guy
Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play?
[''riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Instructions for Deck Evacuation on the Magic Christian
Announcer on Magic Christian
Go to B-Deck immediately! I repeat: Go to C-Deck immediately!
[''as the 'Magic Christian' starts to sink'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Teaching and Punishment
Youngman
You're certainly putting everybody on today, Dad.
Guy
Well, you know, Youngman. Sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause.
Youngman
Cause for pause?
Guy
Yes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Routine or Harassment: A Delicate Balance
Guy
Could be routine, or... mere damnable harassment.
[''a police car drives up to Grand's car'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Surprising Offer of Thirty Thousand Pounds
Guy
In that case, my final offer is 30.
[''on being told a Rembrandt might fetch $10,000 at auction'']
Mr. Dougdale
Thirty - thousand - pounds? Shit! I beg your pardon, I do beg your pardon.
[''stunned'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Imagining Atrocities and Strange Behavior
Ginger
Ah! My Second World War ] atrocity book came at last.
[[Nazism|Nazi; ''turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book'']
Ginger
Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr. Thorndike!
Guy
What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal?
[''overhearing'']
Ginger
The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Authority in Perspective
Guy
This chap's taking license in my view?
[''Lawrence Harvey performs a strip tease while playing Hamlet'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Nature of Words and Corruption
Youngman
Dad, do you think words corrupt?
Guy
I don't know, let's try. Agnes?
Agnes
Yes?
[''looks up from the television'']
Guy
Nipple.
Agnes
Shh!
[''turns back to the television'']
Guy
Well, there's no immediate physical change.
[''watches her for a moment'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature and Influence of Money
Guy
Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations — like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily, I have enough for ALL of us.
[''voiceover, as a $10 note appears onscreen'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Generational Perspectives on Changing Times
John
It would never have happened in my day!
[''Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race'']
Guy
Nor mine!
Youngman
Well, it's happening in mine!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion About Rembrandt and School Preferences
Guy
I like school of Rembrandt.
[''as he and Youngman admire a painting'']
Youngman
St. Rembrandt's High.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seeking Relief Through Medication and Discontent
Herbert
If you could please just give me some tranquilizers...
[''pleads with Laurence, the ship's doctor'']
Laurence
Escape into drugs? Mask your fears in an artificial fog? Oh, surely you can't be serious.
Herbert
Oh, well... give me some decent English aspirin!
Laurence
Here, Sir Herb. Try this. It's just what the doctor ordered.
[''pulls out a lit marijuana joint'']
Herbert
What is it?
Laurence
It's cannabis, Sir Herb.
[''Herbert inhales, then chokes'']
Laurence
It'll tighten your wig.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty During a Ship's Concert
Esther
Youngman, what IS going on?
[''as all hell breaks loose, aboard the Magic Christian'']
Youngman
Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder.
[''innocently'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.