15 quotes
Constable Kockenlocker on Daughters
Constable Kockenlocker
Daughters. Phooey.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating the Funniest Movie Ever Made
Taglines
Here's The Funniest Movie Ever Made!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Blame and History in Morgan's Creek
Mr. Tuerck
Women are always trying to take the blame for men - it's what you call the mother instinct.
Gov. McGinty
This is the biggest thing that's happened in this state since we stole it from the Indians!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Comedic Celebration of Scandal and Laughter
Taglines
A Scanda-Laugh Fest!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seeking a Medium, Not a Lawyer
Mr. Johnson
I don't deal with spooks. She doesn't need a lawyer, she needs a Medium.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ethical dilemmas and practical solutions
Emmy Kockenlocker
It might be wrong, but it would be very handy.
[on taking out $900 from the bank in the middle of the night]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Father's Mind Compared to a Swamp
Emmy Kockenlocker
If you don't mind my mentioning it, Father, I think you have a mind like a swamp!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wisdom Across Generations: Understanding Parents' Experience
Constable Kockenlocker
The trouble with kids is they always figure they're smarter than their parents - never stop to think if their old man could get by for 50 years and feed em and clothe em - he maybe had something up here to get by with - things that seem like brain twisters to you might be very simple for him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings Surrounding a Marriage License
Newspaper editor
There's only one thing more, Mr. Governor - the marriage!
Gov. McGinty
What's the matter with the marriage? She's married to Norval Jones, she always has been! The guy married them, didn't he? The boy signed his right name, didn't he?
Newspaper editor
But he gave his name as Ratzkywatzky!
Gov. McGinty
He was trying to say Jones, he stuttered!
The Boss
What are you looking for, a needle from a haystack?
Newspaper editor
Then how about the first Ratzkywatzky?
Gov. McGinty
He's annulled!
The Boss
Shnook!
Newspaper editor
Who annulled?
Gov. McGinty
The judge, who do you suppose?
The Boss
Retroactive!
Gov. McGinty
Will you get Mendoza on the phone?
The Boss
I'm getting him.
Gov. McGinty
He's out of the picture!
The Boss
Was never in it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Warning of Consequences and Discovery
Constable Kockenlocker
Listen, Zipper-puss! Some day they're just gonna find your hair ribbon and an axe someplace. Nothing else! The Mystery of Morgan's Creek!
[to his 14-year-old daughter, gruffly but jokingly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reliability and Parental Expectations in Relationships
Norval Jones
Maybe we went for a ride after the movie and had a flat. It's old, but it's reliable.
[trying to think of an excuse for not getting Trudy home until 8 AM]
Trudy Kockenlocker
Oh, I don't think Papa goes for that one. He makes you show the patch.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marriage Responsibilities and Gender Roles
Mr. Johnson
The responsibility for recording a marriage has always been up to woman. If it wasn't for her, marriage would have disappeared long since. No man is going to jeopardize his present or poison his future with a lot of little brats hollering around the house unless he's forced to. It's up to the woman to knock him down, hogtie him, and drag him in front of two witnesses immediately if not sooner. Anytime after that is too late.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Determined to Pursue Legal Action Anytime
Mr. Johnson
I practice the law. I'm not only willing, but anxious, to sue anyone, anytime, for anything.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Frustrating Exchange Between Characters
Emmy
That's not being very helpful.
Constable Kockenlocker
What do you want me to do? Learn to knit?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Names in Conversation
Norval Jones
W-what was his first name?
Trudy Kockenlocker
You mean Ratzkywatzky?
Norval Jones
N-n-naturally.
Trudy Kockenlocker
Does he have to have a first name?
Norval Jones
Of course he has to have a first name. Everybody has a first name. Even dogs have first names, even if they don't have any last names.
Trudy Kockenlocker
Well, I don't know. I had an uncle named Roscoe.
Norval Jones
Roscoe, Roscoe, he eats them alive!
Trudy Kockenlocker
What?
Norval Jones
That - that's a snake eater's name.
Trudy Kockenlocker
Well, it was my uncle's name.
Norval Jones
Well, how about Hugo?
Trudy Kockenlocker
Oh, phooey!
Norval Jones
Well, how about Otis? That was...
Trudy Kockenlocker
Oh, phooey!
Norval Jones
That was my father's name.
Trudy Kockenlocker
Oh, I'm sorry.
Norval Jones
Well, it doesn't matter. You can call him Montmorency for all I care.
Trudy Kockenlocker
Oh, phooey!
Norval Jones
Well, what goes good with Ratzkywatzky?
Trudy Kockenlocker
Nothing!
Norval Jones
How about Ignatz?
Trudy Kockenlocker
Ignatz? You'd have to take a b-b-bicarbonite with that.
Norval Jones
Ignatz Ra-ra-ratzkywatzky. That - that fits alright.
Trudy Kockenlocker
Oh, phooey!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.