The Monster Squad (1987) - Quotes

Taglines: Every 100 years, the forces of darkness arise to challenge the forces of light for control of all mankind. This is the year. Tonight is the night. But this time, Dracula has bitten off more than he can chew.

Taglines: Never send a man to do a kid's job.

Taglines: The end of the world starts at midnight.

Taglines: Call them for a monstrously good time.

Taglines: You know who to call when you have ghosts. But who do you call when you have monsters?

E.J.: Hey, Fat Kid! Good job!

Horace: [cocks shotgun] My name...Is Horace!

Sean: [To Horace] Kick him in the nards!

Horace: What?!

Sean: KICK HIM IN THE NARDS!

Horace: He doesn't have nards!

Sean: [frantically] Do it, DO IT!!!

Horace: [awestruck] Wolf Man's got nards!

Scary German Guy: [as Sean, Patrick, and Horace are leaving Scary German Guy's house; points to mirror, where he is clearly visible] I expect you boys thought I was some kind of monster myself, mm? A vampire, perhaps? That's quite all right. But I am not, you know. If I were a vampire, then I wouldn't have a reflection... ... now would I?

Horace: Man, you sure know a lot about monsters.

Scary German Guy: [Scary German Guy closes door, revealing a concentration camp tattoo on his wrist] Now that you mention it, I suppose I do.

Patrick: [about Scary German Guy] Maybe he's a German spy.

Sean: Oh good one! We're not at war with Germany anymore.

Phoebe: We're at war with Vietnam.

Sean: What?

Phoebe: [[Rambo] It's in ]!

Horace: You guys, guess what happened!

Sean: [collects himself] Whoa, Fat Kid...

Horace: Rudy saved my life! Do you think we can talk him into joining the monster club? Can we?

Sean: Huddle.

Patrick: Sean, he's in junior high.

Phoebe: I heard he killed his dad.

Horace: Get outta here, "Phoebe the Feeb"!

Sean: We should let him in on one condition...

Sean/Patrick/Horace: [in unison] Monster test.

Sean: Wolf Man can not drive a car.

Patrick: Yes, he can.

Sean: No, he can't.

Patrick: Yes, he can; look, all I'm saying is, Sean, he could if he had to.

Sean: He could not! You're being such a dork!

Patrick: I know you are, but what am I?

Sean: A dork.

Patrick: I know you are, but what am I?

Sean: [sees his younger sister Phoebe approach and eventually join them; Then, to Patrick once again] Oh great, Phoebe. A dork.

Patrick: I know you are, but what am I?

Sean: A dork.

Patrick: I know you are, but what am I?

Sean: [annoyed] Infinity! Look, Wolf Man doesn't go to work. He's not like a guy.

Patrick: What're you talking about? He walks around, he wears pants.

Sean: [He and Phoebe walk on ahead] He had to wear pants, those movies were made in the Forties! He had to wear em so you wouldn't see his......wolf dork!

Patrick: [comes to a complete halt and lifts his sunglasses to stare at Sean in disbelief. Then, incredulously...] Wolf dork"?!