The Nice Guys (2016) - Quotes

A Simple Case, A Major Crime

Taglines: A simple case, is the crime of the century.

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Unmasking the True Nature of Kindness

Taglines: They're not that nice

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Unexpected Reactions in a Chaotic Moment

March: To the birds?

Healy: Hallelujah!

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Perspectives on Pain and Mortality

March: Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt.

Healy: People got hurt.

March: I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt.

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Unexpected Recognition in a Hasty Encounter

March: You seen Chet, the projectionist?

Buddy: Yeah, he just left like 10 minutes ago, went for a drink. And you are?

March: In a hurry. Thanks, buddy.

Buddy: How'd you know my name was Buddy?

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Sisterly Conflicts and Unexpected Situations

Holland March: [''to Holly''] You're supposed to be at Jessica's.

Jessica: Yeah, sorry, Mr. March. My sister kicked us out. She's having a guy over.

Holland March: Your sister's such a slut.

Jessica: Yeah, I know.

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A Warning of Imminent Danger

Healy: John Boy. Oh, just something that Blueface mentioned, yeah.

March: What do you mean, he mentioned? Mentioned how?

Healy: Oh, you know, he... "There's a guy coming to kill you." That kind of crap. Yeah.

March: We should probably just stay here.

Healy: Smart move.

Healy: [''pauses''] Unless, of course, he's up there killing her right now.

March: Nobody's getting killed at the Burbank Airport Hotel.

Healy: Because?

March: That would be national news.

Healy: Yeah, so?

March: Oh, so when's the last time you were on national news?

Healy: February.

March: Really?

Healy: Yeah.

March: For what?

Healy: I got shot, in a diner.

March: Where?

Healy: In my arm. I told you this last night.

March: We should call the cops.

Healy: No. It'll take too long.

March: You just said it was the right move to stay down here.

Healy: No, I said smart move. Different.

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Marriage and Bodyguards in New York Business

Bartender: Guys, listen. You don't go up there, all right? Trust me. These New York guys are up there. Uh, business guys. They got fucking bodyguards. Kind of had their balls removed. What's that called? Huh?

Healy: Marriage?

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Questioning Detective Skills

Holly March: You're the world's worst detective.

Holland March: I'm the worst?

Holly March: Yeah!

Holland March: The world's worst?

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A Conversation About Work and Interests

Healy: Hey, that's where I know you from, right? The TV. You're prosecuting that car company thing.

Kuttner: The lawsuit for the catalytic converter. Yes. That's half my day. The other half I spend on pornography.

Healy: Hmm.

March: What kind? Like which films? What's your favorite?

Healy: No, no. Uh, anti. Anti-porn.

March: Right.

Healy: Like a crusader.

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Identity and Confusion in Justice Department Encounter

Kuttner: My name is Judith Kuttner. I work for the Department of Justice.

March: Okay. Well, that explains basically nothing.

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Poolside Confusion Between Characters

March: I was in the pool.

Healy: You were in the pool?

March: Yeah.

Healy: Why?

March: I had to question the mermaids. What were you doing while I was working?

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Struggling with a Body and Alcohol

Healy: You didn't fall down the fucking hill, did you? Did you fall down the hill?

March: I had, like, two, three drinks, tops.

Healy: Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight.

March: Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov.

Healy: [[Mikhail Baryshnikov|Baryshnikov] You can't even say ].

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Loss of Smell in a Smoky Situation

Healy: The place reeks of marijuana. They're smoking it.

March: I can't smell.

Healy: What?

March: I got hit in the head a while back. I lost my sense of smell.

Healy: You can't smell?

March: Yeah.

Healy: You're a detective, and you can't smell?

March: Yeah.

Healy: Aw, this just keeps getting better and better.

March: Wow, that's really insensitive.

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A Lesson on Language from Father to Daughter

Holly March: Dad, there's like whores here and stuff.

Holland March: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff". Just say "dad, there are whores here".

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Skepticism About Eyewitness Testimony

Healy: So, you know the old lady, right? Did you believe her?

March: What about?

Healy: When she said she saw Misty alive that night, did you believe her?

March: God, no. She's blind as a bat.

Healy: Uh-huh.

March: [[w:Omar Sharif|Omar Sharif] She has actual coke bottles for glasses. You paint a mustache on a Volkswagen, she says, "Boy, that ] sure runs fast.

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Unexpected Offer from a Kid on a Bike

Kid on Bike: You guys wanna see my dick?

March: Nobody wants to see your dick, dude.

Kid on Bike: 20 bucks?

March: We already paid you 20... what am I saying?

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Disagreement on Death and Seriousness

1 Protestor: We can't talk to you. We're dead.

March: No I— Yeah I get it. You know. I think it's very clever. I'm hip. But this is actually a really serious matter.

1 Protestor: So is this! We've all been killed!

March: No you haven't.

2 Protestor: Fuck you man, we're dead!

Healy: [''to bystander''] What's the protest about, do you know?

Bystander: [''to protesters''] Any of you know why you're protesting?

2 Protestor: The air!

Bystander: [''to Healy''] Air.

March: You are protesting the air?

2 Protestor: The pollution! The birds can't breathe!

Healy: So all of you died cause of the pollution?

2 Protestor: [''nodding''] Right.

Healy: What about the gas masks? They didn't... save you?

March: [''when the guy can't answer Healy's question''] This is fucking... Alright!

3 Protestor: [''screams in pain and pulls her hand''] Fucker!

March: Sorry. I thought you were dead.

No Animals Allowed Inside the House

Holly March: [''Healy is waiting outside''] Why don't we invite him in?

Holland March: No animals in the house, sweetheart.

Divine References in Everyday Conversations

Holland March: Jesus Christ! One at a time!

Janet: You took the Lord's name in vain.

Holland March: No I didn't, Janet. I found it very useful actually. Ok, Janet?

Asparagus and Honesty in Relationships

1 Party Girl: All I told him was that if you want me to do that, then don't eat the asparagus.

Pornookio: It's not my nose that grows.

A Reckless Decision Leads to Unexpected Joy

Jackson Healy: So I did something about it. I acted. I didn't plan to, I didn't, you know. I just did it. I took that guy out. I didn't even get paid for it. So I ended up with a bullet in the bicep and 500 bucks of hospital bills. It was stupid, really. When I think about it, it was the best day of my life.

Marriage as a Hostile Investment

Jackson Healy: Marriage is buying a house for someone you hate.

Belief in Invincibility and Its Logic

Holland March: I think I'm invincible. It's the only thing that makes sense. I don't think I can die.

Following Orders and Historical Consequences

Holland March: You know who else was just following orders? Adolf Hitler.

Questioning the Purpose of Adult Film Storylines

Holland March: So you're telling me you made a porno where the point is the plot?

Exclamation of Frustration and Surprise

Holland March: Jesus tap-dancing Christ!

Searching for Amelia's Identity

Holland March: [''intoxicated''; ''makes height gesture with his hand''; ''sees topless mermaid swimming in pool''] Hi everyone, I'm Amelia. She's about... Dark hair. Answers to... the call of the wild. Just kidding. I forgot her name, but you know, if you see you, just... if you see, let me know, and tell me... tell me my name.

Facing Realities of a Harsh World

Holland March: That's what my daughter's got to deal with, the Chets of the world, and that fucking kid.

A Bold Offer for Quick Cash

Holland March: All right, which one of you cock-and-balls wants to make twenty bucks?

Frustration with a Character Named Chet

Holland March: [''repeated line''] Fucking Chet.

Life in a Cesspool of Chaos

Holland March: I work in a cesspool. Sex, more sex. My wife, she used to say I make a living off rumpy-pumpy. Whatever. She was English. I don't know what the fuck it means either.