The Pagemaster (1994) - Quotes

Voice cast: [[Leonard Nimoy] ] as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Voice cast: [[Frank Welker] ] as Horror

Voice cast: [[Whoopi Goldberg] ] as Fantasy

Voice cast: [[Patrick Stewart] ] as Adventure

Voice cast: [[Christopher Lloyd] ] as the Pagemaster

Live-action: [[w:Mel Harris|Mel Harris] ] as Claire Tyler

Live-action: [[w:Ed Begley, Jr.|Ed Begley, Jr.] ] as Alan Tyler

Live-action: [[Christopher Lloyd] ] as Mr. Dewey

Live-action: [[w:Macaulay Culkin|Macaulay Culkin] ] as Richard Tyler

Claire Tyler: [gasps as the car parks in front of Richard's bicycle, lying down; Alan stops the car; gets out; Alan gets out] I can't imagine where he could be. Maybe we should call the police. Alan! He's home! Alan.

Alan Tyler: [sees the sleeping Richard in the treehouse; goes up into the treehouse] It's impossible. Rich?

Claire Tyler: [goes up into the treehouse and takes Richard's signature glasses] We probably should put him in his bed.

Alan Tyler: [Claire goes down; uses hid coat as a blanket for Richard; turning off a lantern; kisses his head; goes down the treehouse; and inside the house with Claire; closes the door, leaves, and the living room light turn off] Let's let him sleep up here tonight. Love you, Richie. Good night, son.

Fantasy: Ah! A happy ending.

Adventure: Y'know what'd make this a real happy ending? A kiss.

Horror: Okay.

Adventure: Grr… I meant from her!

Richard Tyler: [on seeing the Pagemaster again] Hey! How did you get here?!

Fantasy: [through her teeth] Quit it! We're in the presence of the Pagemaster!

Richard Tyler: I know who he is. He's the one who did THIS to me! Do you have any idea what I've been through?!

Pagemaster: Tell me.

Richard Tyler: I was nearly torn apart by a crazy doctor! I was made a slave by a bunch of mangy pirates! And eaten! Got that?! Eaten! By a fire-breathing dragon!

Horror: He don't mean it, my Pagemaster. He don't mean it.

Richard Tyler: And not to mention being tossed, squashed, and scared practically to death!

Pagemaster: Yet you stand before me.

Richard Tyler: Well, yeah.

Pagemaster: Think, boy! What kind of an adventure would you have had if I brought you here with the turn of a page?

Dr. Jekyll: [morphs into Captain Ahab] You prevailed over evil.

Captain Ahab: [morphs into Long John Silver] Ah, you looked Moby Dick in the eye, boy.

Long John Silver: Ah, you had pirate stuff, me lad! And don't no one speak any different.

Pagemaster: [hologram morphs into the Dragon] If I hadn't brought you here from the start, you would never have found the courage to face your own fears. And in doing so, you triumph here...and always.

Richard Tyler: Hey, that's...That's me!

Pagemaster: That was you.

Adventure: He had a good heart, and he was braver than ye knew. I...I'd walk the plank if I thought it would bring ye back.

Horror: [wakes up] That's beautiful.

Richard Tyler: Where's Horror? Wasn't he with you?

Adventure: He was, but he...I mean, I sort of...uh..he, uh....

Fantasy: [angrily] Ohh, what did you say to him now?!

Adventure: Well, I-I...I just...uh, I'll go find him.

Fantasy: Yeah, you better go find him. And be quick about it!

Horror: Ahoy, matey! Aye, we're lusty, adventurous men.

Adventure: Go away. You don't know what you're talking about.

Horror: I...I know I'm not your favorite kind of book, but I could be just like you.

Adventure: [stops at his tracks, and yells angrily at Horror; storms off] You'll never be Adventure! Ye ain't got the spine for it! And take that stupid thing off!

Horror: [taking a bandana off his head] Sorry.

Adventure: [muttering] Oh, he thinks he can be a pirate...

Horror: [singing] Sixteen men on a dead man's stomach.

Fantasy: No, no! Chest! Chest!

Horror: [singing] Oh, uh, chest. Chest. Ah, hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, ha, ha! Yo, ho, ho! And a bottle of rum!

Richard Tyler: Aah! Aaaaaah...!

Tom Morgan: Evil spirits!

Horror: [jumping off the tree with a vine; knocks the pirates down, then landed on the ground] Hee, hee! SANCTUARY! Huh!

Richard Tyler: Horror, you are alive!

Tom Morgan: [using the gun with Horror] Not for long! Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!

Horror: Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Adventure: There goes me ticket out of here! Uh...

Crows Nest Pirate: LAND HOOOOO! LAND HOOOO!

Horror: So, do I think I'm scaring it? He shouldn't swim right after eating you know, he'll get cramps.

Adventure: Where did he go?

Richard Tyler: Aah!

Adventure: Row! Row for your lives!

Richard Tyler: [sees Moby Dick] AAH!!!!

Adventure: Abandon Ship-!

Richard Tyler, Horror, Fantasy, Adventure: [bites off the boat] Waa-hooooooh!

Richard Tyler: [screams; falls down to the water and crashed; coughs in water] AAH-!!! Guys! Where are you?!

Richard Tyler: Are we yet in the library?

Adventure: Aye, lad. The horror section.

Richard Tyler: It looks pretty eerie.

Adventure: [doesn't sound too sure] That it does, mate. Just stick close to me and you've had nothing to worry about.

Richard Tyler: There it is! The exit!

Adventure: Looks like the only road to reach the exit is through that far house.

Richard Tyler: [swallows hard] No way I'm going in there.

Adventure: It's your only chance, boy. It's only a house.

Richard Tyler: Yes, but seventeen percent of all incidents are household related.

Adventure: C'mon down, ya dog-eared scalawag!

Fantasy: [with that said, she flies up after the little book] Oh, put that fact away. You're frightening him. Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Horror: I know why you shrieked. It's because I'm horrible. I frightened you!

Fantasy: Do I look afraid?

Horror: You mean you're not afraid?

Fantasy: Of course not. C'mon down.

Fantasy: You mustn't judge a book by its cover.

Adventure: [tired of waiting; takes a step closer to the haunted house] Alright. Teatime's over. Let's start navigating this house.

Horror: [jumps out of Richard's arms] No! Don't go in there! It's eerie inside!

Adventure: Ha! I ain't a-feared of nothing!

Horror: I'm afraid.

Richard Tyler: [Horror begins to list his fears one by one on his crooked, triple-jointed fingers] Of what? I know how you feel.

Horror: Horror always has sad endings.

Fantasy: I come from a world of happy endings. Why don't you come with us?

Horror: Th-Through the house? I don't know...

Fantasy: You can do it.

Crow: Nevermore!

Richard Tyler: He-hello? Is anybody home?

Dr. Jekyll: May I assist you in some way?

Fantasy: Hello, Mr.-

Dr. Jekyll: Doctor. Doctor Jekyll.

Richard: Well, sir, we did ring the bell.....

Horror: It's all my fault. I was trying to help them find their road to the other side of the house.

Dr. Jekyll: [Richard nods. Dr. Jekyll places his arm around Richard and leads him deeper into the house] The other side? My boy, I derive no pleasure in warning you that you are in extreme danger.

Richard: Danger?

Dr. Jekyll: Even as we speak, lurking in this room waiting to strike are forces of evil.

Dr. Jekyll: Every man has possessed of both good and evil. But enough of that. Anyone care for a drink?

Fantasy: Dr. Jekyll? Dr. J?

Mr. Hyde: My name...is Mr. Hyde!

Adventure: The stairs, mateys! The stairs!

Horror: [trapped in the chandelier] Help, Master! Don't leave me! That's no way to treat a library book. Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

Fantasy: You have to help Him.

Richard: What's going on?

Horror: Ghost Stories.

Adventure: I heard that! And I would let you know, I'm a Classic!

Fantasy: Mm-hmm, a classic misprint.

Adventure: [slips off; falls to the ground] Why, you old sea serpent! I'll rip out your pages, and use them for-! OH NO! MAN OVERBOARD!

Richard Tyler: [really freaking out] Do something!

Fantasy: [gives you a blast of wand, then Adventure falls and crashed down] Hmm... Oops. Ha, ha, I forgot my wand doesn't always work outside of the fantasy section.

Richard Tyler: You mean you can't wish us to the exit?

Fantasy: [to Richard, angrily] What are you doing, grabbing me like that and messing up my pantyhose? Hmph! Now I gotta straight out my Little Mermaid underwear.

Richard Tyler: [putting his glasses back on] Wh-Who are you?

Fantasy: [gruff; starts over; sweet] I'm Fantasy! Oh! Ahem. I'm Fantasy.

Mr. Dewey: Welcome to the library, young man. Don't tell me, you're here for a special book.

Richard Tyler: Uh, Mister...

Mr. Dewey: [starts speaking magically] Stop, stop stop, let me guess. I have a talent for guessing what people need. You're in need of... a fantasy. Brave knights, mythical faeries, ferocious dragons.

Richard Tyler: Look, all I want is...

Mr. Dewey: [grabbing him and speaking excitedly] Adventure! Of course, you're a boy who loves adventure, brimming with wicked demons, cutthroat pirates.

Richard Tyler: No, no. That's not it.

Mr. Dewey: [speaking scarily while creeping toward him; back to normal voice] Horror. Ahh, horror. Evil demons, wretched monsters, haunted houses, graveya-a-rds. Yes, it's horror for you, boy. I'm sure of it. Your library card, please.

Richard Tyler: Uh, I don't have one.

Mr. Dewey: [makes a library card appear magically] You do now.

Richard Tyler: Can't argue with statistics, Dad.

Alan Tyler: Statistics. Here's something you can do: go down to Gutman's Hardware Store, buy a pound of these.

Richard Tyler: But, Dad...

Alan Tyler: [with a five-dollar-bill; gives money to Richard] Son, you can't live your life based on statistics. You've gotta take some chances. Now come on, Buddy. You can do this.

Richard Tyler: [leaving his parents behind; to himself] This is not good. Definitely not good.

Claire Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] Alan, every ten-year-old is afraid of something.

Alan Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] The kid's afraid of tuna-fish sandwiches.

Claire Tyler: Mercury levels in the tuna.

Alan Tyler: Whatever.

Claire Tyler: Alan, the world is a frightening place to him right now. I think we could be a little more supportive.

Alan Tyler: [offscreen; Claire turns on a light; looks at the treehouse on a dark and stormy night] Supportive? I'm the most supportive father on earth, but I'm running out of supportive things to do. I signed him up for Little League, he drove everybody crazy with statistics about how you can develop tumors from being hit in the head with a ball. Did you know that shin splints can lead to blood clots in the legs? Claire, he brought in a medical journal. Nobody wanted to play after that. And now I'm building him a tree house, in a tree he refuses to climb.

Claire Tyler: You know he hates heights.

Alan Tyler: I don't know. I just want to be a good father.

Claire Tyler: But you are a good father.

Richard Tyler: [renewed catchphrase in confidence] Good. That was definitely good.

Richard Tyler: I was nearly torn apart by a crazy doctor, made into a slave by a bunch of mangy pirates, and eaten- got that? -eaten by a fire-breathing dragon!

Richard Tyler: (to the Dragon before being swallowed and overcoming fear of being eaten) I’m not scared of you!

Richard Tyler: I lost my library card. I can't check anybody out. We'll never get to the exit now.

Richard Tyler: Thanks, but I have already a family. I really should be getting home now.

Richard Tyler: You guys are the only friends I've ever had.

Richard Tyler: Dad, 8% of all household accidents involve ladders, another 3% involve trees. We're looking at another 30% probability here.

Richard Tyler: [repeated line in fear and doubt] This is not good. Definitely not good.