31 quotes
Curiosity About a New Handsome Man
Princess Centimillia
Look at that very handsome man. I wonder who he is. I don't think I've seen him around before. I thought I knew all the handsome men in this village.
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Nothing is Permanent Except Roosevelt
Princess Centimillia
I'd marry Captain McGloo tomorrow, even with that name.
John D. Hackensacker III
And divorce him the next month.
Princess Centimillia
Nothing is permanent in this world - except for Roosevelt.
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The Complexity of Attraction and Perception
Tom Jeffers
So this fellow gave you the look?
Gerry Jeffers
At his age it was more of a blink.
Tom Jeffers
Seven hundred dollars! And sex didn't even enter into it, I suppose?
Gerry Jeffers
Oh, but of course it did, darling. I don't think he would have given it to me if I had hair like Excelsoir and little short legs like an alligator. Sex always has something to do with it, dear...From the time you're about so big, and wondering why your girlfriends fathers are getting so arch all of a sudden. Nothing wrong, just an overture to the opera that's coming...but from then on, you get it from cops, taxi drivers, bell boys, delicatessen dealers...
Tom
Got what?
Gerry
The Look! You know: How's about this evening, babe?
[She mimics with a roll of her eyes.]
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Inquiry About a Pretty Girl
Princess Centimillia
Hello, Snoodles, where'd you get the pretty girl?
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Invisible Bonds in Marriage
Geraldine Jeffers
You're married to me; that's like saying, you're blind to me. For a long time, I've been a part of you, just something to snuggle up to and keep you warm at night, like a blanket, but you can't see me any more than you can see the back of your neck.
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Critique of Tipping in American Culture
John D. Hackensacker III
Tipping is un-American.
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The Power of a Long-Legged Gal
Geraldine Jeffers
You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything.
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Embracing Authenticity in Social Interactions
Geraldine Jeffers
You're not being rude, dear, you're just being yourself.
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The End of Love and Habits
Geraldine Jeffers
Well, you know we don't love each other anymore. We're just habits, bad habits...And when love's gone, there's nothing left but admiration and respect.
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Embracing Love with a Touch of Madness
Princess Centimillia
Of course, I'm crazy, I'll marry anybody.
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Critique of Staterooms in America
John D. Hackensacker III
Staterooms are un-American.
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Conversation on Limited Topics
Tom
Don't you ever talk about anything but Topic A?
Princess Centimillia
Is there anything else?
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Adventuress vs. Adventurer: A Nautical Debate
Gerry
I may not even get married again. I might become an adventuress.
Tom
I can just see you starting for China on a twenty-six foot sail boat.
Gerry
You're thinking of an adventurer, dear. An adventuress never goes on anything under three hundred feet with a crew of eighty.
Tom
Well, you just let me catch you on a 300-foot yacht or even a 200-foot yacht.
Gerry
At least I wouldn't have to worry about the rent.
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Missed Connections and Regrets
Princess Centimillia
Captain, we should have met sooner, and if I'd seen you around, we would have!
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The Nature of Dependency and Affection
Princess Centimillia
You will care for me, though. I grow on people. Like moss.
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A Husband's Frustration with a Foolish Comment
Tom Jeffers
That's my wife, you dumb cluck!
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Finding Balance in Life Choices
Gerry
You see, by yourself, you could live so simply. I mean, just a little room anywhere, or maybe move in with your brother, or even use the couch in your office. And you wouldn't keep slipping back all the time. You could balance what you earned, and look the world in the eye, and maybe even get ahead a little.
Tom
Thanks. And what would you be doing?
Gerry
Oh, that's no problem. You can always find a good provider if you really want one. He may not look like a movie star, but then...
Tom
We'll get ahead someday.
Gerry
But I don't want it someday. I want it now while I can still enjoy it. Anyway, men don't get smarter as they grow older, they just lose their hair.
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Locked Doors and Sleeping Arrangements
Tom
Funny having to sleep with a sitting-room between us.
Gerry
And the doors locked.
Tom
You don't have to worry about that.
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Generational Misunderstandings and Family Reputation
Gerry
You're not a burglar, are you?
John D. Hackensacker III
Oh no, that was my grandfather. At least that's what they called him.
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Acknowledgment of Chivalry in Conversation
Gerry
Thank you for your chivalry.
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The Irony of Life's Inequities
John D. Hackensacker III
That's one of the tragedies of this life - that the men who are most in need of a beating up are always enormous.
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A Conversation About Fashion and Accessories
Tom
Where'd you get that dress?
Gerry
Why, that's what I've been telling you about!
Tom
What's that on your wrist?
Gerry
It's just what you think it is, dear.
Tom
What kind of stones are those?
Gerry
Just what they look like.
Tom
Do you know what it feels like to be strangled by bare hands?
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First Impressions Can Be Misleading
John D. Hackensacker III
You know Maude, somebody meeting you for the first time, not knowing you were cracked, might get the wrong impression of you.
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The End of Chivalry
John D. Hackensacker III
Chivalry is not only dead, it's decomposed.
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Acknowledging Generational Differences and Mortality
John D. Hackensacker III
No, I'm not my grandfather, of course. He's dead, anyway.
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The Paradox of Marrying a Stranger
John D. Hackensacker III
You don't marry someone you just met the day before; at least I don't.
Princess Centimillia
But that's the only way, dear. If you get to know too much about them you'd never marry them.
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Unexpected Pleasures in Confrontation
Gerry
I would step on your face!
John D. Hackensacker III
That's quite all right, I rather enjoyed it.
Gerry
Twice!
John D. Hackensacker III
You made quite an impression.
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Beyond Material Identity and Expectations
Geraldine Jeffers
I don't begin and end with a smelter, you know.
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Marriage, Ambition, and Practicality in Conflict
Gerry
Can't you ever learn to be practical? Don't you know that the greatest men in the world have told lies and let things be misunderstood if it was useful to them? Didn't you ever hear of a campaign promise?
Tom
The way you are is the way you have to be, honey. That's the way I am and if I'm supposed to be a flop...
Gerry
You're not going to be a flop. Nobody's who's been married to me for five years is going to be a flop. You're going to get your airport if I have to build it for you myself - after I'm married.
Tom
After you're married. It's a funny thing to hear your wife say.
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Unexpected Encounters Lead to Laughter
Tom
Where'd you meet this Weenie King?
Gerry
You'll die laughing!
Tom
All right, convulse me.
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Unexpected Reactions in Close Encounters
Tom
Why is your breath coming faster?
Gerry
Because you're squeezing me!
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