The Paper Brigade - Quotes

Henry's Insult to His Adversaries

Henry: And you're nothing but a bunch of good for nothin', SPAM for brains, two time losing, low rent hoods!

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Frustration Over Unexpected Vending Machine Outcome

Chad: [tries to start his car but sees he has no gas left] Empty? I just put two bucks in this thing!

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Introduction to The Paper Brigade

Crazy Man Cooper: What outfit you with, young man?

Gunther: [thinks for a moment] The Paper Brigade".

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Concern Over Missing Home Tonight

Gus: Sorry.

Fish: That's what I'm gonna tell your parents when you don't come home tonight!

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Importance of Timeliness in Community Service

Charlie: Gus, you’re late again.

Gus: Sorry.

Charlie: Gus, we offer a vital service to this community. The paper is their main source of news and other information. From the weather to today’s headlines, even the astrological forecast, it’s up to us to deliver. And on time.

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Unwanted Trivia and Morning Struggles

Charlie: Morning, Gunther. Ready?

Gunther: [groggily] The only thing I’m ready for is another four hours of sleep.

Fish: Did you know there are people with this extremely rare condition called chronic cholecystitis. They don’t sleep for up to five years.

Gunther: [irritated] Thank you, for that useless piece of trivia.

Fish: No problem whatsoever.

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Father and Son Share a Moment

Gunther: Hey, dad.

Mr. Wheeler: Hi.

Gunther: You got a minute?

Mr. Wheeler: Sure. What’s on your mind, son?

Gunther: I was just gonna tell you that…you and mom were right. This place really isn’t so bad.

Mr. Wheeler: Glad you’re starting to adjust.

Gunther: Yeah. You won’t hear me complaining about the move anymore.

Mr. Wheeler: Happy to hear that, Gunther.

Gunther: And um, I’m really gonna try harder to get my chores done, too.

Mr. Wheeler: You have been neglecting the pool.

Gunther: From now on, I’m gonna be 100 percent on top of it. I mean, I’ll go out there with a toothbrush and scrub the algae off the sides if I have to.

Mr. Wheeler: What is it you want, Gunther?

Gunther: I was hoping you would find it in your heart to give me...an advance on my allowance.

Mr. Wheeler: How much money are we talking about?

Gunther: Give or take...about 150 bucks?

Mr. Wheeler: The reason I push you so hard isn’t because I want to make your life miserable. I just want you to develop a sense of responsibility.

Gunther: You don’t know how much that means to me. You not giving up on me.

Mr. Wheeler: Yeah. We’ve been down this road before, haven’t we, Gunther? Out in the real world you wouldn’t get a dime. But, you are my son, and I do love you.

Gunther: I love you too, dad.

Mr. Wheeler: I’m probably sending a mixed message, but I’m gonna roll with you on this. I’ll give you the money.

Gunther: Dad, you’re the greatest!

Gunther: Will that be cash or check?

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