The Parent Trap (1998) - Quotes

Elizabeth: [thinking she is talking to her father, who has a newspaper up] Hey stranger.

Hallie: [puts down newspaper] Hey Mom, did you know that the Concorde gets you here in half the time?

Elizabeth: [flustered] Yes, I, I've heard that...

Annie: [after Hallie surprises Elizabeth and Annie by arriving in London and showing up at their home before Elizabeth and Annie do] What are you doing here?

Hallie: It took us about 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't wanna lose you two again.

Elizabeth: We?

Nick: [walking in from another room] We. I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not gonna do that again no matter how brave you are.

Elizabeth: And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we'll just figure this whole thing out. A bi-continental relationship with our daughters being raised here and there. And – And, you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together. And... and... come on, Nick, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?

Nick: Yes. To all of the above. Except you don't have to cry hysterically.

Elizabeth: [with tears in her eyes; they kiss] Oh, yes I do.

Hallie: We actually did it.

Meredith: [waking up, realizing she’s in the middle of the lake, screams and falls in the lake] Nicky!

Nick: Oh, man!

Nick: What's goin’ on?

Meredith: [wet from swimming back to shore; [Switzerland] Here's what's going on, buddy: the day we get married is the day I ship those brats off to ], get the picture? It's me, or them. Take your pick.

Nick: Them.

Meredith: Excuse me?

Nick: [staring into Meredith's face] T-H-E-M. Them. Get the picture?

Annie: Need a hand, Mer?

Meredith: Not from you, thank you. Don't think I can’t see past those angelic faces. One more trick from you two, and I promise I'll make your lives miserable from the day I say "I do". Got it?

Hallie: [[w:Cruella de Vil|Cruella] Got it, ].

Meredith: What did you call me?

Hallie: [A lizard is seen on top of her head] Nothing. Not a thing, Cruella. Oh, by the way, Mer. I think there's something on your head.

Nick: Hello, Liz.

Nick: Is there something going on here that I should know about? Because I'm stunned to see you. But, ah, you don't seem as stunned to see me. I mean I haven't seen or heard from you in what, 10, 11 years? And all of sudden on the very day that ...

Annie: [suddenly appearing, interrupting] Dad, I can explain why she's here.

Nick: Hallie, you know who this is?

Annie: Actually, yes. And actually, I'm not Hallie.

Hallie: [suddenly appearing] Actually, I am.

Nick: Both of them? Annie, Hallie?

Annie: I guess you and Mum kind of think alike because you both sent us to the same camp, and we met there, and the whole thing just sort of spilled out.

Elizabeth: They switched places on us, Nick.

Nick: You mean I've had Annie with me all this time?

Annie: Well, I wanted to know what you were like and Hallie wanted to know Mum and – are you angry?

Nick: [they hug] Oh, honey, of course not. I just can't believe it's you. Last time I saw you, you had diaper rash. You're all wet.

Annie: That's all right.

Nick: Look at you!

Annie: Well I'm quite grown up now and quite without a father.

Hallie: And I'm headed into my crazy mixed up teenage years and I'll be the only girl I know without a mother to fight with.

Nick: [Hallie nods; they hug] Hallie, you've been in London all this time? Come here, squirt.

Hallie: Mom's amazing, Dad. I don't know how you ever let her go.

Elizabeth: Girls, why-why don't you let your father and I talk alone for a couple of minutes, okay?

Hallie: [Annie and Hallie walk away] Take your time.

Chessy: Were they? OK, that's good. Ah, well then I'm just going to go back to my room and check out the ol’ minibar situation.

Martin: Allow me to assist you.

Elizabeth: Wait! Does everyone here know something I don't know?!

Annie: Mum... Daddy's getting married.

Annie: To Cruella de Vil – She's awful, Mom! We can't let him go through with it!

Hallie: [stops; to Annie] She's all wrong for him, Mom! And the only way he won't marry her is if... You tell her, she knows you better.

Annie: [sits down next to her mother] Is if he sees you again.

Elizabeth: Wait a minute... You're not trying to set me up with your father?!

Hallie: Actually, we are. You're perfect for each other!

Elizabeth: [notices both Martin and Chessy trying to sneak away] Hold it! You two knew about this?!

Chessy: [feigning ignorance] What?! Oh, no!

Martin: No! Madame, no! Absolutely no idea–!

Chessy: [Elizabeth gives them a look] No, no, no, no! I had no idea–! ...Yes. I did know something...

Martin: ...Yes. Technically, yes.

Chessy: I had an inkling, anyway...

Chessy: Hi, you probably don't remember me–

Elizabeth: [warmly; kisses her on the cheek] Chessy!

Chessy: [pleased; Closes the hotel room door] I knew I always liked her!

Elizabeth: Annie! Annie!

Hallie: That's where I have to go! I have to go see Annie!

Elizabeth: Oh, I see, and where might Annie be?

Hallie: In Napa, with her father Nick Parker.

Elizabeth: You're not Annie?

Hallie: That would be correct.

Elizabeth: You're Hallie?

Hallie: I am. Annie and I met up at camp and, and we decided to switch places. I'm sorry... but I've never seen you and I've dreamt of meeting you my whole life, and Annie felt the exact same way about Dad, so... so we sort of just switched lives. I hope you're not mad, because I love you so much, and I just hope that one day you could love me as me, and not as Annie.

Elizabeth: [kisses her] Oh, darling, I've loved you your whole life.

Martin: [in the doorway with Charles, sobbing] I've never been so happy in my entire life!

Nick: I told Hallie.

Meredith: You did? And?

Nick: She went ballistic. She started yelling in French – I didn't even know she spoke French!

Nick: Hal, come here. We have to talk.

Annie as Hallie: Okay, shoot.

Nick: Okay, honey... I wanna know what you think about making Meredith part of the family.

Annie as Hallie: Part of our family?

Nick: Yeah.

Annie as Hallie: I think it's an awesome idea. Inspired. Brilliant, really.

Nick: You do? Really? You do?

Annie as Hallie: Totally, it's like a dream come true. I've always wanted a big sister.

Nick: Oh... um... Honey, I think you're kind of missing the point.

Annie as Hallie: No, I'm not. You're gonna adopt Meredith. That's so sweet, Dad!

Nick: No, I'm not going to adopt her... I'm going to marry her.

Annie as Hallie: [leaps from her seat; starts ranting in French; translation: But you're joking, I hope. Meredith, she's not the girl for you. But it's not possible, I'm dreaming. What...] Marry her?! That's insane! How can you marry a woman young enough to be my big sister?! Mais tu plaisantes, j'espère. Meredith, ce n'est pas une fille pour toi. Mais c'est pas possible, je rêve. Qu'est-ce qui...

Nick Parker: [beat] Hal, Hal, Hal! Calm down, Hal! Are you speaking French?

Annie as Hallie: [takes a breath] I... I learned it at camp. Okay, I'm sorry. Let's discuss this calmly. Calmly and rationally.

Nick: Yeah, and in English, if you don't mind, right?

Annie as Hallie: Okay.

Nick: Sweetheart, what has gotten into you?

Annie as Hallie: Nothing, nothing, just... just... Dad, you can't get married! It'll totally ruin completely everything!

Nick: Hal! Hal! Hallie!

Chessy: [feigning ignorance; closes the windows] Don't look at me, I don't know a thing.

Annie as Hallie: [after a discussion about how Annie as Hallie seems different to Chessy] Chessy, I changed a lot over the summer, that's all.

Chessy: [unconvinced; stops herself] Okay... But if I didn’t know any better, I'd say it's almost like you were– Forget it, it's impossible.

Annie as Hallie: Almost if I were who, Chessy?

Chessy: Nobody, nobody, forget I mentioned it.

Annie: Almost if I were…Annie?

Chessy: [slowly turning around] You know about Annie?

Annie: [dropping her "Hallie" accent] I... am Annie.

Hallie: Oh my God, Mom's incredible! I cannot believe I lived my entire life without knowing her! Sh-She's beautiful, and fun, and smart, and I love the gowns she designs...!

Annie: [tries to interrupt] But–

Hallie: ...And I got her talking about how she and Dad first met! And, if you ask me, there's like a whole possibility, like–!

Annie: [desperately] Hallie, stop! We've got a major problem! You're going to have to bring Mother out here, immediately!

Hallie: Immediately?! Are you nuts?! I've only had one day with her! I'm just getting to know her. I can't... I won't!

Annie: But this is an emergency! Dad's in love!

Hallie: Get out of here! Dad doesn't fall in love! I mean, at least, not seriously...

Annie: Trust me, he's serious about this one. He's always holding her hand, and kissing her neck and waiting on her hand and foot!

Hallie: He is?

Annie: It's disgusting!

Hallie: Well, you'll just have to break em up! Sabotage her, do whatever you have to!

Annie: I'm trying, but I mean, I'm at a slight disadvantage; I only met the man 12 hours ago! Hal, you've got to get back here to help me!

Hallie: [holds up a cellophane-wrapped candy and gets an idea] Annie, I can't – I want more time with Mom!

Annie: [Hangs up] Thanks for the help, Hal.

Hallie as Annie: So, doesn't designing all these wedding gowns ever make you think about getting married again, or at least make you think about the "F" word?

Elizabeth: [surprised] The "F" word?

Hallie as Annie: My father.

Elizabeth: Oh! Oh, that "F" word! Well, no actually, because I didn't even wear a wedding gown when I married the "F" word.

Hallie as Annie: You didn't? Why not?

Elizabeth: Why the sudden curiosity about your dad, huh?

Hallie as Annie: Well, maybe because he's never mentioned? And you can't blame a kid for wondering. Mother, you can't avoid the subject forever. At least tell me what he was like.

Elizabeth: Okay. He was quite lovely, to tell you the truth. When we met he was... actually, entirely lovely.

Hallie as Annie: All right?

Elizabeth: All right.

Hallie as Annie: So, did you meet him here in London?

Elizabeth: We met on the Q.E. 2.

Hallie as Annie: Q.E. what?

Elizabeth: The Queen Elizabeth II. It's an ocean liner that sails from London to New York... cause I wasn't keen on flying then, and neither was your father. We met our first night on board ship. We were seated next to each other at dinner. He's an American, you know.

Hallie as Annie: [feigning ignorance] No kidding? So, was it love at first sight?

Elizabeth: [sighs in mock-exasperation] I knew you were going to ask me all these questions one day!

Hallie: [crying, seeing her mother for the first time] I'm sorry, it's just, I've missed you so much!

Elizabeth: I know, it seems like it's been forever!

Hallie: You have no idea...

Annie: [Hallie just finished cutting Annie's hair to look like hers] This is so scary.

Hallie: Honey, you never looked better.

Annie: [sees Hallie closing her eyes, alarmed] Don't shut your eyes!

Hallie: Okay, sorry, got a little nervous!

Annie: [as Hallie] You're nervous?! An 11-year-old is cutting my hair!

Hallie: Hey, you sounded just like me!

Annie: Well, I'm supposed to, aren't I?

Annie: Hallie, what's your mother like?

Hallie: I never met her. She and my dad split up when I was a baby, maybe even before, I'm not sure. He doesn't really like to talk about her... but I know she was really beautiful.

Annie: How do you know that?

Hallie: Because my dad had this old picture of her hidden in his sock drawer and he caught me looking at it all the time so he gave it to me to keep. I'm really thirsty, you sure you don't wanna go to the mess hall and get a lemonade?

Annie: Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this?!

Hallie: At a time like what?

Annie: [as she and Hallie step back into the cabin; notices Hallie going through her trunk] Don't you realize what's happening? Oh man, this is beyond coincidence, this is beyond imagination! I only have a mother, and you only have a father... You've never seen your mum, and I've never seen my dad. You have one old picture of your mum, I have one old picture of my dad! Well, at least yours is probably a whole picture; Mine's a pathetic little thing, ripped right down the middle...! What are you rummaging in your trunk for this time?

Hallie: [she finally faces Annie as she holds a picture to her chest] This. It's the picture of my mom. And it's ripped too.

Annie: [knowing] Right down the middle?

Hallie: [nervously] Right down the middle.

Annie: [races over to her trunk and takes out a photo and holds it to her chest] This is so freaky. Okay. On the count of three, we'll show them to each other, okay?

Hallie: Okay.

Annie: 1...

Hallie: 2...

Annie and Hallie: [together] 3!

Hallie: That's my dad...

Annie: [she hears the lunch bell] That's my mum... That's the lunch bell.

Hallie: [as she wipes away her tears] I'm not so hungry anymore. So if your mom is my mom, and my dad is your dad... and we're both born on October 11th, then you and I are... like... sisters.

Annie: Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins!

Hallie: Oh my god!

Annie: Oh my god!

Hallie: How far away is London anyway?

Annie: Well, from here it's 3,000 miles, but sometimes it seems much further... How far away is your home?

Hallie: [shows Annie a photo] Oh, California is way on the other end of the country. Actually, here's a picture of my house.

Annie: Wow! It's beautiful.

Hallie: Yeah. We built it when I was little. We've got this incredible porch that looks over the entire vineyard and-

Annie: [points to figure in the photograph] Who.. Who's that?

Hallie: [Annie sighs] Oh, that's my Dad; He didn't know I was taking the picture then, or else he would have turned around. He's kinda like my best friend. We do everything together. What's the matter?

Annie: Oh, it's chilly in here, that's all...

Hallie: [pulls out a packet of Oreos] Want one?

Annie: Oh, sure, I love Oreos! At home I eat them with... I eat them with peanut butter.

Hallie: [surprised; pulls out a jar of peanut butter] You do? That is so weird... So do I!

Annie: You're kidding! Most people find that totally disgusting!

Hallie: I know! I don't get it...

Annie: Me either.

Hallie: What's your dad like? I mean, is he the kind of father you can talk to, or is he one of those workaholic types who says; "I'll talk to ya later, honey...", but you know, never really does? I hate that.

Annie: I don't have a father, actually. I mean, I had one once, I suppose... But my parents divorced years ago. My mother never even mentions him. It's like he evaporated into thin air, or something...

Hallie: It's scary the way nobody stays together anymore.

Annie: Tell me about it.

Zoe: I swear I heard your evil clone sneezing all the road across the mess hall.

Hallie: [sings] That's the fashion, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it!

Hallie: I'm tired. I'm crawling back into bed and sleeping until lunch.

Nicole: That does not seem like a possibility, babe.

Hallie: No luck.

Annie: That girl is without a doubt the lowest, most awful creature that ever walked the earth!

Hallie: [She and Zoe and Nicole are pink from pent-up laughter. They slap hands as the two Marvas approach, clipboards at the ready] Thank you. Thank you very much.

Marva Senior: Good morning, girls.

Girls: [The girls respond automatically] Morning, Marvas. Marvas?!

Marva Senior: [She reaches for the handle to the screen door, but Hallie is blocking the road] Navajos! Surprise inspection! Ten-shun!

Hallie: [She thinks fast] No, Marva, don't go in there. One of the girls got sick and it's a big mess. Save yourself the aggravation. It's really disgusting.

Marva Senior: [She reaches for the handle again, and Hallie tries to stop her. Above the doorway is perched the bucket with chocolate syrup. The Marvas are about to get it] Well, if someone's sick, darling, then I must go ahead.

Hallie: No, really! I can't let you go in. She's highly contagious!

Annie: [She looks above the door] Actually, we're all quite fine in here. Unless Hallie Parker knows something we don't. Really, I exist, open the door and come see for yourself, ma'am.

Hallie: I warned you it was a mess in there!

Annie: She should know. She did it!

Marva Senior: You and you. Pack your bags.

Marva Senior: [She gestures toward a lonely cabin perched on top of the hill] The rest of you go on back to your activities. You two–– The isolation bunk.

Marva Senior: We have six weeks left of camp. And you two, who refuse to get along, are going to spend every glorious one of them together.

Marva Junior: You eat together, you'll bunk together and do all of your activities together. Either you'll find a fashion to get along or you'll punish yourselves far better than we ever could.

Hallie: [playing poker with Annie at camp] I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll make you a little deal: loser jumps into the lake after the game.

Annie: Excellent.

Hallie: Butt-naked.

Annie: [revealing her hand to Hallie] Even more excellent. Start unzipping, Parker. Straight, in diamonds.

Hallie: [revealing her hand to Annie] You're good, James... but... you're just not good enough. In your honor, a royal flush.

Hallie: You wanna know the real difference between us?

Annie: Let me see... I know how to fence and you don't, or I have class and you don't. Take your pick.

Hallie: [infuriated] Why, I oughta...!

Martin: All right, shall we review your mother's list?

Annie: Mm-hmm.

Martin: Now, let's see... Vitamins?

Annie: Check.

Martin: Minerals?

Annie: Check.

Martin: List of daily fruits and vegetables.

Annie: [Martin looks at her oddly] Check. Check. Check for fruits, check for vegetables. Go on.

Martin: [Annie bites back a smile] Sun block, lip balm, insect repellent, stationery, stamps, photograph of your mother, grandfather... and, of course, your trusty butler, me.

Annie: Got it all, I think.

Martin: [holds out a deck of cards] Oh, and, um, here's a little something from your grandfather; A spanking-new deck of cards. Maybe you'll actually find somebody on this continent who can whip your tush at poker.

Annie: Well, I doubt it, but thanks.

Chessy: [after Sammy barks at Meredith] Good doggy.

Chessy: [after Annie runs out after ranting at Nick in French] Don't look at me. I don't know a thing.

Chessy: [after finding out that the girls switched places] Can I hug her?

Annie: Actually, yes. And actually, I'm not Hallie.

Annie: Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins.

Hallie: Mom's amazing, Dad. I don't know how you ever let her go. Oh, my.

Hallie: I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea!

Hallie: Tell me, what's Mom like?