The Pink Panther Quotes

Cameos ] as Yves Gluant

Inspector Jacques Clouseau I would like to take a closer look at your bawls.

Larocque My what?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Your bawls. Your big, brass bawls.

Larocque Uh, sure.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Without you, I would be nothing!

Dreyfus Perhaps you still are.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Ha! Excellent verbal joust, inspector! We must do lunch sometime. Had it not been for you, who knows? Someone else might have won the Medal of Honor this year.

Dreyfus Yes, I know. Idiot. Oh no.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau What? What did you say?

Ponton Nothing.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?

Ponton No.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Hmm.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus CLOUSEAU!

Ponton He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Was it fatal?

Ponton Yes.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau How fatal?

Ponton Um, completely.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau I want to speak to him now!

Ponton He's dead.

Nigel Boswell/Agent 006 It is very important that you remain calm and do not turn around.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Remain calm, do not turn around.

Nigel Boswell/Agent 006 Behind you in the casino are the Gas Mask Bandits.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau Oh my God! Ze Gas Mask Bandits!

Clouseau And you are?

Ponton Gilbert Ponton. Detective, Second Class.

Clouseau And what qualifications do you have for police work?

Ponton My family has done police work in Paris for nine generations.

Clouseau And before zat?

Ponton We were policemen in the surrounding areas for two hundred years.

Clouseau And before zat?

Ponton Immigrants from various countries in Europe, all involved in police work.

Clouseau And before zat?

Ponton Farmers.

Clouseau Mm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn. Gilbert Ponton, I vow to teach you everything I know about police work. And together, we are going to catch a killer.

Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus Ah, Clouseau. Yes, well, the first time I ever heard that name, Clouseau was just a little nobody. He was the village idiot, as far as I could tell. As Chief Inspector of the Police Nationale, I hear many stories of our officers in the field. Clouseau generated many... many stories. Needless to say, Clouseau did not qualify for any advancement whatsoever. I never thought for a moment that I would have any use for him, until that fateful day. It was a perfect day for a murder. France against China, with the winner advancing to the finals. I had been invited, as Chief Inspector of the Police Nationale, and because of my recent nomination for the Medal of Honor. I have been nominated seven times. I have never won. But still, seven nominations. That's... something. Anyway, the Coach of the French team, Yves Gluant, came out for his customary ovation. On it: the Pink Panther diamond. It was quite the symbol of pride and victory for the French team. Gluant's girlfriend at that time was Xania, the international pop star. They had been having quite a stormy affair. By the end of regulation time, the score was tied, and the game went into sudden death. For a patriotic fan and true Frenchman like myself, it was almost too thrilling to believe. And then... the miracle. And then, in front of a stadium filled with people, Gluant collapsed, dead, a poison dart in his neck. And the Pink Panther had disappeared.

Cameos ] as Nigel Boswell/Agent 006

Inspector Jacques Clouseau A woman is like an artichoke. You have to do some work before you get to her heart.

Cameos ] as Pierre Fuquette

Clouseau You are the soccer player known as Bizu?!

Bizu Yes.

Clouseau You are acquainted with Yves Gluant?!

Bizu I'm glad he's pushing up daisies.

Clouseau e is not pushing up daisies. e is dead!

Bizu It's an idiom!

Clouseau You, sir, are the idiom. Now, unless you want to spend ze rest of your life in prison, you will answer ze next question: did you kill him?!

Bizu I would have loved to have killed him.

Clouseau Duh!

Bizu But, some lucky bastard beat me to it.

Clouseau You disgust me! I'll be right back. Cigarette?

Bizu No. Thanks.

Clouseau Good for you. Bizu, I know you didn't do it. Someone else did, and they are trying to set you up.

Bizu You'll help me?

Clouseau Of course I'll help you. Now, do you have any idea who could have done this terrible thing?

Bizu His partner in those stupid restaurants, Larocque.

Clouseau Raymond Larocque, the casino owner!

Bizu Gluant would steal money from the restaurants and use it to gamble. My guess is Larocque got fed up and had him killed.

Clouseau Bizu, I like you. I am going to help you. You and I are going to make a great team.

Inspector Clouseau Ze good-cop, bad-cop routine is working perfectly!

Ponton You know, usually, two different cops do that.

Vainqueur You wanted to see me?

Clouseau You are Vainquer?

Vainqueur Yes. And who are you?

Clouseau I am Inspector Clouseau. Per'aps you ave eard of me.

Vainqueur No.

Clouseau Don't write that down!

Vainqueur What do you want?

Clouseau I am told that Bizu hated Gluant.

Vainqueur A lot of people hated Gluant.

Clouseau Did you?

Vainqueur I spent six years under his thumb, being verbally abused every day. Yes, I was not a fan of Yves Gluant.

Clouseau And now e is dead... and you have his job. How ironic.

Vainqueur Not every death is a tragedy.

Ponton And, what was the-

Clouseau Footsteps. Its a young woman. 30 to 35 years old. 5"2, 5"4. Brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. She has on... Chanel number 5. .