20 quotes
Balancing Academics and Family Responsibilities
Teacher
Josh was one of my best math students, and then, all of a sudden... Bad grades. And so we're just trying to search out an explanation, really.
Rebecca
Well, I think the problem is he's distracted by football.
Dave
Can I...? I think I know what the problem... The problem, I think, is me. I've been working too much. This is what this is about. I haven't been home. It's... It's been causing a lot of stress on my family.
Teacher
Well, I know what it's like to be too busy to do anything. In fact, I didn't even get to eat lunch. Do you mind if I eat something?
Dave
Sure. Go ahead.
Teacher
Thanks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on Genetic Mutation and Animal Awareness
Dave
If that isn't evidence of genetic mutation, I don't know what is!
Judge Whittaker
On second thought, Bailiff take him to custody.
[instructing the bailiff to remove Kozak from the courtroom]
Kozak
For what? Shufflin around a little DNA? Huh? Don't you morons realize I can make us all immortal? Animals don't even understand what's goin on!
Dave
Don't tell me they don't understand. Animals understand. I know different.
Dr. Kozak
This isn't over yet. We got so much in common. So, stay in touch, huh? Ooh, are we goin outside?
[laughs; bailiff leads him out of the courtroom]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Identity in Unusual Circumstances
Dave Douglas
I AM A DOG! PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE, EVERYBODY! I'M A DOG! I AM A DOG!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Kozak and Dave
Kozak
I'm sorry you're a dog. I am also very sorry that you won't be leaving here alive. People will be wondering where you disappeared to. After all, dogs do wander off.
Dave
I can't believe you think you'll get away with this, Kozak.
[as a dog]
Kozak
Unless before you die, we're going to want to run some tests on you. Eenie, meenie, miney, cut you, ow, your nose is coming…off, because we just don't understand how you turned into him. I'm very excited. I just can't wait to get inside that body of yours and just poke around for-- Oh, you filthy little mongrel! That wasn't very nice.
[Dave bites Kozak's finger]
Dave
Ooh, that hurt, didn't it?
[as a dog]
Kozak
Gonna have to work on that attitude when I get back. Meanwhile, we are gonna run upstairs for a minute. It seems Dr. Strictland is having a bit of a health crisis. And after that, we're off to court to watch Justin Forrester back down to save his own skin. Be back cut you up like a birthday cake later.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Unintended Side Effects
Lance
Is that a snake's tail or a furry tail?
Dr. Kozak
That would be a minor side effect.
Lance
Kozak, growing a dog's tail would turn your serum into a criminal act.
Dr. Kozak
You know, you need to relax and have a good work, and Lance, we'll found a good fountain of youth. (answers his cellphone) Security, Dr. Kozak.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of a Dog Theft
Carly
None of this would have happened if we hadn't stole Shaggy from Grant & Strictland.
Dave
You what? Stole him? You stole a dog from Grant & Strictland and you lied about it!
[as dog]
Trey
Fetch, boy!
[holds up bone]
Dave
I am not your boy and I'm not gonna fe-- Oh, hey, I'll be right back!
[Trey throws bone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Raise The Woof Tagline
Taglines
Raise The Woof.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Betrayal and Regret in a Shocking Moment
Gwen
He's going into shocked. It's the serum. It doesn't work.
Kozak
Of course it works. Just couldn't give it to him.
Dave
What have you done to him?
Kozak
Lance? Lance, I'm so sorry that I have to do this to you, but I just couldn't let you take all of the credit again. Plus, you're a pig and I hate you. I hate you in so many ways. Could you hold this for a second? Get rid of it, accomplice.
[hands the syringe to Larry]
Gwen
But, is he...dead?
Kozak
No, he's not dead. He's fully conscious, but he's unable to speak. The doctors will think it's dementia. The drug itself will wear off in a few months. But by then, I'll be CEO. And I will be famously, insanely, and imaginably wealthy!
Larry
This was not part of the plan!
Gwen
It's totally wrong.
Kozak
Of course I’ll cut you both in on his share.
Larry
Hold on.
Gwen
It's fine with me.
Kozak
Good. Larry, you park him in his desk for me. Or, should I say my desk?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Growl in the Courtroom
Judge Whittaker
Mr. Douglas! Did you just growl at the opposing council?
Dave
No. I need some water.
Judge Whittaker
Do you need a brief recess?
Dave
No thanks. I just--
[growls at Judge Whittaker]
Judge Whittaker
Did you just growl at me?
Dave
No, I had something caught in my throat.
[growls at Judge Whittaker again, then drinks some water]
Judge Whittaker
One more outburst and I'm holding you in comtempt.
Dave
Silence! Quiet! Whoo! I think I could use a brief re--re...
[barks]
Judge Whittaker
Re-ecess. Ten minutes.
[bangs gavel]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Determined Search for Answers Continues
Larry
We've searched the whole building.
Gwen
But we're gonna keep looking.
Dr. Kozak
Really?
Larry
Yes.
Dr. Kozak
In the same place or new places? Cause if you look the same place--
Larry
I think new places.
Dr. Kozak
Oh, yeah? Tell me more.
Larry
Definitely.
Dr. Kozak
Larry?
Larry
Yes?
Dr. Kozak
Don't-don't speak. Do you understand the great white lines until you get this dog? Yes?
Gwen
Yeah.
Dr. Kozak
It's yes or no question, Larry.
Larry
You said not to speak.
Dr. Kozak
And the key to my future! So, it stands to reason that, if you don't find him, you won't have a future.
Larry
Right.
Dr. Kozak
Why are you still standing here? No sleeping, no talking! Find him!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Courtroom Curiosity and Canine Secrets
Lance
Kozak, how is it going in court today?
Dr. Kozak
Uh, Mr. Strictland, it goes well.
Lance
Have you unlocked the dog's secret?
Dr. Kozak
Let's not talk here. Hey, I've got something to show you that would interest you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fatherly Expectations and Personal Choices
Tracy
Football? That's why you're not trying out? You hate football!
Josh
I know, but my dad loves it. You should hear him. "Oh, you're gonna be just like your old man." If I told him I want to do the musical instead, he'd, like, write me off as a son.
Tracy
Josh, is your father a stupid man?
Josh
He is clueless, which in some ways is better.
Dave
Oh, boy.
[as a dog]
Josh
See, he told me I can play if I only keep my grades up so I start flunking math but he let me off with a warning. So now, I gotta flunk English, History, and Home Ec. Those are not really hard to fail.
Dave
Oh, no, Josh.
[as a dog]
Tracy
So you'd rather wreck your future than tell your dad you hate football?
Josh
I can get my grades back up as long as he makes me quit in time.
Tracy
Wow. Men are so complicated.
[Tracy leaves]
Dave
How did I let this happen? What kind of father am I?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Father’s Concern for His Son’s Safety
Dave
Here. This is what you love because if you keep playin football, you're gonna get hurt.
[as a dog, gives Josh the book for the musical]
Josh
Thanks, Dad.
Dave
Here's somethin else.
[as a dog]
Josh
I know, I know.
Dave
Deal?
[as a dog]
Josh
It's a deal.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Life-Extending Drug Possibilities
Dave
Dr. Kozak, is it true your company is workin on a drug that will extend human life like a hundred years?
Kozak
I am not at liberty to discuss that matter.
Dave
Of course you're not. But if that were true, that would be a pretty big deal, right?
Kozak
Ah, were true, which it is not, probably.
Dave
And whoever was in charge of developing such a thing... Whoo! Not only would they be insanely wealthy, they would be immortalized in history, right?
Kozak
Yes, I suppose it would.
Dave
Wow. What a thrill it must be to work under Dr. Strictland.
Kozak
Excuse me.
Dave
Dr. Strictland, the creative force at your company, right?
Kozak
Well, it takes many different people to contribute to the higher...
[babbles]
Dave
Yes, yes, yes, yes. What an honor it must be to work in Dr. Strictland's shadow.
Kozak
No, no, I don't work in anyone's shadow. I wouldn’t. I couldn't live with myself.
Dave
There's nothin wrong being in second place. Second fiddle, second banana, second up?
Kozak
I am the chief scientist! I! Me! Mine!
[starts growling]
Dave
Ho! Come on. Gettin kinda agitated. What's up, dog? Pick up a little virus down there in the lab, did ya?
Kozak
Must be something going around.
[Dave and Kozak begin to growling at each other]
Judge Woman
No more growlin'. Mr. Douglas have he enough.
[bangs]
Dave
?
Kozak
Did not!
Judge Woman
?
Kozak
Thank you.
Dave
?
Judge Woman
?
Kozak
Thank you, Ma'am.
Judge Woman
?
Dave
?
Judge Clarie
]
[[The Lego Movie|'''''Enough!!''''']
Dave
?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Balancing Consequences and Youthful Actions
Dr. Kozak
When I called you to make sure these people were arrested?
Dave
I understand that. If you arrest them, they'll turn into rebels with a cause on the 6 o'clock news. If you leave them there, they're just kids laying on a sidewalk.
Dr. Kozak
Good advice. Thanks for your help.
Dave
You bet.
[releases hand to shake hands]
Dr. Kozak
I'm good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Legal Aspirations
Dave
Dr. Kozak.
Dr. Kozak
Yes?
Dave
I'm sorry I couldn't put you on the stand.
Dr. Kozak
Apology's not accepted. You know, Ken tells me if he steps down, you're gonna be the next district attorney.
Dave
Well, that's my hope.
Dr. Kozak
Certainly. Well hopefully, justice will be served. You have my support. As well as that, Grant & Strictland.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with Identity and Responsibility
Dave Douglas
This is just not workin'. I'm not a bad dog... but I'm a terrible man. I've got to make this better.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Living the Life of a Dog
Taglines
Tim Allen Living in a Dog's Life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reactions Among Friends
Carly
Shaggy, would you stop making such a-- That's impossible.
[The message reads "I am Dad"]
Dave
Finally.
[as a dog]
Josh
How?
Josh
Grant and Strictland?
Dave
Yes.
[as a dog]
Carly
Well, Mr. Forrester said that they were making mutant animals. That's when I found Shaggy...but Shaggy bit Dad. Oh, Daddy!
[Hugs him]
Dave
It's okay, kiddo. It's okay.
[as a dog]
Carly
I'm sorry, this is all my fault. Could you please forgive me?
Dave
There's nothin to forgive.
[as a dog]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing the Chaos of Life
Taglines
Everything is going to the dogs.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.