The Sure Thing Quotes

Cowboy Guy I was in Paris once with my wife... boy am I glad she's dead.

Gary Cooper Hi, I'm Gary Cooper, but not the Gary Cooper that's dead.

Lance Gib, you want a relationship? That's fine. Just remember that every relationship starts with a one night stand. You came 3,000 miles for a reason didn't you? Would you look at that reason. Go for it Gib, you've earned it.

Lance's frat brother Three thousand miles just to get laid. I really respect that.

Taglines He's onto a sure thing . . . but ends up on the funniest journey to romance you've ever seen.

Professor Taub It could be tonight, he thought as he stood in the corner, pretending to have a good time. He would meet her tonight. All his young life, he had dreamed of a girl like this. 5'6, silky hair, trim, nubile body. Nubile, by the way, is spelled with a "u". Trim, nubile body that really knew how to move. And soft, deeply tanned skin. Now as for personality traits, she needed only one. She had to love sex and all the time. To arrive at this moment, he had traveled vast distances enduring many hardships. Abject poverty, starvation, show tunes, you name it. From across the room, he saw her. She was perfect. He knew almost nothing about her and she didn't know much more about him. It was exactly how it was supposed to be. He brought her to his room. The lights were soft, the moment was right. Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, Do you love me? Thoughts raced through his mind. Did she really want him? What had he done to deserve this bounty? Does God exist? Who invented liquid soap and why? Do you love me? Staring into her eyes he knew that she really needed to hear it but for the first time in his life, he knew these were no longer just words and if he said it, it would be a lie. Do you love me? she whispered. Do you love me? It would not be tonight. The answer was no.

Walter "Gib" Gibson What the hell's wrong with being stupid once in awhile? Does everything you do always have to be sensible? Haven't you ever thrown water balloons off a roof? When you were a little kid didn't you ever sprinkle Ivory flakes on the living room floor cause you wanted to make it snow in July? Didn't you ever get really shitfaced and maybe make a complete fool of yourself and still have an excellent time?

Walter "Gib" Gibson I flunk English, I'm outta here. Kiss college goodbye. I don't know what I'll do. Dad will be pissed off. Mom will be heartbroken. If I play my cards right, I get maybe a six-month grace period and then I gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That's right, they start me at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job! But the day I'm supposed to start, some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico! When I get out of jail I'm 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down, talking to the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner. And why? Because you wouldn't help me in English, no! You were too busy to help me! Too busy to help a drowning man!

Alison What are you doing?

Gib I'm going to bed.

Alison Not with me you're not.

Gib I'm not going to bed with you, I'm going to bed in a bed you happen to be in also.

Professor Taub Miss Bradbury. You, on the other hand, you express your ideas very clearly. Except that, your paper is dry, Alison. There's not enough of *you* coming through. Loosen up, Alison. Have some fun! Yes, sleep when you feel like it, not when you think you should. Eat food that is bad for you - at least once in a while. Have conversations with people whose clothes are not color coordinated. Make love in a hammock! Life is the ultimate experience, and you have to live it to write about it.

Professor Taub Yes, Alison?

Alison What did you say after "hammock?

Sure Thing Come on, Giblet. One more time. One more time.

Gib I can't. Tomorrow, I promise.

Sure Thing It was so good. It was so masterful. Relentless, but with a delicate touch. Confident, creative. I was overwhelmed. You're a true artist.

Gib Just let me sleep a while, regain my strength. Five minutes. A grace period, if you will.

Sure Thing Please.

Gib Ah, what the heck.

Gib It's locked! Good! This is very good! It's important that this place should have an air-tight security system... in the middle of nowhere!

Alison I might have a nail file... I have a credit card. I have a credit card!

Gib Credit cards work on a completely different kind of lock.

Alison No, you don't seem to understand. I have a credit card!

Gib You have a credit card?

Alison I have a credit card!

Gib You have a credit card.

Alison Oh. My dad told me specifically I can only use it in case of an emergency.

Gib Well, maybe one will come up.

Alison You can't go in there.

Gib Yes I can. This is America, you can go anywhere.

Alison Let's see, Friday. 5:30, dinner. 6:00, Calculus. 7:00, news. 7:30, shower. 7:45, phone call. Eight o'clock?

Gib Gee, I don't know. That's when I rearrange my sock drawer.

Walter "Gib" Gibson You know, junk food doesn't deserve the bad rap that it gets. Take these pork rinds for example. This particular brand contains two percent of the R.D.A. - that's Recommended Daily Allowance - of riboflavin.

Gib's friend Forget her, I hear she only likes intellectuals

Gib So? I'm intellectual and stuff.

Gib's friend You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff.

Taglines A sure thing comes once in a lifetime... but the real thing lasts forever.

Alison And you should see the crap he eats! Cheese balls and beer for breakfast!

Jason How do you know what he eats for breakfast?

Gib Thanks for the ride. I've been out here all day. I'm not interrupting anything am I?

Pick-Up Driver Me and the wife just having a little squabble, OK.

Gib Oh. It's not easy getting rides. Do you know what I mean? I mean most people are real afraid to pick up hitchhikers. I mean you never know who you might pick up. I mean I could be some crazed slime ball. I mean a real deranged, violent psycho. You know what I mean? I mean a guy who would rip out your heart and eat it just for pleasure. I'm talking about a total maniac! You know what I mean? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

Pick-Up Driver Yeah...

Gib Why aren't we moving? Don't you want to give me a ride?

Pick-Up Driver I'm only goin about another mile.

Gib Then what the hell did you pick me up for? You think I got nothing better to do with my life then to sit here and pass the time with you, SHIT BRAAAIN! I don't think I want this ride after all. And I think I think I'll take your wife, if you don't mind.

Alison You didn't sleep with her?

Gib Still seeing Jason?

Alison Broke up.

Gib That's too bad.

Alison You didn't sleep with her.

Gib Wasn't my type.

Gib So, what else did Lance say about me?

Sure Thing He said you're a virgin.

Gib What?

Sure Thing He thinks you might be gay.

Gib Don't say that!

Sure Thing I didn't say it, Lance said it!

Gib Excuse me won't you, I have to go and kick the shit out of someone. Just one second.

Alison Bradbury Spontaneity has its time and place.