The Visit Quotes

Pop Pop I was just cleaning it.

Loretta At the end of high school, I fell in love with a substitute English teacher. It was quite a scandal. Corin didn't start out a bad guy, though. We were together about 10 years and we had two kids. And then he fell in love with someone in a Starbucks, and moved to Palo Alto, California. Kind of severed relations with the three of us. My parents, if I were defending them, which I'm not, had said, back in the day, that he had an "impatient eye."They didn't like him. Week I left, things escalated. My parents cursed at me, which was, like, crazy unusual. And it ended, one afternoon, very badly. I left at 19, haven't spoken to my parents in 15 years. Whatever. That's just the history. Recently, my parents looked me up on the Internet. Asked to meet their grandchildren. Spend a week with them. I looked my parents up, they have a counseling website. People love them. Ironically, they counsel people, which is a hoot. Whatever. I told the kids. They said they wanted to go. I told them I didn't want them to go. They said they were gonna go anyway. They're brats. What can I tell you? And my 15-year-old wants to make a documentary about this.

Becca Wait, wait, wait. Go back. Um, describe the events on the day you left your parents farm at 19.

Loretta I did something I don't choose to tell you. If they choose to tell you, that's their right. Okay? I want to do this for you. Listen, they're good people. Ask them. Can I be done with my part? I still got to get you guys packed.

Tyler Nothing can scare me!

Becca Yeah right!

Tyler AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Tyler Jamison OH, Shania Twain, bitches!

Taglines Grandma's Rules: 1. Have a great time. 2. Eat as much as you want. 3. Don't ever leave your room after 9:30 pm.

Becca Mom, you need to come and get us right now.

Loretta What? What happened?

Becca Mom, get in the car and come right now.

Loretta Do you know how long that would take by car, Rebecca?

Becca Mom, trust me. There's something wrong with Nana and Pop Pop. I'm telling you, you need to come and pick us up tonight.

Loretta Becca, you're scaring me. My heart is in my throat.

Becca We're okay now. Just come.

Loretta Where are they now?

Becca Uh, they're out-- they're outside by the chicken coops. They won't see you.

Loretta Becca--

Becca They've been acting so strange, Mom. We've been recording them.

Loretta Becca, T-T--

Tyler I kept telling Becca something was wrong, didn't I?

Loretta Becca, Tyler--

Becca And Nana walks around at night with a knife. And Pop Pop had a gun in his mouth.

Loretta Tyler--

Becca I think he was trying to hurt himself.

Loretta Becca, Tyler, babies, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Becca, Tyler, just listen to me.

Becca We are.

Loretta Those aren't your grandparents.

Becca What are you talking about, Mom?

Loretta Where are Nana and Pop Pop? You've been staying with those people the whole time?

Taglines No one loves you like your grandparents.

Nana Why are your pants so low?

Tyler I rap.

Becca It's a form of modern poetry... if you give him a topic, he'll extemporaneously rhyme on the subject. His stage nom de plume is "T-Diamond Stylus." Go ahead, Nana, give him anything!

Nana Is food okay? I like food.

Becca Yeah. Of course!

Nana How about... pineapple upside-down cake?

Tyler Yeah... sure, why not? Okay... mmm-hmm! Okay! Got it. Okay... the girls, they like me, they think I'm sweet like candy! One girl looked at me like I was a Hershey bar! Her name was Angie, and a few tall girls,they just looked at me blankly! So here's the thing you got to understand about me, I got more rhymes than a beehive has bees! So it didn't surprise, confuse or make me say "For heaven's sake", when a Hawaiian girl with a balance disorder said "You remind me of a pineapple upside-down cake"! Ho!

Train Conductor You a film prodigy? You know, I used to be a pretty good actor.

Becca Oh, my camera light's blinking!

Train Conductor I am disgraced, impeached and baffled here!

Becca Battery pack is low!

Train Conductor Pierced to the soul with slander's venomed spear!

Becca Oh, oh, unfortunately, I'm just going to have to shut the camera off!

Becca Jamison I can't sleep. I need Nana's cookies. I'm gonna turn a personal addiction into a positive cinematic moment.

Pop Pop I never liked you anyway.

Pop Pop You're blind... you're blind. I am the exposer. I am a seer. I see the veiny, deformed... face of the world.

Nana Would you mind getting inside the oven to clean it?

Pop Pop We're all dying today, Becca.

Becca Jamison We're even.

Nana I'm gonna get you!

Becca Mom, there's something wrong with Nana and Pop Pop.

Loretta They're just OLD!

Tyler Jamison Holy SHIT! Holy Mother of Sarah McLachlan! Nana... what the HELL?

Tyler Jamison Any other crazy bitch-ass fucking people here?