Tin Men Quotes

Sam You know when I saw "Bonanza" the other day, something occured me.

Ernest Eh?

Sam You got those four guys living on the Ponderosa and you never hear them say anything about wanting to get laid.

Ernest Huh?

Sam I mean you never hear Hoss say to Little Joe, "I had such a hard-on when I woke up this morning.

Ernest No, no, no...

Sam They don't talk about broads - nothing. You never hear Little Joe say, "Hey, Hoss. I went to Virgina City and I saw a girl with the greatest ass I've ever seen in my life." They just walk around the Ponderosa: "Yes, Pa. Where's Little Joe?" Nothing about broads. I don't think I'm being too picky. But if at least once, they talked about getting horny. I don't care if you live on the Ponderosa or right here in Baltimore, guys talk about getting laid. I'm beginning to think that show doesn't have too much realism.

Bill Are you a Lunatic? Are you telling me that you didn't see me coming out of this lot? There's a red light there for crying out loud! You're supposed to stop!

Taglines The American Dream Changes. The People Who Sell It Don't.

Sam Bonanza" is not an accurate depiction of the west.

Sam You notice Little Joe never says "Hey, Pa. I'm going to go into town to get a piece of ass"?

Nora If we went on a picnic, it would be fun.

Ernest I don't understand a picnic. We go someplace, we put a thing on the ground and eat.

Nora Yeah, it's nice to do that.

Ernest Why? I don't get it. It's better sitting in front of the TV.

Nora I happen to think there's something nice about a picnic. It's fun.

Ernest What's fun about it? Ants get in the food - there's bees. I don't get it. You have to drive - it takes you maybe an hour to get there. And then what do you do? You sit on the grass and eat. Why is that fun?

Taglines The Year - 1963. Selling the American Dream is a risky, funny business - you could wind up paying with your wife!

Bill Hey, asshole! This is the ultimate "fuck you"! I just poked your wife!

Ernest What are you talking about?

Bill Yeah, she's in my bed right now with a very big smile on her face.

Ernest Well, that's just fine by me. She's a pain in the ass! An albatross around my neck! You're welcome to her. Keep her, and may you both rot in Hell!