Unaccompanied Minors (2006) - Quotes

Taglines: All flights cancelled. Christmas isn't!

Taglines: Six unaccompanied minors will become one unbelievable family.

Taglines: Silent night... Yeah, right.

Taglines: Six kids, snowbound in an airport on Christmas Eve, without supervision. Someone please call security.

Grace: [putting her glasses on] Once a dork, always a dork.

Spencer: You are so not a dork.

Donna: Watch it, Dr. Evil.

Porter: Oh no, did I offend you? Well, I don't know what else to call someone who commits grand theft auto, reckless driving and destruction of property all in the course of ten minutes.

Donna: Someone cooler than you'll ever be.

Porter: [[w:Ellen Degeneres|Ellen DeGeneres; to Spencer; to Grace; to Beef] Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Whoo! That's fantastic! I didn't know we had ] in the house! And what about a young man who orders the heart attack special and can't pay for it? Or a girl who exfoliates herself all over the airport lounge? Then, the abominable snowman who transforms the Emergency Equipment Center into his own private amusement park and then blames it on Aquaman? Aren't you a little too old to be playing with dolls? I mean, what are you, like, forty?

Zach: Actually, Beef is twelve, sir.

Porter: Good Lord. And Charlie Goldfinch, my most frequent underage flyer, and formerly model passenger. Karaoke, son? Was it worth it?

Charlie: [Mr. Porter gives him a look] I had a song in my heart. Oh my gosh, I'm a juvie.

Donna: So where are we staying?

Porter: What's wrong with right here?

Grace: It smells like a horse died in it.

Charlie: So, we're going to the lodge?

Porter: I think I have an answer to your question; Are you out of your juice-drinking little minds?!

Restaurant Hostess: [returns to find Spencer gone and the bill has been stolen; sees his IOU note, which reads: "IOU $74.38. Please e-mail my dad at Davenport.sam@gmail.com for payment. P.S. The mozzarella sticks are for you."] Oh, you've got to be kidding me. He didn't even eat the mozzarella sticks.

Head Guard Hoffman: [Seeing the mess in the Emergency Equipment Storage] Sweet Jehoshaphat!

Beef: [points to his Aquaman action figure] He did it!

Spencer: Nachos! My mom never lets me eat those, you know, so an order of those. She's banned all sodas from the house, so extra-, extra-, extra-large root beer.

Restaurant Hostess: My mom never let me eat mozzarella sticks.

Spencer: Mine either. Two orders. On to dessert, huh?

Restaurant Hostess: You don't have a tapeworm, do you?

Spencer: I would like a table for one in the "no little sisters" section, please.

Restaurant Hostess: Aren't you a little young to be flying by yourself?

Spencer: Not at all.

Sam: [answering the telephone] Sam Davenport, Clean Earth Society.

Valerie: [over the phone] Hi, Sam. It's Val...

Sam: [checks his wristwatch] Oh hey, Val! Yeah, I'm heading to the airport now to pick up the kids.

Valerie: Well, you're not going to be able to pick up the kids!

Sam: What?

Valerie: Because they're not gonna be able to fly!

Sam: Val! Val! Calm down

Valerie: There is all this snow, and there's a blizzard-

Sam: It's not even snowing out.

Valerie: Yes it is!

Sam: [embarrassed] Oh.

Katherine: We should call Mom.

Spencer: [dodges a candy wrapper] Yeah, well, she wouldn't drive two-thousand miles to pick us up.

Katherine: Then let's call Dad.

Spencer: Oh, yeah. He wouldn't drive four feet to get us!

Judie: [digging through a bowl of candy; Valerie looks depressed] Hmm, I think bought defective M&M's. You know, some of these are W's. Oh c'mon, Val, lighten up! It's Christmas. I know that you're worried about the kids; they're gonna be fine. It's Christmas eve, we're gonna do more decorating...

Valerie: No, no, Judie. You don't have any more decorating to do.

Judie: Yes, I have to finish. I have six more boxes of lights in the garage!

Valerie: This is creepy...

Judie: You're just poisonous, aren't you? Thanks for being such a great sister.

Spencer: [Upon seeing the chaotic UM room] Oh man, it's like "Lord of the Flies" in here.

Flight Attendant #1: Help us!

Flight Attendant #2: Zach, we're flight attendants, not riot police - You've got to find someone else to take over!

Zach: You guys, there is no one else. The storm is huge! Just think of it like being in the air, okay? With a normal passenger load, and secure all exit, and, y'know, discourage anybody from going to the restroom.

Spencer: Oh no, did you bite your tongue again?

Katherine: When I wrote to Santa, I forgot to tell him that we were gonna be at Dad's house, and it's all the way in Pennsylvania! How is he gonna find us now?

Spencer: [Katherine looks worried. Spencer sighs; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_American_Aerospace_Defense_Command NORAD] Oh, you mean that Santa guy that you're scared of? Him? I mean, he's not even gonna... He'll find you. The Tooth fairy gave him directions. She works with .

Katherine: I don't wanna see Santa!

Spencer: Y'know what, then let's just go, okay?

Katherine: I don't wanna go!

Spencer: Then get on Santa's lap.

Katherine: [screaming] I DON'T WANNA!

Mall Santa: Ho Ho Ho. Somebody's not being a very good girl. I might have to put coal in your stocking this year.

Donna: Mom! I'm eleven! I'll look like a loser getting my picture with Santa!

Mrs. Malone: You'll look like someone who's grounded if you don't. Now, go sit on Santa's lap. Go!

Donna: [hits the hand away; punches Santa in the gut and walks away] Hey! Hands off, fat boy!

Charlie Goldfinch: [to Donna after she kisses him] Wow! Man, you're so hot!

Charlie Goldfinch: Oh man, Harvard's never gonna accept me with a police record! And I am not going to community college!

Charlie Goldfinch: [Running out of the UM room] This goes against everything I believe in, but I gotta pee!