31 quotes
Unexpected Theft in Vegas
Jack
We got robbed...the only thing they took was the door.. (shrugs shoulders)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowerment in Rejection and Loss
Joy
To anyone who has ever been dumped and to anyone who has ever been fired...when I say screw you say you...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Unexpected Incident with a Purse
Tipper
Like seriously, I like threw up in my own purse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Cautionary Note on Leaving for Work
Jack
(To Joy before she leaves for work) Don't get hit by a bus. (Door closes) Or do. Whatever.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Driving Skills in Vegas
Bear
Do you even know how to drive an automatic?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Appreciation for the Scent of Candles
Jack
(To Doctor Twitchell at councilling) Her candles smell awesome!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Personal Reflection on Shared Traits
Jack
Yeah that's a little bit of me...and some other people. (Response when Joy says his bed stinks)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection on Legal Competence
Hater
They should make a law about what a bad lawyer I am...then again I wouldn't know about it
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Revenge with a Punchline
Tipper
They ring the door bell and when he answers they JUNK-punch him right up in his man-business, and while he lying there on the floor writhing in pain asking "Why?", they answer. "YOU know why.." (nods smiling at her plan)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defining Moments of Manhood
Jack
What's the one place where you can step up and be a man?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with unexpected challenges in a bathroom
Joy
I can totally do this! (Gasps after seeing the bathroom) I can't do this.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jack's Clumsiness Leads to Injuries
Dr. Twitchell
Jack what happened to you? (asked after seeing Jack's black eye)
Jack
I fell...and hit my head on the door knob
Dr. Twitchell
You fell?
Jack
Yeah...I fall a lot these days...I'm so clumsy.
Dr. Twitchell
Are you sure no one did this to you?
Jack
I (glances at Joy) I'm suppose to line the hand towels up just so..and I didn't and I'm sorry. And I forgot to put the toilet seat down, and she said "Put it down or I'm going to put you down!!" And... (Joy pulls out cell phone and shows a video of Bear and Hater beating up Jack)
Dr. Twitchell
Can we get back to therapy now?
Jack
Yes...yes we can..
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Taking Yourself Out of the Game
Joy
You took yourself out of the game.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choosing Happiness Over Unfulfilling Actions
Jack
I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of a Wily Temptress
Hater
She is a wily temptress...and what do wily temptress do? They tempt you, in a wily temptress way...and then play you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disparaging Remarks About a Stripper
Hater
Look! Stripper, you are kind of a disgusting skank. (To tipper)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Race Begins Before You're Ready
Joy
And where's that, Jack? The starting line? Cause I got news for you buddy, the gun already went off!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Friend's Inability to Recognize Fun
Tipper
Your friend wouldn't know a good time if it sat on his face
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating Room Changes with Humor
Joy
(After finding out that they were booked in the same room with Jack and Hater) OK, so we both know how this is going to work. I am going to complain, and you are going to tell me there's nothing you can do about it, when we both know that is a big fat lie. So why don't you go ahead and type in those special codes that you know you are going to type in eventually, and give me two rooms that are so... nice... that it will turn my night right back around. (Smiles)
Hotel Clerk
OK...I'm going to do just what you said because honestly...I'm a little frightened of you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Character Lacks Their Glasses
Hater
Uh...I, I don't have my glasses...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Unconventional Choices and Perspectives
Hater
Lavender. Get on my head!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tipper's Dislike for a Friend
Tipper
You I don't like and your friend, I want to cut him
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Nature of Planning
Mason
Did you just make a plan to make a plan?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Request for a Phone Number
Bear
Now that you aren't married anymore...can I get her number...(pause)..ok maybe later
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Introductions Among Friends
Jack
Jack Fuller. (Introducing himself to Joy's boss)
Richard
Richard Banger.
Jack
Richard Banger?...Dick Banger? You my friend have just supplied us with jokes for the whole weekend...(slight pause)
Richard
Well you must be Jack ...Off...ha ha give it to me baby!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marriage and Shared Ownership in Relationships
Joy
What happened to "what's mine is yours baby.." we're married now...remember?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Kitchen Moments and Responsibilities
Jack
Oh yeah this is happening (said while peeing in the kitchen sink) oh, and by the way, it's your day on dishes
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Unexpected Moments of Fun
Joy
I'm not usually this much fun!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Business and Fun Collide in Vegas
Jack
So why are you here
Joy
Oh you know just living it up...being crazy. What about you?
Jack
Oh I'm here on business...I'm very important in my field...
Joy
Really?
Jack
No..I just got fired.
Joy
I just got dumped.
Jack
Did I mention I got fired by my father?
Joy
Did I mention that I threw my fiance a surprise birthday party and the surprise was he dumped me in front of all our closest friends while they hid in the closets?
Jack
You win.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sharing Coffee After a Wild Night
Jack
(Morning after the drunk wedding) What's mine is yours! Me coffee su coffee, haha...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creating Special Gifts from Unusual Materials
Jack
(To Joy when she sees the bathroom) Don't throw all of that hair away. I'm saving it up to make you something special... like a hat... or a sweater.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.